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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP deleting social media

92 replies

456notsure · 25/02/2022 10:57

DP decided that he wants to deactivate all his social media today. His reasoning was that he wastes an awful lot of time scrolling and wants to use his free time better, he “just doesn’t want to be on it anymore”.

It seems quite sudden and it sounds silly but we’re at the age where us and our friends post quite a lot about holidays, each other’s birthdays etc. Is it bad that I feel sad that we won’t be able to do this? He says in person is more important.
I guess I worry too as he’s been very much all over social media before and when we met; we haven’t been together long - but now he suddenly wants completely off and I feel like it could be my fault somehow?

OP posts:
WomanStanleyWoman · 25/02/2022 10:59

Surely you don’t have to delete yours too?

NobodysGonnaKnow · 25/02/2022 11:00

Are you wondering if he’s deleting his SM for you alone and will just set up somewhere different abd make out he’s still single?

BloodyN0rah · 25/02/2022 11:00

OK, here comes the MN cynicism - could he have anything to hide and could this be why he's suddenly so coy? It could be perfectly innocent but have you considered the alternatives?

IsDaveThere · 25/02/2022 11:01

Why does your DP deleting his social media mean that you can't post about your holidays/birthday etc?

EatSleepReplete · 25/02/2022 11:01

Why would this be a problem for you? Presumably he's not asking you to do the same, you've not said he is.

Original poster
456notsure · 25/02/2022 11:01

I meant posting for each other’s birthdays which I quite like - sorry if it sounds a bit sad

OP posts:
EmmaH2022 · 25/02/2022 11:01

Well you can do it
I completely understand why he is doing this

I deleted a membership last week

I spent way too much time on here still!

Creeeper · 25/02/2022 11:02

My DH has no social media and it’s absolutely lovely for me! I think I used to absent mindedly look at ex’s SM profiles and then internally get a bit huffy if they weren’t to my liking (ie I wasn’t mentioned etc) but as my husband doesn’t have any then there is absolutely nothing to mind

I have also deleted most of my SM now anyway, he’s completely right that real friends don’t forget your birthdays or miss what your children are doing etc

EatSleepReplete · 25/02/2022 11:06

I have SM in my real name - FB etc, but I barely ever use it. It's full of pictures of "wine time" & other people's dinners, holiday snaps etc... I can't afford a holiday, rarely drink, & don't want to bore people with my dinner photos like they do I could happily delete FB but then I'd get phone calls from people asking what I'd done to upset them.

Unless you think he's setting up a secret SM account, does this affect you?

ohhooh · 25/02/2022 11:07

My DH has no social media - he deleted it last year, for the exact same reason as your DP. He was just scrolling wasting time! I kept mine, mainly because I love Instagram and the joy it brings.

I don't think it's suspicious at all, if anything it's something I find quite impressive (especially with how addictive social media is!).

If your main concern is you can't flaunt your relationship on social media by tagging him in posts, then yes that sounds really unreasonable. You can just still post whatever you want on there!

Angrymum22 · 25/02/2022 11:07

Surely a direct text is more personal to wish some one happy birthday or even a phone call.
I’m with your DH I spend far too much time scrolling. I’m also cutting back,

Georgeskitchen · 25/02/2022 11:07

He's probably sick of the constant stream of know it all, judgemental, opinionated, agree with me or you will get death threats, covis is a hoax etc utter verbal diarrhoea which is dished up by the minute on social media. I don't blame him 🤣

EatSleepReplete · 25/02/2022 11:07

And I'd rather say Happy Birthday to people in RL. Sorry if that sounds a bit old fashioned.

NobodysGonnaKnow · 25/02/2022 11:09

@456notsure

I meant posting for each other’s birthdays which I quite like - sorry if it sounds a bit sad
So you’re going to miss his public displays of affection? I guess if that’s important to you then yes that’s a shame, but honestly most of this stuff is just eye rolled at by others.
BasiliskFace · 25/02/2022 11:10

With posting for each other’s birthdays, do you mean literally posting happy birthday to your partner on social media? Do you feel you need to be “seen” to be having a relationship by others or it doesn’t count? Maybe you feel upset because you are losing that validation? I’m not trying to get at you, I understand the feeling - for me, getting married was that important validation of my relationship in front of others, I mean that’s literally part of what the marriage service is about. I wonder if social media is playing that same role for you?

Howshouldibehave · 25/02/2022 11:10

@456notsure

I meant posting for each other’s birthdays which I quite like - sorry if it sounds a bit sad
You and your friends can still do this though, yes?
Traumdeuter · 25/02/2022 11:12

@456notsure

I meant posting for each other’s birthdays which I quite like - sorry if it sounds a bit sad
Oh, so it means he won’t post “happy birthday to my lovely 456notsure, here’s to many more birthdays together” kind of thing?

Meh. I think if your group is used to that sort of thing then a gushing post from you about how you celebrated will be viewed the same! I’m on the fence - not keen on social media but do have a couple of profiles. DH is the same but uses different apps/sites so we never overlap but would both post occasionally.

ANameChangeAgain · 25/02/2022 11:14

I have family who use sm to big each other up, the dh will post something about what his amazing wife has achieved this week, and she will do a faux modest reply, and visa versa. Is this what you mean?

BarbaraofSeville · 25/02/2022 11:14

Wishing your partner happy birthday on social media is a very odd thing to do and certainly not a reason for him to keep it if he's decided he doesn't want it any more.

Toottooot · 25/02/2022 11:15

You want your boyfriend to wish you happy birthday on social media is that what’s upsetting you?

Octomore · 25/02/2022 11:15

If you need a FB / Insta post to validate your holidays and birthdays, then you're doing them wrong IMO.

He wants to spend less time scrolling online, and contact people personally rather than in the public forum of social media. What on earth could be wrong with that?

And YABVVU to be so self-centred as to believe that this is 'your fault' (or anything to do with you at all). He is his own person, not an extension of you.

gamerchick · 25/02/2022 11:15

It's up to him to unplug. Let it go.

I don't understand the birthday thing, my birthday isn't set to public and I'd think it was weird if my husband wished me a happy birthday online when we're in the same house.

Don't dwell on it, I'm sure you'll get plenty happy birthdays

WhatYouDontKnow · 25/02/2022 11:16

Why would anyone care about other people’s birthday’s, dinners or vacation pictures?
How boring!

wonderwoman26 · 25/02/2022 11:18

I've recently deleted my SM and I'm only 26.

SM is depressing, and it is very liberating to not have to put up the normal conventions of SM bullshit.

Good on your partner - hes just not interested in the fakery anymore and i completely get it.

The fact your bothered that he wont be posting Birthday pics if why SM is dog shit - focus on being in the moment on your birthday and seeing the attention he gives instead of using a SM post validate your feelings.

Octomore · 25/02/2022 11:20

@456notsure

I meant posting for each other’s birthdays which I quite like - sorry if it sounds a bit sad
Presumably your partner will still wish you happy birthday / happy anniversary etc. in person? A devoted partner talking to you personally in real life is 1000 times more meaningful than a public post full of clichés.

If it's any consolation, I MASSIVELY eye roll when I see people posting messages to their partner/spouse on social media. It smacks of insecurity and attention seeking.