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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP being childish.

111 replies

supersop60 · 27/02/2022 12:03

Just a short one, and venting really.
DP decided to change the bedding this morning, and complained that 'all of the duvet covers are missing'. (they're not)
Anyway, he went to work and I went to put a clean cover on, and couldn't find the dirty one anywhere - not in the wash basket, or in a pile. So I rang him - where's the duvet cover you took off?
reply - 'it's in the back of my car, I'm taking it to the dump, I've always hated it'
To which I replied 'Fuck that. I'm going to throw away all the stuff of yours that I hate!'
WIBU?

OP posts:
stripeyflowers · 27/02/2022 14:58

Oh, OP, this is upsetting!

I can't help but see them as acts of violence towards to you - not directly as your physical body but your possessions and things that you love. It is as though he wants to destroy your pleasures in life. Yes, it did initially sound amusing there's nothing funny about it. Reading this it's obvious why you reacted with the threat to throw his stuff away.

No, 'silently seething' is just no good. I would make it very clear to him how I feel. If he still doesn't change and shows no signs of wanting to work on his issue, which is clearly is, I would have start thinking about separating. It's just not acceptable. Flowers

UndertheCedartree · 27/02/2022 15:00

[quote supersop60]It's this one. Not terrible.
images.dunelm.com/30682964.jpg?$standardplayerdefault$&img404=noimagedefault[/quote]
I like it!

Soubriquet · 27/02/2022 15:03

I like the duvet cover Blush

He sounds like a very controlling man tbh. If he doesn’t like it, you aren’t allowed to have it

longtompot · 27/02/2022 15:11

I have that one, but even if I didn't he still being an arse

Name99 · 27/02/2022 15:13

I want to see the duvet covers he likes

Jvg33 · 27/02/2022 15:33

@mibbelucieachwell

I know this isn't the point but I love that duvet cover.
I like it too.
RoyKentsChestHair · 27/02/2022 15:36

I have that duvet cover and I love it. (I also have plain white hotel style bedding, some geometric scandi ones and some IKEA florals if that makes it any better!)

My first thought was that he’d pooped the bed and was disposing of the evidence too! See what he does when he gets home - if he’s quick to shove it in the machine then it might explain something Grin.

But on a less light note, if he’s generally controlling and a bit of an arsehole then start planning how you can leave him. It isn’t easy. I’m struggling after splitting with my DP of 9 years and we didn’t even live together, but when your lives are so intertwined it’s a real wrench splitting up. But you only get one life and he’s making yours harder than it needs to be and he isn’t bringing joy to it, what’s the point?

CaptSkippy · 27/02/2022 15:45

OP, I think you have a husband problem. Sabotaging or destroying things you like are early signs of narcissistic abuse.

whysoserious123 · 27/02/2022 15:47

Did you buy the matching curtains. If so I would be fuming otherwise I'd be on Dunelm now ordering two new duvet covers. The same one and any other that takes my fancy just incase he decides to throw a duvet cover out...again

Original poster
supersop60 · 27/02/2022 15:53

@CaptSkippy - interesting. There is a selfishness that runs down from his GF to his DF, which I see in him from time to time. His friends don't. They think he's wonderful, and tell me so.

OP posts:
whiteworldgettingwhiter · 27/02/2022 16:21

I love the duvet cover. Glad your h has realised what a twat he was, and is bringing the duvet cover home.

Good luck with your talk. Sounds like there is a lot to talk about.

WalkingOnTheCracks · 27/02/2022 16:43

[quote supersop60]It's this one. Not terrible.
images.dunelm.com/30682964.jpg?$standardplayerdefault$&img404=noimagedefault[/quote]
Well, I was going to say that you're both being a bit childish - but then I saw the picture and I have to say I think he's absolutely within his rights.

faw2009 · 27/02/2022 16:48

I like the duvet cover.

But this is clearly NOT about the duvet cover.

Did his friends say you'd done well for your self?

Nanny0gg · 27/02/2022 16:50

@GlamorousHeifer

The duvet cover is lovely and even if it is not to others tastes I think its bloody rude to come on here and say so!
Yes, we need photographic proof of everyone else's exquisite taste!
Nanny0gg · 27/02/2022 16:53

@supersop60

All of the above were following discussions so he knew my thoughts and feelings and chose to ignore them.

Of course he didn't ignore them! He deliberately and maliciously did those things to hurt you.

What do you want to do?

SmolCat · 27/02/2022 16:55

Even before you linked it I knew which duvet cover it would be. That pattern was EVERYWHERE. As proven by the number of people commenting who also have it!

I don’t personally like it but if you want to get back at him Dunelm went absolutely nuts for that pattern: lampshades, blinds, mugs, cushions, wallpaper, oven gloves. Deck your whole house out in it.

oohaarghoohaargh · 27/02/2022 17:13

All those on here trashing the duvet please please post your superior duvet cover photos for me to trash

WalkingOnTheCracks · 27/02/2022 17:47

@oohaarghoohaargh

All those on here trashing the duvet please please post your superior duvet cover photos for me to trash
In the event of my duvet cover being the subject of a thread I shall certainly do that.
Proudplantowner · 27/02/2022 18:41

I know it's not about what he gave away, but when you said he gave away your GM's crockery that really annoyed me. That's the sort of thing I have to remind me of them, like their vintage tea set. He shouldn't be giving stuff away, it just shows that he doesn't respect you. I'm sure you've got things of his that aren't to your taste but like you said, you wouldn't just throw them away!

longtompot · 27/02/2022 18:59

In honour of ops duvet cover, I have put mine on my bed tonight Grin

user1471505494 · 27/02/2022 19:16

[quote supersop60]It's this one. Not terrible.
images.dunelm.com/30682964.jpg?$standardplayerdefault$&img404=noimagedefault[/quote]
I’ve got that one and really like it

Original poster
supersop60 · 27/02/2022 19:37

Well, he's back. We had a superficial conversation about duvet covers, and what we like and don't like etc. He is very hard to pin down for real relationship talk

OP posts:
Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 27/02/2022 19:48

Take one of mil's covers... Ideal to wrap a body in.
New patio op?

RedRec · 27/02/2022 19:55

I have that very same duvet cover set and love it!

Sparkletastic · 27/02/2022 20:07

We have that set and we all love it (DH and teen DDs). Not the point. The point is that he needs to stop thinking it's his way or the highway.