Mrs- a rant

[LetTheBirdsSing]

Does anyone else find themselves constantly having to tell banks, doctors, dentists etc to stop changing their title listed on records to ‘Mrs’?

I have used the title ‘Ms’ since I was about 18 (am now mid 30s). I have never, ever used the title ‘Mrs’, so am 100% certain I have never registered with any organisation as ‘Mrs’. So I’ve always been Ms Jane Doe, did not change my surname when I got married.

So why, why WHY do organisations constantly decide that they know better and change me to ‘Mrs’? My doctors surgery and dentist have both done this. In the last year I kid you not three, yes three, banks that I bank with have suddenly started sending letters to me addressed as ‘Mrs’.

I (politely) complain every time and ask for it to be corrected and each time without fail I get some sort of eye roll-ey response, often with an “are you sure you didn’t change your title to Mrs?” Yes, yes I’m quite sure, thank you. With the banks I have been told each time that I need to go into a branch (good luck finding one still open) to correct their mistake.

Special mention goes to bloody Barclays, the latest offender, who told me that I needed to pay a solicitor to witness a letter confirming my non-existent title change back to Ms. Silence always when I ask them if they’d ask a male customer to go into the branch to correct the bank’s mistake in changing his title to Mrs.

For anyone saying why get worked up about this, it’s firstly about courtesy in getting people’s names right, especially if they are customers giving their money/business to you. But also it shows sloppiness if they can’t look after customer records properly. And who are all these random staff members who keep changing me to ‘Mrs’??? Does this happen to anyone else or am I cursed?

This is why we should have one title for all adult women, just as for men - doesn’t matter if it’s Mrsnor Ms, or whatever, just pick one for all adult women that has nothing to do with marital status. Unless they’re a dr or whatever. Just as it is with “Mr”.

Male children now appear to be called Mr rather than Master, whilst adult women are being called Miss if not married

@Rosehugger

DH and I have a joint account. One time we had a hair roofer banging on the door demanding cash as the cheque bounced

I know "hair roofer" is a typo, but for what? I can't work it out!

I also went mad at Barclays when they wrote to DH only on things that concerned our joint account or joint mortgage. Especially something that was quite urgent one time, they wrote to him and he was away for a few days.

I thought they wouldn’t change it unless written permission was given.

My dentist, for years, suddenly told me they noticed my surname was spelt wrong and changed it for me. My surname is one vowel off of the name of a celebrity. I informed them that I had managed to spell my name correctly for 30 years and they could just put it back as it was. Never went back.

This!!!!! Totally infuriating and then the bad attitude you get when you politely ask for the correction. It’s not my name

Years ago me and my then boyfriend went on holiday. They insisted on calling him Mr Catlady. He was so so annoyed. But it’s so rarely that way around! It was because it had been put on my credit card and then we paid 50/50

I am Mrs and get hacked off being called Ms but will often tick the box for Lady

Yes and what's more, I think it's got worse over the last decade.
I remember thinking it would be unnecessary by the 2000s, that all women would gradually be Ms exactly like all men are Mr.

excellent point made by @RobotValkyrie and others that by having to fight for names to be added to accounts, or as @MaybeSomeDay7 says a particular version of a name without making it easy to change, that it plays straight into the hands of abusive partners. GRRRRRRRRRRRR.

@helpfulperson

I presume (hope) we are sensibly moving to one title, Mrs. Just like most other European languages.

A default would be great, but not Mrs. The connotations are unacceptable.

I had to do my DBS check as a Miss because I couldn’t complete it as Ms without listing a name change. I’ve never changed my name, I was a Miss till I was 18 then I moved to Ms. Drove me absolutely crackers.

i get your frustration

im 41 never married, never intend to as i dont agree with it. i was with my only ever partner(romantically and sexually)for 22 years and would have been forever till he f-offed with my best friend so i dont have a commitment problem, i just don't agree with marriage

i do have 2 boys but their have their dads surname

i have always been miss and will always be miss.
for years all my correspondence came in miss
for some bizarre reason since i turned 40 last years im now a ms
no bills or any correspondence have ever been joint as everything was always in my name so they cant use the change or person excuse.

it drives me mad as that assuming im a divorcee. still my surname which have and will never change

i do complain every time and it gets switched back or a while then months later the same company does their ms routine again.

i was told by a credit card company employee that after a certain age the system automatically does mrs or ms after 40

well not with me im sorry, if want miss im getting miss

if im writing any emails i always do MISS this way so they get my point

I've never bothered to tell them tbh but yes, I've been listed as Mrs on my NHS records, dentist records etc since I moved age 22.

No idea why as I always tick miss. But apparently I'm married lol. I just leave it and cba.

Oh and I'm not married btw which means it's even more nonsensical

I really don’t get the point of using titles. If forced to use one, I’ve used Ms for the past 30 years, but I still get post to Mrs, Ms, Miss, Mr and Dr.
It annoys me but not quite enough to be bothered phoning people up to try to correct their records, so it never gets sorted.

@pawpaws2022

I always ask when I'm taking customer details You can be dr, lady, Mrs, ms, miss, professor... .. whatever you want. The only thing it won't let us do it select no title

wouldn't that offend quakers. i believe they prefer not to use titles. i was always very careful when writing to Friends House; i would begin dear john smith, or dear j smith, rather than the usual dear mr/ms smith.

For those saying there should be one title for women, like Mr for men - Ms is it. It doesn't tell your marital status which was the whole point of it.

I also hate being called Miss (I'm not a child) or Mrs (not accurate.)

It’s never happened to me. I’ve been Ms for the last 40 years.

@DaisyDozyDee

I really don’t get the point of using titles. If forced to use one, I’ve used Ms for the past 30 years, but I still get post to Mrs, Ms, Miss, Mr and Dr. It annoys me but not quite enough to be bothered phoning people up to try to correct their records, so it never gets sorted.

I'd rather not bother with one myself, but that never seems to be an option.

@HollaHolla

Same with me. I’m mid 40s. Never been married. No idea why I’ve become Mrs at the GP/hospital. Also, if you want to be pedantic about it, I’m Dr (PhD, not MBChB) - but really always use Ms. It infuriates me. Why should I have to take the trouble to correct a title change I never made!!

I'd use the Dr. You earnt it.

In hospital last year I constantly had nurses, doctors, dietary aides, you name it, refer to me as Mrs. It was hard to keep correcting people, and I stopped, as I felt like I was being too bitchy.

This is the reason that I think all adult women should have one title. I wouldn't really mind which one it is but I think the whole Miss, Mrs, Ms thing is completely antiquated. All adult males are Mr - there should be an equivalent for adult females.

@dworky

Yes and what's more, I think it's got worse over the last decade. I remember thinking it would be unnecessary by the 2000s, that all women would gradually be Ms exactly like all men are Mr.

So did I and I am surprised to see posters aren't okay with that.

The UK needs the same as other countries - one title not related to a woman's marital status (just like men's title is not related to their marital status), whether it be Ms or Mrs. Whether we need to even keep Miss, when we seem to have largely got rid of Master is also worth considering.
People should stop judging women by whether a man has deemed them attractive enough to marry, or measuring their own self-importance by the same.

English is kind of an outlier in Europe in the woman's title being directly related to her marital status rather than whether she is a minor or adult. It is antiquated and sexist. Even worse, when women themselves continue to promote this rubbish.

My work does this. Changes anyone suspect ed of being married to Mrs. Doesnt matter if you say youre miss, dr or anything else. Does my head in but its a clerical decision not in my power to change (I have tried).

@Aroundtheworldin80moves

I use Mrs. But can't understand why, in the 21st Century, we don't have a title that just means adult woman. Master has disappeared... yet women are still Miss, Ms or Mrs.

@GrumpyPanda I believe in polite German its Herr Doktor and Frau Doktor.

But we have! It's Ms.