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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Hubby wants a round of applause

98 replies

autienotnaughty · 28/02/2022 09:07

So I have just come back from a night away. Oh flew solo with ds 1.5 days. Also our dog was there who's more demanding than child! Dh was happy for me to go no issues. When I got back house was a state (clothes on floor, dog hair not swept, muddy paw prints and uniform wasn't ready for school) I never said a word but I moaned this morning about feeling tired. He said I can't complain as I'd been having fun and seems to think he's done something impressive by looking after his child! On occasions when he has gone away everything just ticks over. I appreciate I work less hours so take on more of housework generally but aibu to feel he should keep on top of jobs when I'm not there?

OP posts:

Creeeper · 28/02/2022 09:13

Hmmm, I think this is a bit of both. If I go on a hen do for a weekend and leave husband with 2 kids and a dog then I am absolutely prepared for him to hand them over to me when I get home, and flop on the sofa. Then I’ll load the dishwasher / do dinner etc.

But it’s the same the other way around, if he goes away then I spend more time looking after the toddlers than I do doing chores so the house definitely doesn’t look perfect when he returns and he’s happy to do stuff

I think it just depends on what is usual in your house tbh

Pizzadreams · 28/02/2022 09:15

Meh, as long as all fed no one dead I’d not get upset about this.

gamerchick · 28/02/2022 09:18

I hope you're not cleaning up after him? And he needs to be told or it'll happen again. He goes away and everything ticks over, you go away and come back to a shithole. That needs spelling out.

LeticiaLeghorn · 28/02/2022 09:18

@Pizzadreams

Meh, as long as all fed no one dead I’d not get upset about this.

Haha. All fed, none dead. It's a win.

Onlyforcake · 28/02/2022 09:21

It sucks but if he's not got the experience (why?) Then you can understand why he's only done the bare minimum. He's new to the job, it would seem, and apparently not yet ready for the full job load.

Twizbe · 28/02/2022 09:24

I would be pissed off too.

I went away with the kids but without DH over half term and I came home to a spotless house. I'm a SAHP so do all the housework usually.

I went into hospital for a day and came home to a spotless house with children fed and watered and a homemade card and flowers for me.

If I go away without the kids, I come home to a tidy house with dishwasher done and all usual chores done.

There's no excuse for your DH to not adult in your absence.

User73ui843 · 28/02/2022 09:33

Embarrassing.
School age child and dog. Whoopi do.
I love that 'noone dead' is the bar set for men.
No uniform washed ffs.
Dog mess.

Did he expect you to do it?

SparklingLime · 28/02/2022 09:36

YANBU. The bar is so low for men. How is it a break if you have to come home to his mess?

whiteworldgettingwhiter · 28/02/2022 09:37

Meh, as long as all fed no one dead I’d not get upset about this.

This is so depressingl. So all you expect from your h is that he keeps the kids alive? What a depressingly low bar to set.

OP, if when you have the dc alone your h returns to a clean house with all chores done, then he should do the same for you!

I hate coming back from being away to find the house a shit tip - it ruins the effects of my time away! And my h knows this.

Chamomileteaplease · 28/02/2022 09:39

I think the problem here is that you haven't expressed your dissatisfaction with him directly.

Instead of that you said that you were tired and when you have been for a fun night away that does sound insensitive.

But, I do think that a chat should be had about how crap he has been in keeping on top of normal housekeeping stuff.

Momijin · 28/02/2022 09:42

That's just ridiculous op and shows that he doesn't pull his weight and needs to do more.

GeneLovesJezebel · 28/02/2022 09:44

Bless him, what a good boy for giving you a day off 🤣

Ragruggers · 28/02/2022 09:46

You need to go away more often then he will get more practice!It really is shocking how incapable some men are.This is because they know they will get away with it.Have words with him.pull him up on it otherwise nothing will change.

iheartmybeachhut · 28/02/2022 09:46

@Pizzadreams

Meh, as long as all fed no one dead I’d not get upset about this.

Typical not amusing response of too many posters on here, low bar and then complain when they are badly treated and the dc are ignored / not maintained by waste of space sperm donors.

Notwithittoday · 28/02/2022 09:48

I’m on your side. I took one dc out yesterday for two hours. Left DH in with our toddler ( who napped for the first hour). Came home to a sink full of dishes, high chair, surfaces and floor covered in bits of food and dirty laundry from changing the toddler on the floor. Not even as if I was out doing anything for myself

PyongyangKipperbang · 28/02/2022 09:49

@gamerchick

I hope you're not cleaning up after him? And he needs to be told or it'll happen again. He goes away and everything ticks over, you go away and come back to a shithole. That needs spelling out.

This

If he isnt bothered about doing the washing, stop doing his.

NoSquirrels · 28/02/2022 09:50

When I got back house was a state (clothes on floor, dog hair not swept, muddy paw prints and uniform wasn't ready for school) I never said a word but I moaned this morning about feeling tired. He said I can't complain as I'd been having fun

Why did you say you were tired? Were you tired because you stayed up late doing housework? If so, say that.

To be perfectly honest it doesn’t sound too bad.

When you say “uniform not ready” do you mean unwashed, or just not put out ready? Dog hair sweeping takes a few minutes, it’s not a big deal. Clothes can get picked up.

Go away more often, get better at communicating what you need/expect.

Momicrone · 28/02/2022 09:51

It takes away the pleasure of going away if your reward is having to clean the house

AllOfUsAreDead · 28/02/2022 09:54

I'd have laughed at him. That's pathetic, it was a weekend so he wasn't even working. And it's not like he has to wash clothes by hand, it takes a few mins to put a load on, so what the hell was he doing? Just sat on his arse making sure his son didn't manage to die in his care? Wow what a big boy, he did so well.

Original poster

autienotnaughty · 28/02/2022 09:55

I was tired from lack of sleep , alcohol etc 😂 I will need to tackle house today as dh is at work and I'm off. I generally do most house work as i work less but dh is not incapable. He knows what needs to be done and should not need telling. Will probably have a word today, didn't want to do it when I walked in door last night. It does my head in when men 'babysit' it doesn't come up very often but as pp have said maybe it needs to!

OP posts:

PegasusReturns · 28/02/2022 10:01

He’s pathetic.

He’ll tell you today that “you only needed to ask and I’d have done it”.

He’s an adult looking after one school age child and a dog. You’ve had a rare weekend away, you should have been coming home to everything sorted and dinner in oven.

VirginiaQ · 28/02/2022 10:03

My ex was like this but instead of doing what needed to be done would focus on something completely unnecessary. I went away for the weekend once leaving him with a four year old and a 7 year old. I retuned on the Sunday and there were pots and pans unwashed all round the kitchen and the house was a tip. Most importantly he hadn't washed the children's school uniforms for the following day. However he had collected every sock in the house and decided to wash them (however they were still wet in the washing machine as he hadn't bothered to even get them out and attempt to dry them)! Bizarre!

TheRideOfYourLife · 28/02/2022 10:11

@Pizzadreams

Meh, as long as all fed no one dead I’d not get upset about this.

Same here.

RebeccaCloud9 · 28/02/2022 10:14

I've just been away for the weekend with the kids. None of the uniform was washed or ready. I asked him if he'd done it. My fault apparently for not explicitly telling him to. But he is a fully grown adult with a brain. He knows the kids go to school on a Monday. He knows I do the laundry. Doesn't take a flipping genius to join the dots and figure out that if they are to have clean uniform, the adult at home needs to do something about that.

Hiddenvoice · 28/02/2022 10:15

I wouldn’t be too bothered about it. If I’d been a weekend away and came home saying I was tired my dh would make a jokey comment.
If the uniform wasn’t washed I’d be annoyed but if it’s a case of it’s not put out ready then I wouldn’t see it as a big deal.
My dh would tidy but probably wouldn’t be the exact way j like 😅 but that’s more my problem than his. I’m not excusing your dh attitude and the mess but Id probably excuse the mess if him and your child had a really fun weekend just the two of them

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