Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hubby wants a round of applause

98 replies

autienotnaughty · 28/02/2022 09:07

So I have just come back from a night away. Oh flew solo with ds 1.5 days. Also our dog was there who's more demanding than child! Dh was happy for me to go no issues. When I got back house was a state (clothes on floor, dog hair not swept, muddy paw prints and uniform wasn't ready for school) I never said a word but I moaned this morning about feeling tired. He said I can't complain as I'd been having fun and seems to think he's done something impressive by looking after his child! On occasions when he has gone away everything just ticks over. I appreciate I work less hours so take on more of housework generally but aibu to feel he should keep on top of jobs when I'm not there?

OP posts:
Weller123 · 28/02/2022 11:19

You both got some well-earned downtime over the weekend and you’re both going to work today - him to do his part in paying the bills, you to get some things done at home that weren’t done at the weekend. Sounds like perfect team work to me Smile.

CleansUpButWouldPreferNotTo · 28/02/2022 11:19

@BluerThanRobinsEggs

You could take a leaf out of my friend's book - she left a clean house, empty bins, empty laundry basket, full fridge etc to go away for a week and came back to a shitheap. Turned right around and went to a hotel saying to let her know when the house was in exactly the same state she'd left it in and she'd come back.

It took two days.

🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 That's wonderful!!! More women should do this!
Delatron · 28/02/2022 11:21

@VirginiaQ my DH does this! I think it’s an avoidance tactic. So he won’t do basic washing, cleaning but he will decide he absolutely has to clear out a kitchen cupboard (or the garage) and get everything out to clean it. Making even more of a mess. Then I should be grateful because when do I ever clean the kitchen cupboards? It incenses me.

AryaStarkWolf · 28/02/2022 11:24

@Weller123

You both got some well-earned downtime over the weekend and you’re both going to work today - him to do his part in paying the bills, you to get some things done at home that weren’t done at the weekend. Sounds like perfect team work to me Smile.
Ugh
Original poster
autienotnaughty · 28/02/2022 11:24

@Weller123 fair point Smile

OP posts:
BlingLoving · 28/02/2022 11:25

I am usually the first one to moan at the cranes of men on a daily basis, but if you are usually 100% in charge of uniform, I actually would not blame him for that one as it wasn't something that was needed in that day and a half and it isn't part of his usual routine.

The house being a complete tip though.... that I'd have an issue with.

If Dh went away on garbage day, I might remember but the chances are I'd have to actually research which bins are which. So the one time he did go away on bin day, he gave me instructions. Similarly, I wouldn't expect DH to remember to do the big shop because I do it 100% of the time (although I would expect him to be perfectly competent to notice and buy essentials as needed while I was away).

But the basics of a basically clean, tidy house and no detritus from meals seems the bare minimum frankly.

Momicrone · 28/02/2022 11:26

I'm sure 'he's a great father'

DameHelena · 28/02/2022 11:39

My house is a bit of a tip, so I wouldn't be worried about clothes on the floor. Dog hair and muddy paw prints I'd be Hmm about though, as I'd do those immediately they happened, so why shouldn't he? And uniform ready for school is just a basic no-brainer (regardless of who is usually in charge of it; it's HIS family too and I assume he's a competent adult who understands the concept of kids and clean/ready uniform!)

I'd be unimpressed.
.

Delatron · 28/02/2022 11:56

Last time I went away I didn’t tidy first (or do more than my share). It worked in that I didn’t feel resentful. I came back to a marginal improvement I think.

I think the mistake is leaving the house spotless! It will never be like that when you get back.

SerendipitySunshine · 28/02/2022 11:56

@SleepingStandingUp Very much so. It's self-inflicted. I'm not here to be moaned at. If he comes back hungover, it's very much his problem and I don't want to hear about it or have to sympathise.

It goes both ways - I wouldn't dream of coming back from a break while he's been doing everything at home to moan about how rough I feel.

Seniorandjunior · 28/02/2022 12:05

Strategic incompetence.

Stop blaming the OP! He's a grown man. The excusers on this thread. Jesus wept.

You sound v calm OP. I would not be.

Creeeper · 28/02/2022 12:11

[quote SerendipitySunshine]@SleepingStandingUp Very much so. It's self-inflicted. I'm not here to be moaned at. If he comes back hungover, it's very much his problem and I don't want to hear about it or have to sympathise.

It goes both ways - I wouldn't dream of coming back from a break while he's been doing everything at home to moan about how rough I feel.[/quote]
I find this attitude on mumsnet so weird

When my husband comes home hungover and having had a great time, I sympathise with him and want to hear all about it. I’d make him some tea and then listen to the gossip. He’d do exactly the same for me - take the piss out of me for overdoing it and bring me a coke / run a bath / send me back to bed while sorting out dinner etc.

There is a massive attitude on MN of point scoring and feeling very personal about keeping an exact tally of who and what has done what but the default position should be everyone at home pitching in. I think the healthiest relationships wax and wane with everyone doing equal bits but graciously taking / accepting a break from life admin and then taking up the slack while the other does it

Feckless men and martyr women do not make a good combo

girlmom21 · 28/02/2022 12:14

There are some really low bars here. You shouldn't have to come back to a shit hole and be grateful that nobody died while you were away.

SleepingStandingUp · 28/02/2022 12:17

[quote SerendipitySunshine]@SleepingStandingUp Very much so. It's self-inflicted. I'm not here to be moaned at. If he comes back hungover, it's very much his problem and I don't want to hear about it or have to sympathise.

It goes both ways - I wouldn't dream of coming back from a break while he's been doing everything at home to moan about how rough I feel.[/quote]
You're not there to be moaned at but there's a difference between being allowed to express how you're feeling and sitting there shining and asking your partner to wipe your nose for you because it was so hard being drunk all weekend.
I don't expect to be told off for saying how I feel if it's a statement of fact because I'm an adult in my own home. If I'm tired I'm tired. It doesn't mean he isn't or can't be more so. But it's still true.

User73ui843 · 28/02/2022 12:24

@Momicrone

I'm sure 'he's a great father'
Yes he'll also 'have really great points'.

I wouldn't expect that he'd spend all weekend cleaning but...picking up worn clothes.. cleaning after dog.. school uniform.

Did he just sit there while you ran around doing the jobs or did he actually help?

Fluffycloudland77 · 28/02/2022 12:30

Ime a fair percentage of men stop maturing past 14-16 years old. Therefore when they do have to act like adults they genuinely expect a round of applause off their partners who are actual grown ups.

Unfortunately you don’t always realise until you have a real child to look after that your partners an extra child still expecting mommy to sort everything out for them.

AryaStarkWolf · 28/02/2022 12:31

@Creeeper Totally agree with your post.

PepeSilviaDoesNotExist · 28/02/2022 12:32

People have such unbelievably low expectations of men.

I would be embarrassed to expect praise for looking after my own children. Even more so if I had not found the time to do a few quick jobs around the house. Cleaning the floor and hanging out the uniform is a very low bar.

If your husband was away at a stag he wouldn’t have come back to the house like this.

LuckySantangelo35 · 28/02/2022 12:33

@Pizzadreams

Meh, as long as all fed no one dead I’d not get upset about this.
@Pizzadreams is that you standard you hold yourself to? I would imagine not. I would imagine you expect far more from yourself. So why expect and accept so little from him??
AryaStarkWolf · 28/02/2022 12:34

Unfortunately you don’t always realise until you have a real child to look after that your partners an extra child still expecting mommy to sort everything out for them.

I cheated with mine, he already a child from a previous relationship when I met him and I could see how capable he was with him :p

girlmom21 · 28/02/2022 12:54

@AryaStarkWolf

Unfortunately you don’t always realise until you have a real child to look after that your partners an extra child still expecting mommy to sort everything out for them.

I cheated with mine, he already a child from a previous relationship when I met him and I could see how capable he was with him :p

I misunderstood your post when I read the first four words and thought you were incredibly brave admitting to cheating with your husband ffs Grin
SleepingStandingUp · 28/02/2022 13:00

Thank god its not just me @Creeeper. I went away, slept OK but had a fair bit to drink so its never fully restful. I came home and told DH how tired he was. He didn't treat me like a whiny 6 yo or a bad wife. He made dinner.

FantasticFebruary · 28/02/2022 13:03

@SerendipitySunshine

I'd be pretty pissed off if DH came back from a boozy weekend and moaned he was tired.
Why?

A weekend away can be really tiring, why do you have a problem with someone saying that?

AryaStarkWolf · 28/02/2022 13:05

I misunderstood your post when I read the first four words and thought you were incredibly brave admitting to cheating with your husband ffs

bahahaha, oh god it does read a bit like that now you mention it! No, we were both single when we got together, I promise!

AryaStarkWolf · 28/02/2022 13:08

@SleepingStandingUp

Thank god its not just me *@Creeeper*. I went away, slept OK but had a fair bit to drink so its never fully restful. I came home and told DH how tired he was. He didn't treat me like a whiny 6 yo or a bad wife. He made dinner.
Exactly right! My DH would be the same and I'd look after him in the reverse situation. I guess that only works if you're both on similar wavelengths when it comes to looking after household stuff and each other though
Swipe left for the next trending thread