Mrs- a rant

[LetTheBirdsSing]

Does anyone else find themselves constantly having to tell banks, doctors, dentists etc to stop changing their title listed on records to ‘Mrs’?

I have used the title ‘Ms’ since I was about 18 (am now mid 30s). I have never, ever used the title ‘Mrs’, so am 100% certain I have never registered with any organisation as ‘Mrs’. So I’ve always been Ms Jane Doe, did not change my surname when I got married.

So why, why WHY do organisations constantly decide that they know better and change me to ‘Mrs’? My doctors surgery and dentist have both done this. In the last year I kid you not three, yes three, banks that I bank with have suddenly started sending letters to me addressed as ‘Mrs’.

I (politely) complain every time and ask for it to be corrected and each time without fail I get some sort of eye roll-ey response, often with an “are you sure you didn’t change your title to Mrs?” Yes, yes I’m quite sure, thank you. With the banks I have been told each time that I need to go into a branch (good luck finding one still open) to correct their mistake.

Special mention goes to bloody Barclays, the latest offender, who told me that I needed to pay a solicitor to witness a letter confirming my non-existent title change back to Ms. Silence always when I ask them if they’d ask a male customer to go into the branch to correct the bank’s mistake in changing his title to Mrs.

For anyone saying why get worked up about this, it’s firstly about courtesy in getting people’s names right, especially if they are customers giving their money/business to you. But also it shows sloppiness if they can’t look after customer records properly. And who are all these random staff members who keep changing me to ‘Mrs’??? Does this happen to anyone else or am I cursed?

I would be really annoyed too. I've personally not had this problem. My bank just uses my first and last name.

@fudging

The UK needs the same as other countries - one title not related to a woman's marital status (just like men's title is not related to their marital status), whether it be Ms or Mrs. Whether we need to even keep Miss, when we seem to have largely got rid of Master is also worth considering. People should stop judging women by whether a man has deemed them attractive enough to marry, or measuring their own self-importance by the same.

English is kind of an outlier in Europe in the woman's title being directly related to her marital status rather than whether she is a minor or adult. It is antiquated and sexist. Even worse, when women themselves continue to promote this rubbish.

Yes, I completely agree with everything you’ve said!

@TheHoptimist

I try not to use any title If it is obligatory and given a full choice I usually go for Archdeacon or Bishop

Fabulous!

Well I'm Mr with our new energy company! They also use my forename which is very obviously female, and address me as e.g. Mr Helen Johnson. There was no way of changing it on their website so I endured the hell of phoning them and got someone in a foreign call centre who didn't appear to understand what the problem was but said she'd changed it. I have a feeling that the next bill will be addressed to Mr and Mrs Helen Johnson, which is OK :)

I have this the other way around! I am Mrs and don’t like Ms for me personally. But lots of places insist on Ms, which annoys me no end!

How weird . My gp practice and my bank address me as my given name plus my surname.

As far as possible, I don't give a title. If forced, ( usually by a computer program) I'll use Ms.

I just let them call me whatever they want as long as it’s close enough. They frequently spell my surname wrong and for some reason I’m always Miss. A couple of weeks ago I was asked to fill out a form and I put Mrs Maggie Mooh - this week they sent me a letter that says Miss Maggie Mooh. I can’t be bothered to correct them.

I’m really interested (genuinely and not in a goady way), for those people who have a strong preference for Miss or Mrs rather than Ms, why that is?

It means that literally the first thing anyone knows about you is your marital status…personally I think that’s the least interesting thing about anyone.

@SwearyMaclary

I’m really interested (genuinely and not in a goady way), for those people who have a strong preference for Miss or Mrs rather than Ms, why that is?

It means that literally the first thing anyone knows about you is your marital status…personally I think that’s the least interesting thing about anyone.

I don’t like the word “Ms” because I don’t really know how to say it. Mizzzz. Mzzz. Msssz. No vowels. I know how to say Mrs (mississ) and I like being married and people knowing it so Mrs suits me at the moment.

For most forms it is irrelevant if we are married or unmarried - it should be ditched. In frustration I just put Rev. when I'm feeling mischievous.

I never address anyone by a title.
I simply put correspondence as Laura Smith or Matthew Smith.
I was asked for my title the other day, they knew my name and I've never yet met a male called my name, it did take me by surprise as I really cannot see the point especially in this era of the non binary human.

I am female, have a unisex name and am a Mrs. I have had years and years of companies changing my title from Mrs to Mr. Do they know something about me that I don’t? 🤔🥴

@alexdgr8

anyone use Mx ?

Sometimes yes!

I usually go for Ms though

It winds me up too. I've suddenly started getting council tax letters to 'Mrs'. They've got it right for nearly 15 years and then suddenly out of the blue, someone has updated it to Mrs.
I've contacted them and asked them to change it back, but I've no idea if it's actually been done or not yet.

Dental person here
Our computer system requires a title - it literally won’t let you move on until you put in a title of some sort in - possibly a harried receptionist just tapped the first option !

It’s the software I think
Some people detest being miss/mrs / mr etc
Some insist that we use their title some refuse Or ask us to use mx

I’ve had very offended people at both ends of that spectrum

It’s a minefield. But if you ask us to change it and address to as whatever We will

i would be furious.
Ask them if you can change it to Mx? or Mr?

@SwearyMaclary

I’m really interested (genuinely and not in a goady way), for those people who have a strong preference for Miss or Mrs rather than Ms, why that is?

It means that literally the first thing anyone knows about you is your marital status…personally I think that’s the least interesting thing about anyone.

Its sexist, as you say:

'it means that literally the first thing anyone knows about you is your marital status…'

for women not for men

Should have said, my preference is Ms

@SwearyMaclary

I’m really interested (genuinely and not in a goady way), for those people who have a strong preference for Miss or Mrs rather than Ms, why that is?

It means that literally the first thing anyone knows about you is your marital status…personally I think that’s the least interesting thing about anyone.

I don't like Ms. I hate the way it sounds. And I've always been Miss. I couldn't give a flying fuck if someone knows my marital status tbh. Like you say its the least interesting thing about me so I don't see why it matters if people know. But that's just me. I have friends that use all titles, Miss, Mrs, Ms, Mx, Dr, Rev. Don't think I know any one who's a lady though.

@Blossomtoes

It’s never happened to me. I’ve been Ms for the last 40 years.

Same here. Utilities & banks also seem able to cope with sending stuff to Ms Hername & Mr Hisname, in that order. The only problem we ever had was when our mortgage advisor put my name down as Miss and I had to write to the bank explaining why I wasn't comitting identity fraud. The same bank couldn't cope with DH being generally Mr Hisname but had Dr Hisname on his payslips - as work is a professional setting he uses Dr there & not Mr

I work in a contact centre and it can be an absolute minefield to navigate the whole title/first name thing when talking to customers. Some will come through and act like their first name is a state secret (when it’s needed to pass data protection) and some will get offended when you address them as Title Surname. It’s just one of those things where you literally cannot win

I have the opposite and it drives me nuts
People know I'm a Mrs but still continue to send me letters with ms

When I was in hospital 3 or 4 years ago, one consultant insisted on calling me Mrs Holla every ward round. Despite me saying ‘just call me by my first name’. I got so mad, I insisted it said Dr Holla on the sign above my bed. He was much more respectful then. Until the day I was being discharged, and his nosiness obviously got the better of him, ans he asked me what my specialism was. ‘Gothic Victorian literature’ was not really the answer he was seeking! 🤣

I do also have a name very similar to one of the Friends cast. It’s as similar as Matthew Party, rather than Matthew Perry. The number of times I get referred to as the Friends cast member….. wish I had their money though!