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Original poster

First date tonight - when do I contact him

82 replies

isla1982 · 27/02/2022 11:07

Hi all
First date tonight with a guy I've been chatting to online for a couple of weeks. We've been exchanging messages back and forth and take a good few hours/a day to reply to each other each time so I'm not concerned about that. I last sent a message at 6pm last night which he's not opened yet. We haven't set a time but have decided the place we are going to this eve etc. Should I wait for him to respond to my message from last night or should I message him again asking him what time to meet? He's got his little one this morning so I imagine that's why I've not heard anything yet

OP posts:
dottydodah · 27/02/2022 12:43

Oh thats great ! Have a lovely time, and look forward to meeting him and getting ready for your night out.Update us with how it went !

Flittingaboutagain · 27/02/2022 12:46

Have a lovely time.

Original poster
isla1982 · 27/02/2022 12:46

Thanks everyone! Really nervous actually! Will have a large wine beforehand and keep you all updated of course!

OP posts:
SNUG2022 · 27/02/2022 12:48

Woo hoo!!

Itloggedmeoutagain · 27/02/2022 12:49

@Starseeking

I'd wait for him to respond.

Also when online dating, I'd meet as soon as possible, ideally within a few days of first connecting, not weeks, so you're not building each other up in your heads, and have an early chance to gauge if you click in person.

I disagree with this about meeting early on. We chatted for weeks because I wasn't ready to meet in person, he didn't want to rush me We're happily married now
RosieLemonadeAndSugar · 27/02/2022 13:20

See! Waiting paid off! Have a lovely date night! Wine

TokyoSushi · 27/02/2022 13:22

Yay! Have a lovely time!

Sweetlikejollof · 27/02/2022 13:36

@Itloggedmeoutagain Same. And we’re getting married in six months.

I’ve never understood the ‘meet as early as possible’ school of thought. From my perspective, if I just wanted to meet up with strange men about whom I knew nothing, I’d just go to a bar and find some. The whole point of online dating for me was that I could chat to people beforehand and suss them out a bit.

Joystir59 · 27/02/2022 13:39

8.30 seems very late to me. Is that just me?

Sweetlikejollof · 27/02/2022 13:40

@Joystir59

8.30 seems very late to me. Is that just me?
What time do you have dinner?
Sfumato · 27/02/2022 13:46

[quote Sweetlikejollof]@Itloggedmeoutagain Same. And we’re getting married in six months.

I’ve never understood the ‘meet as early as possible’ school of thought. From my perspective, if I just wanted to meet up with strange men about whom I knew nothing, I’d just go to a bar and find some. The whole point of online dating for me was that I could chat to people beforehand and suss them out a bit.[/quote]
Sure, but if it goes on for weeks or months, you've built one another up in your heads and it can all come crashing down if you don't like or fancy them in the flesh. It's easy to be someone you're not when messaging. And judging by on here, there seems to be a particular type of man who likes to chat with multiple women for long periods but has no intention of actually going on a date with them.

Sweetlikejollof · 27/02/2022 13:51

@Sfumato I’d generally chat for a couple of weeks, so not months, no.

I actually don’t think it’s that easy to misrepresent yourself when messaging, though. Not if you’re having proper conversations. It certainly hasn’t been my experience.

Original poster
isla1982 · 27/02/2022 13:51

@Joystir59

8.30 seems very late to me. Is that just me?
We're meeting at 8 for a drink somewhere beforehand but I have to get my kids to bed beforehand for the babysitter so wouldn't be able to leave any earlier really. 8.30 isn't that wild is it? My last date I actually met at 9.30 Grin
OP posts:
YukoandHiro · 27/02/2022 13:53

I'm married so haven't done this for years, but 8.30 isn't that late - and if you have to do bedtime first it's completely normal!

Enjoy yourself OP!

newnameforthis76 · 27/02/2022 15:01

@Joystir59

8.30 seems very late to me. Is that just me?
It’s a perfectly normal time for adults to go to a restaurant.
WonderfulYou · 27/02/2022 15:24

Have fun OP!!
Don’t drink too much wine before you go out incase you fall asleep half way through 😂

No I think 8:30pm is a normal time to go out.
Let us know how you get on Grin

CambsAlways · 27/02/2022 15:28

Good luck op

skybluee · 27/02/2022 15:56

8:30 is early for dinner for me.
Have fun.

Original poster
isla1982 · 27/02/2022 16:02

Thanks all!!

OP posts:
wingscrow · 27/02/2022 16:32

Good to hear that he replied but I would be cautious, as always with OLD.

For me drinks and dinner with someone you have never met is a bit OTT. Because it means being stuck with someone for hours who you might just not find attractive/interesting.

It is rare for men to jump straightaway into this type of date before they have even met the person. Or they expect something in return.

8pm/8.30 for me is a bit late too.

Maybe I am old cynic but OLD has taught me to be very, very careful when dealing with men in that context.

I hope you enjoy yourself and that my misgivings are unfounded.

Sweetlikejollof · 27/02/2022 17:04

@wingscrow

Good to hear that he replied but I would be cautious, as always with OLD.

For me drinks and dinner with someone you have never met is a bit OTT. Because it means being stuck with someone for hours who you might just not find attractive/interesting.

It is rare for men to jump straightaway into this type of date before they have even met the person. Or they expect something in return.

8pm/8.30 for me is a bit late too.

Maybe I am old cynic but OLD has taught me to be very, very careful when dealing with men in that context.

I hope you enjoy yourself and that my misgivings are unfounded.

Drinks and dinner were the standard date when I was OLD (so, about four years ago). So, I don’t think it’s rare at all. If you aren’t enjoying it/don’t find each other attractive, you leave after a drink and don’t have dinner - that’s what the drinks are for.

And nobody ‘expected something in return’. We’re not teenagers, I’ve never encountered anyone who thinks they’re getting a shag because you’ve shared a cheese board.

And 8/half 8 is perfectly normal time to have dinner. When do you have dinner?!

OP, I hope your date is lovely.

TheHoptimist · 27/02/2022 17:45

@Joystir59

8.30 seems very late to me. Is that just me?
Are you American?
MissMaple82 · 27/02/2022 18:39

It is rare considering this is essentially a blind date. I've done alot of online dating, only ever done dinner once, it's a big no no for me, as somone has already said, if ou don't like them your stuck for an entire evening. It's rare they ask out for dinner too, so he must be keen, normally just go for a drink. I'd be slightly annoyed though at his poor timing. I'm the type who would turn around and say, "sorry I've made other plans now seen as id not had a reply back" just to make my point. Hope it goes well though, I will look forward to the update

MissMaple82 · 27/02/2022 18:40

No, I think 8.30 is late too. 7pm is a good time. I like to be in bed for 10pm ha

Eggshausted · 27/02/2022 18:47

@Joystir59

8.30 seems very late to me. Is that just me?
I think it’s just you. That’s why most restaurants close between 11-12 pm…
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