Mrs- a rant

[LetTheBirdsSing]

Does anyone else find themselves constantly having to tell banks, doctors, dentists etc to stop changing their title listed on records to ‘Mrs’?

I have used the title ‘Ms’ since I was about 18 (am now mid 30s). I have never, ever used the title ‘Mrs’, so am 100% certain I have never registered with any organisation as ‘Mrs’. So I’ve always been Ms Jane Doe, did not change my surname when I got married.

So why, why WHY do organisations constantly decide that they know better and change me to ‘Mrs’? My doctors surgery and dentist have both done this. In the last year I kid you not three, yes three, banks that I bank with have suddenly started sending letters to me addressed as ‘Mrs’.

I (politely) complain every time and ask for it to be corrected and each time without fail I get some sort of eye roll-ey response, often with an “are you sure you didn’t change your title to Mrs?” Yes, yes I’m quite sure, thank you. With the banks I have been told each time that I need to go into a branch (good luck finding one still open) to correct their mistake.

Special mention goes to bloody Barclays, the latest offender, who told me that I needed to pay a solicitor to witness a letter confirming my non-existent title change back to Ms. Silence always when I ask them if they’d ask a male customer to go into the branch to correct the bank’s mistake in changing his title to Mrs.

For anyone saying why get worked up about this, it’s firstly about courtesy in getting people’s names right, especially if they are customers giving their money/business to you. But also it shows sloppiness if they can’t look after customer records properly. And who are all these random staff members who keep changing me to ‘Mrs’??? Does this happen to anyone else or am I cursed?

My bank keeps changing my title back to Miss, despite me being Ms (and changing it to Ms in branch numerous times) since I was about 16.

Recently I got some paperwork through that had me down as "Miss Brambles", my husband had the cheek to ask me whether I was sure I hadn't put that down on the form. He's lucky to be intact after that.

I’m sorry this is getting to you.

I can’t say I really understand, as it just doesn’t bother me. If they’re wrong it’s their problem. Unless it has legal etc. implications.

And of course Barclays can do one if they think you are going to do what they’ve suggested to rectify THEIR error.

I think I agree that other people/entities are responsible for fixing their mistakes. In fact it sometimes feels like the end of the age of customer service. Everything is robots and self service. Sigh.

I had this just once
I was walking away from dropping my children off at school and a teacher ran after me shouting ‘mrs lilies!’
I stopped and told her that ‘blue’ or ‘little blues mum’ was just fine
Never ever had another problem with anywhere else

You’re not wrong there. It’s bloody annoying. I use Ms and have never been married, but I’ve gotten post in the past either calling me Mrs Ex’slastname or just addressed to him when it should be addressed to me.

Also as a single mum I get “your ex husband” all the time. Just say “ex”! We were never married and I’m thankful of that every day.

@alexdgr8

it doesn't bother me, as they all mean the same thing, derived from mistress, as a polite form of address. what does annoy me is letter from eon, electricity company and other suppliers, presuming to address me as, hi firstname. i find that presumptuous, and far too informal. i am not their pal. i am a customer. this is a business communication not a postcard from the seaside. i have not given them permission to use my first name.

when i worked in public service i would address all women as Ms surname, in letters.
some complained, insisting they were mrs, which i found odd.
i also addressed unknowns as dear madam; that was my default, until and unless i knew they were male.
it was my way to try to level up from all the decades of dear sir being the default.
i never got complaints about that from men or women.
i guess madam was ok but ms was not somehow, to some women.

This made me laugh as I'm the exact opposite - I HATE with a passion being called Mrs xxxx - that's my mother-in-law as far as I'm concerned and WAAAAAY to formal. The amount of times I have to tell people to just call me by the first name is bonkers!

I agree, they should pay attention to your chosen title. Sometimes it's just crap data entry though - I am Mrs and regularly get Mr, and my first name is clearly a woman's name.

When I sign up for train wifi I always put Lady Rosehugger.

Barclays are spectacularly bad. We didn't sign up for them, we got a mortgage with the Woolwich who were then bought by Barclays.

DH and I have a joint account. One time we had a hair roofer banging on the door demanding cash as the cheque bounced. We had money in the account, more than enough to cover it. DH had signed the cheque and Barclays bounced the cheque because they had lost his signature details.

No I have the opposite and keep getting Miss instead of Mrs.

I regularly get called ‘Mrs [DP’s surname]’. We’re not married but people just assume.

It was real pain when we got sent a cheque recently from our solicitor relating to our house conveyancing and it was made out to Mr and Mrs DP’s Surname, as we couldn’t bank it and had to get them to send another one. We don’t even have a joint account!

I'm nearly 40. Have been using Ms since I was 18.

Recently the bank changed me to a Miss and my dentist to a Mrs.
No idea why.

I am always being called Mrs his name. I've even had 'oh I thought you were married' when giving my name and title.

@alexdgr8 Whenever I get asked "Can I call you first name" I always answer NO...never fails to throw them, I think they all honestly assume everyone is fine with it. I never have been, like you say, it's a business transaction, I expect to be address in a professional manner, not like some 'mate'.

Add in that my first name is Louise and so many call centre staff abroad insist on calling me 'Louis'...I had problems closing my vodafone account because the idiots had called me Louis on it and every idiot who I dealt with afterwards (for 5 long years) had assumed I was male...

*to be addressed

I get it too. I have never used the tile Mrs but I still get mail addressed to Mrs Blest.

Some people think that Ms is only for divorced or co-habiting women.

I was house-sitting for a male friend who was having work done on the house and I got called Mrs Malefriend and that didn't really bother me but for some reason Mrs Blest does

A friend of a friend has a PhD and uses her own surname not her husband's but gets called Mrs Husbandsname by a lot of people, not Dr Hername

I have the opposite problem. I want to stick with Mrs, but two organisations recently have decided to go all woke and decide that I’m no longer allowed to use my correct, chosen title, but should use Ms instead. I hate Ms. It is not for me. This thread has reminded me I need to get round to putting complaints in.

I sort of have the opposite problem. I am proudly Mrs DH Surname but always, always get letters, emails etc addressed to Miss DH Surname which obviously I have never been! I think I must sound young on the phone..?

Argh, yes, I went from Miss/Ms to Mrs without getting married! I've started using Dr as a. I blooming earned that PhD and b.its no one's business whether or not I'm married. Similarly to a pp who was asked about documents, I was asked by my health centre who had changed me to Mrs without my consent for documents proving I was Dr.. they'd not asked for similar when they decided to change me to Mrs and seemed to think I was being precious when I pointed out I wasn't married..

@LouScot, you tell 'em

FairyCakeWings

Funny that this older and simple courtesy of using the requested title is so hard in a world where we are being told pronouns are important. Wanting to be addressed by the method you want isn't that outrageous, is it?

I'm Ms MyName. I'm married but kept MyName. I don't worry about being called Mrs HisName is someone is asking for him and he gets Mr MyName, and similarly doesn't worry as long as they're asking for me but I will not tolerate someone trying to tell me that I must be HisName or a Mrs.

I've filled in all DDs paperwork from birth as Ms. I've had to insist a few times and ask why a 3 year old's marital status needs to be addressed. They can pick their own options from the list later.

I find that using the title Dr prevents that particular problem re: Ms/Mrs/Miss.

Still routinely have to fight with utility companies to get both my name and DH's on the bills, though. If I pay half of the fucking bills, they should bloody well give me proofs of address with my own name on, for fuck's sake. This kind of admin sloppiness can easily turn into coercive control nightmare (as in, an abusive male partner can easily take advantage of thoughtless sexist policies which disadvantage their female partner, to prevent them getting access to other services which require multiple forms of "IDs" such as bank statements and utilities bills).
This needs to change. In law.

My first name starts with an S. I've always had this problem...I get strict with "official" things like banking and councils though, as you sometimes need documents with the right names on for proof of ID. And I'm another one who would make Barclays show me the evidence supporting the name change...(I too can be a arse when I'm arsed off!)

Barclays got me so mad on this. When I was married to my abusive, thieving husband I had to set up an account with him. They just accepted that I was Mrs ex husband name and he insisted I had to be called this. Even though all other documentation: passport, driving licence etc still in my maiden name. Went back recently with my passport and other official id STILL in my original name asking for a name change and they wouldn't have it.

I hate ms, divorced use mrs

YES!!! It's so annoying, but I can't muster the energy to actually do the faff they require and/or complain letters to get it changed.

My GP has me as Miss despite me definitely signing up as Ms. I've asked them to change it, the receptionist says she will, but it never happens. I find it a bit embarrassing tbh, when my name pops up on the appointment screen - like I'm trying to cling to my youth.

I signed up for my Barclays account as Miss 25+ years ago, before I'd really thought about it. They won't let me change without a solicitor's letter either. Such a bizarre policy, when it's a chosen title and has no bearing on anything.

I presume (hope) we are sensibly moving to one title, Mrs. Just like most other European languages.