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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

First date tonight - when do I contact him

82 replies

isla1982 · 27/02/2022 11:07

Hi all
First date tonight with a guy I've been chatting to online for a couple of weeks. We've been exchanging messages back and forth and take a good few hours/a day to reply to each other each time so I'm not concerned about that. I last sent a message at 6pm last night which he's not opened yet. We haven't set a time but have decided the place we are going to this eve etc. Should I wait for him to respond to my message from last night or should I message him again asking him what time to meet? He's got his little one this morning so I imagine that's why I've not heard anything yet

OP posts:

RosieLemonadeAndSugar · 27/02/2022 11:09

Wait for him to message you

Babymamamama · 27/02/2022 11:09

Don’t text again leave him to firm it up. If he doesn’t then don’t chase it. Sorry I’m old fashioned.

Original poster

isla1982 · 27/02/2022 11:11

Thank you both. I won't text.

OP posts:

Pebbledashery · 27/02/2022 11:12

Yes, if he's got his child then leave him to get back to you.. It's nice he's not constantly on his phone with his child.. I sometimes take several hours to read messages when I'm busy, I'd rather leave them unread then read and reply later, i feel the latter is rude.

Original poster

isla1982 · 27/02/2022 11:13

Thank you, yes he doesn't leave me on read. He just doesn't open them then replies later, as do I

OP posts:

Mooey89 · 27/02/2022 11:14

I would leave it but if you haven’t heard by 3pm assume it’s not happening

MissMaple82 · 27/02/2022 11:18

I think this will end in a ghosting experience

Original poster

isla1982 · 27/02/2022 11:20

Really? I hope not! I'm pretty new to dating again so who knows!

OP posts:

SNUG2022 · 27/02/2022 11:26

Hmmmm, I'm not sure either. I mean, you messaged him at 6pm yesterday. Is he getting cold feet? What time is his dc going home?

Natty13 · 27/02/2022 11:35

I'm very not old fashioned so don't subscribe to "men need to text first" etc. but did always had the rule that I'm not chasing anyone. In my experience a man who doesn't do his share of arranging a concrete time and place for dates either isn't bothered or is lazy and will end up expecting you do do all the planning grunt work if you end up together.

Fireflygal · 27/02/2022 11:38

He could have responded last night. Definitely don't text again. If you are new to dating then you might need to not get hopes up until you actually meet. Until then assume "nothing is real". Isn't there a dating thread on here which lists all the rules? Might be useful to join.

BeaAggressiv · 27/02/2022 11:39

Don't text. Wait for him.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 27/02/2022 11:40

If I was meeting someone tonight and hadn't confirmed a time, I'd have messaged them before now.

Why should you be left hanging and waiting around for him because he can't be arsed to text you back?

Starseeking · 27/02/2022 11:41

I'd wait for him to respond.

Also when online dating, I'd meet as soon as possible, ideally within a few days of first connecting, not weeks, so you're not building each other up in your heads, and have an early chance to gauge if you click in person.

wingscrow · 27/02/2022 11:47

Don't message him again.

This is not a good sign. He should have confirmed all details with you in advance. It is rude to assume someone is happy to wait for a time of meeting to be confirmed at the last minute on the day.

Also, as a general tip I would meet first for a coffee and an informal chat rather than plan a full evening outing when OLD. You know nothing about him and the first encounter is usually a chance to assess initial compatibility and then move on to have a proper date.

Having a coffee means you can leave fairly quickly if you don't click and no alcohol is involved. It is easier as well to fit into your usual routine so there isn't too much disruption if the guy cancels at the last minute/does not turn up.

Original poster

isla1982 · 27/02/2022 11:51

Thanks everyone. Oh dear! I'm pretty laid back and didn't realise all these rules/things being bad signs. I think he drops his little one back at 12ish? He's not been online but I know they've gone swimming this morning. We shall see eh! I'm off out anyway to enjoy my day

OP posts:

WonderfulYou · 27/02/2022 11:51

It’s very easy to not read your messages from 6pm until now so I wouldn’t worry too much.

I don’t see the point in messaging again as if he’s not seen your message yet I doubt he’ll see your next one.
I would give it until about 3pm and then decide if you want to send a ? or something.

AlternativelyWired · 27/02/2022 11:51

Why give him this power of hanging on for him to contact you? Fuck that shit. If he was interested he'd have set a time well before the day of the date. I'd make alternative plans even if it's just a bath and a book. When or if he finally messages tell him he didn't get back to you so you didn't think it was going ahead and you've made other plans. His loss. Never live on maybes or wait around for anyone to let you know what's happening in your life.

AuntTwacky · 27/02/2022 12:06

Just text him and ask

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 27/02/2022 12:20

It’s very easy to not read your messages from 6pm until now so I wouldn’t worry too much.

Yes, it's easy to ignore your messages, but it's also pretty shitty not to confirm plans with someone until the last minute. It takes two seconds to check your phone and send a response.

dottydodah · 27/02/2022 12:28

I would wait until about 3 pm I think .If nothing heard just send a casual text "Hi just checking what time are we meeting again? " and leave it at that . If nothing by 5pm maybe presume not happening .(hopefully not the case obv!)

MalbecandToast · 27/02/2022 12:28

Another thinking your being ghosted here OP, sorry

VladmirsPoutine · 27/02/2022 12:32

Don't text back whatever you do! And also back when I was in the early days of OLD I couldn't put the phone down for all the flurry of messages between my potential suitor and I so this doesn't bode well so far but you never know!

LadyLolaRuben · 27/02/2022 12:33

He needs to reply and confirm a time. If he's not got back to you by 3pm/4pm I wouldn't go. He cant expect you to hang around not knowing when you're meet is going to be. That would be a waste of your day. Let us know the outcome

Original poster

isla1982 · 27/02/2022 12:38

Hey ladies! Just had a text saying he's booked us a table somewhere at 8.30 :-)

OP posts:

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