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Original poster

DP eating everyone else's snacks

301 replies

DonnyBurrito · 28/02/2022 12:10

DP has a habit of eating other people's snacks. To be honest he doesn't respect that things can belong to other people in general, and feels entitled to use/borrow other people's stuff until it's either broke, lost or damaged because he's held onto it for so long, or used it well past it's shelf life. That kind of stuff is a bit of a pattern, although it's more infrequent than his snack theft.

He has habit of eating a full pack of biscuits, then rooting around in the cupboard for mine or his daughters snacks/sweets and then eating them, too. I don't eat a full bar of chocolate or pack of biscuits in one sitting like him, I tend to just have a bit here and there when I really fancy it. His daughter is only here at weekend and she isn't allowed to scoff entire packs of haribo anyway, but when she comes back the next weekend all of her sweets will have been eaten. He ate all her Christmas chocolate, too. He said it's too hard not to eat everyone else's stuff when it's just sitting there in the cupboard...

So anyway, last night I went to the shop and treated myself to a bar of chocolate, and bought him some of those chocolate pretzels. He finished his pretzels almost immediately, and then asked me if he could have a strip of my chocolate. I said no (because once I give him a bit of whatever I have he decides we are sharing the whole thing and eats at least half of it, when I actually didn't want to share the whole thing or at all). I said no anyway, and then went to bed.

Came downstairs this morning, he'd opened my bar of chocolate and had a couple of strips off it. I was SO ANNOYED. I decided to find something of his that he enjoys and would look forward to, and just chuck it away. Obviously there was nothing in the cupboards or fridge of his cause he eats everything straight away!

So I threw his pack of cigs away. He's been trying to quit smoking, but occasionally has one in the garage late at night here and there. He's promised not to buy any, and hasn't for quite a while (mainly because he can't afford to), but his friend gave him half a pack a few days ago. The bin men were coming this morning so I fed them to the wheelie bin. He has noticed, but he thinks I've just thrown them away to help him quit. Decided not to come clean about the actual reason I chucked his cigs away, and kept my petty revenge secret.

Do I need to chill out about this? Or would you be annoyed at this constant snack thievery?

OP posts:
me4real · 28/02/2022 16:15

lock boxes aren’t really a solution

@MeSanniesareBrannies It works.

Cuddlemuffin · 28/02/2022 16:16

Honestly I think it's a sort of disordered eating. I would hide stuff and not let him know you have these snacks in. If he's also trying to quit smoking it sounds like there are underlying issues not being dealt with and the comfort of smoking and eating has become a crutch. It's annoying but I wouldn't be mean about it.

Mirw · 28/02/2022 16:17

Just don't buy any treats for a month. If he wants them, he has to go buy for him and his daughter. After a month, only buy things he really is not keen on. Repeat as necessary. It works but then they forget and need a reminder!!

iRun2eatCake · 28/02/2022 16:19

It doesn't have to be one made for food specifically. One of these would be ample for you and DSD

DP eating everyone else's snacks
Arabellla · 28/02/2022 16:22

@DonnyBurrito

Nope, not overweight - very tall and skinny. He doesn't eat breakfast or a proper lunch. Will have a sandwich, an energy drink and some snacks until tea time. He is incredibly picky about food, won't touch a vegetable (unless it's an onion ring from a take away), so I feel bad not getting his biscuits and crackers and stuff when I do a shop as there isn't much he will eat through the day otherwise. Maybe he does have some sort of eating disorder...

He isn't a 100% bastard, he's just really annoying with some stuff!

He knows you feel bad for him so he keeps doing it.

Nothing is preventing him from buying his own snacks. Nothing.

WickedStepmomNOT · 28/02/2022 16:26

You don't have to buy a box, have you got a locking suitcase? Or buy a padlock £3-5, and use it on the suitcase zippers or backpack zippers. Keep the keys away from him, and just dole out treats - put in cupboard - now and then.

Kumbaya12 · 28/02/2022 16:28

The issue isn’t that he eats them all but has no guilt.
Either :
Stop buying any snacks.
Or stop making him dinner, go on a protest. Don’t be polite, cry, yell stomp your feet. Tell him that he doesn’t love you.

me4real · 28/02/2022 16:29

@iRun2eatCake That one is actually quite small I think. The one I linked to has more room for packets of crisps etc, that can take up quite a bit of space. But it's trial and error, I bought one that was far too small the first time round. It's the crisps. Smile

Kumbaya12 · 28/02/2022 16:30

Also my DP is a bit similar. Won’t eat any vegetables, eats a very small range of food, scoffs a whole packet of sweets.
The difference is he leaves stuff for me because the one time he dared to finish everything I raised hell and refused to put my foot down until he made it up several times over.

Not victim blaming obviously his behaviour is his fault but people don’t see how much it means until you make a fuss!

Strangely the corporate world works like too 😏

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 28/02/2022 16:30

I wouldn’t be encouraging him to snack all day on biscuits like he is. I’d consider the fact he doesn’t eat breakfast and lunch (although a sandwich is surely lunch?) as a reason not to buy snack in. If they weren’t there, maybe he’d make proper food? Or at least make himself something from scratch.

NoOtherShadeOfBlue · 28/02/2022 16:31

I wish people wouldn't speculate that he has an eating disorder. I have suffered from binge eating issues for my whole life and I never steal other people's food. Bingeing is a shameful, secret activity for people with a disordered approach to food. It isn't a greedy, selfish behaviour. If I am going to binge I go out and buy the food for it - in the past, I've gone to different shops so I don't worry the cashier will judge me for how much I'm buying. I wouldn't take it from the cupboards where it would be missed. Yes, it's an overwhelming compulsion but I'd no more help myself to the children's Easter eggs than I would start ripping off the wrappers in Tesco and stuffing it all down in the aisle. I know their chocolate is off limits and however bad the urge was, I wouldn't take it from them. This kind of behaviour isn't an eating disorder, it's not giving a fuck about other people.

Madwife123 · 28/02/2022 16:39

He is giving his daughter a really unhealthy relationship with food.

What a selfish entitled greedy man.

Ilovenutellaaaaa · 28/02/2022 16:41

Op get locks for the snack cupboard and also put the snacks in lockable boxes inside the locked snack cupboard (then it's doubly locked against his greedy behaviour)

Seriously though you do know it's not normal to binge eat every snack in the house just because it's there like he is doing to the extent that the rest of you don't get your snacks

It sounds like he has an eating disorder with all the binge eating, would he be open to speaking to his doctor about it, because if he's addicted to gorging himself on snacks he won't stop without help

Also get rid of all unhealthy snacks and stock up on fresh fruit snacks,trail mix, pretzels, ...if he gorges his way through
those the same as he does with the sweeter snacks then he has an eating disorder

What is his weight like with all the binging on snacks?

Zilla1 · 28/02/2022 16:46

Is it lack of will power rather than arrogance?

Short-term - every time he eats something then he has to tell you and go and replace it using his own money if no shared finances.
medium-term - lay in some large quantities of the least unhealthy snack he will eat so he can fill on that to try and improve his diet if you are about his health or else a 35p pack of cheap biscuits he can eat away on.
longer-term - he might need some support to improve his relationship with food.

Good luck.

RandomMess · 28/02/2022 16:48

Sounds like he needs more protein based food to snack on - sausage rolls, pasty, scotch egg rather than just biscuits!

Ohyesiam · 28/02/2022 16:49

Compulsive eating is a type of addiction. I’m not siding with him or excusing him in any way , he’s being an arse by knicking your treats, but a different approach might work better.
Look up resources for self soothing with food / compulsive eating and share it with him.

ChocolateMassacre · 28/02/2022 16:50

I agree with @NoOtherShadeOfBlue. Lots of people who suffer from binge eating issues would never dream of touching food that doesn't belong to them. It's selfish and lazy.

I would try ordinary boxes first rather than lockable ones... one for your DSD and one for you. Put your snacks into the boxes and tell him that he can have free reign on the rest of the stuff in the cupboard but needs to leave the boxes alone. That removes any excuse of "I thought you didn't want it".

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 28/02/2022 16:53

Why does everything have to be excused as a disorder or condition, some people are just bloody selfish and greedy.

blueluce85 · 28/02/2022 16:54

You'd be surprised how the cost adds up! Definitely get the lock boxes

Dillydollydingdong · 28/02/2022 16:55

I'd buy a lockable box and keep the snacks in there.

yoyobaby · 28/02/2022 16:56

Omg. You're literally living my life.

This is literally my DP and he honestly can't help himself. I've just had a go at mine because he's finished two wings that I was saving to have for my dinner🙃 the problem with mine is, it isn't just snacks. It's food in GENERAL. Anything that's there and not his, he'll eat. I genuinely think he's conflicted and once he has his eyes on something he has no self control.

DP has eaten/finished Doritos that I've been saving for the next day. He'll drink my drink that I've left on the table and said the reason he's done it because he's thought I had enough??? The other day I woke up and a WHOLE DOUBLE PACK of custard creams were completely gone. I had 4 out of the whole thing. I can literally go on forever. To make it worse, I'm heavily pregnant and this guy still has no mercy and will still finish my food. Like yours, he'll always replace it but fucking hell why can't they get a grip and stop acting like a 5 year old

00100001 · 28/02/2022 17:01

@mrsm43s
Really, so if someone had bought you your favourite bun from the bakers and you were looking forward to having it with a cup of tea that afternoon, and then go to have it and find someone else has eaten it...you'd be cool with that?

ButtockUp · 28/02/2022 17:01

To be quite honest, I'd stop buying treats and snacks, particularly as money is tight.
Maybe get something for your step daughter and hide it where he can't find it, so that she has got something for herself to look forward to.
If she only eats , say, half a chocolate bar then put the other half somewhere safe and tell her you'll get it out for her when she asks.

If your partner says anything, just tell him that it's your last resort to protecting her treats.
If he wants treats then he has to source them himself.

Cuddlemuffin · 28/02/2022 17:02

@NoOtherShadeOfBlue I think lots of people have a difficult relationship with food. I think everyone has their own experiences and what ones person's disordered eating looks like may be different from another's. There is a lot of shame around stealing other people's food due to lack of self-control - for some people, others can control themselves in some aspects but not others. The OPs husband may or may not feel this way but I think it's a fair observation to make with the small amount of information given. I think the fact that lots of people on this thread are showing a lack of compassion by calling him selfish and greedy is also very triggering for those who do eat compulsively. It's a difficult topic of conversation. I hope my comment didn't offend or annoy you as it wasn't meant that way at all.

00100001 · 28/02/2022 17:02

@yoyobaby

Omg. You're literally living my life.

This is literally my DP and he honestly can't help himself. I've just had a go at mine because he's finished two wings that I was saving to have for my dinner🙃 the problem with mine is, it isn't just snacks. It's food in GENERAL. Anything that's there and not his, he'll eat. I genuinely think he's conflicted and once he has his eyes on something he has no self control.

DP has eaten/finished Doritos that I've been saving for the next day. He'll drink my drink that I've left on the table and said the reason he's done it because he's thought I had enough??? The other day I woke up and a WHOLE DOUBLE PACK of custard creams were completely gone. I had 4 out of the whole thing. I can literally go on forever. To make it worse, I'm heavily pregnant and this guy still has no mercy and will still finish my food. Like yours, he'll always replace it but fucking hell why can't they get a grip and stop acting like a 5 year old

Greedy fucker.

He's selfish