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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DP deleting social media

92 replies

456notsure · 25/02/2022 10:57

DP decided that he wants to deactivate all his social media today. His reasoning was that he wastes an awful lot of time scrolling and wants to use his free time better, he “just doesn’t want to be on it anymore”.

It seems quite sudden and it sounds silly but we’re at the age where us and our friends post quite a lot about holidays, each other’s birthdays etc. Is it bad that I feel sad that we won’t be able to do this? He says in person is more important.
I guess I worry too as he’s been very much all over social media before and when we met; we haven’t been together long - but now he suddenly wants completely off and I feel like it could be my fault somehow?

OP posts:

hangrylady · 25/02/2022 11:21

@456notsure

I meant posting for each other’s birthdays which I quite like - sorry if it sounds a bit sad

It does a bit. Anyone who cares about either of your birthdays will call or text you. Getting a like or happy birthday message from Dave who you were at primary school with with means nothing.

gamerchick · 25/02/2022 11:25

I know someone who counts her happy birthdays and throws a strop if it's not enough. I wince a bit when it's her birthday, she's never ever happy. It's a shame because she's massively loved.

YouDoYouHun · 25/02/2022 11:25

I understand why he is doing it too. I'm early 30s and recently got rid of everything so all I now have is this app and regular texting! Sometimes you just need that break to focus again. It can all get a bit too much sometimes. I'd be more worried if he was deleting all trace of you from an active account rather than deactivating an account for a break!

girlmom21 · 25/02/2022 11:27

He wants to make better use of his time and you're concerned at the lack of public displays of affection (that are generally incredibly OTT and sickly anyway)?

Maybe he's not as bothered about his fake social media life as you are.

LadyPropane · 25/02/2022 11:28

Sounds like nothing to me, but you shouldn't ignore your gut.

Is there anything else that worries you about him/ the relationship? That could explain why this concerns you.

SpiderVersed · 25/02/2022 11:31

He sounds very sensible - I wish I had his resolve.

You sound insecure - why would SM posts from him to you be needed to validate your relationship? In person interactions are what matter.

Cakelover17 · 25/02/2022 11:36

You can still post for his birthday, and even show him, so really you’d sad he won’t be gushing over you on your birthday. If he wants to come off social media it’s no bad thing, and has no effect on your life really, YABU

Octomore · 25/02/2022 11:43

You can still post for his birthday, and even show him

For whose benefit would this be?

I would be pretty pissed off if my partner was more interested in being seen to wish me happy birthday online, than in just, you know, saying it to my face.

Cakelover17 · 25/02/2022 11:46

@Octomore for the OPs benefit obviously, she’s the one bothered about it saying ‘we can’t do it’ when she can. I think it’s a load of crap too, but it’s not her partner posting here is it.

Darbs76 · 25/02/2022 11:48

Why do you have to publicly wish him happy birthday?

Traumdeuter · 25/02/2022 11:48

I would be pretty pissed off if my partner was more interested in being seen to wish me happy birthday online, than in just, you know, saying it to my face.

I think they’ll probably do both, @Octomore.

I have a friend who is an influencer, married to another influencer, and the ostentatious posts about how in love they are can be easily muted. They’re as gushy over each other in reality!

heyitsthistle · 25/02/2022 11:48

My DH doesn't have social media anymore either (he's even gone as far as deleting his LinkedIn profile!). It hasn't really affected what I post, but I do wish he was there sometimes so I could tag him in posts, and vice versa.

Nickwinkle · 25/02/2022 11:51

Why would this bother you? Social media can be a horrible place that contributes massively towards bad mental health.

Good on him for putting him and his mental health first.

Weird that you only want him to have it to validate your existence through public affectionate displays... little narcissistic...

Me and my partner are 29/32. Neither of us have social media (haven't for years) and it's brilliant. Certainly nothing to be wary of and it's most definitely not to create a different social media account somewhere else so we can cheat - what the fuck kind of suggestion is that!?

EmmaH2022 · 25/02/2022 11:52

@heyitsthistle

I deleted LinkedIn too.

If I had more RL support, I could delete more.

bakedbeanz1 · 25/02/2022 11:53

My closest friend and I stopped being friends on social media a few months ago and its really helped our friendship. We were both getting a bit tangled up in misinterpreting things/feeling left out over nothing and we're much happier now we just communicate by text and phone call. If I want her to see something I'll send her it directly instead of tagging her in a post.

Bancha · 25/02/2022 11:56

I got rid of all my social media (not that I had much, actually) around five years ago. And it’s actually really liberating, I don’t miss it at all. Part of me did feel a bit sad at the thought that other people wouldn’t see certain things, or that I’d miss stuff. But actually, no one thinks my DH loves me any less because he can’t publicly make a fuss of me on FB. I think most people see that as a bit cringe, actually. And people make an effort to message me - I see their holiday photos because they send them to me, which I love!

I realise that it’s not you deleting SM, but I do think that once the possibility of him wishing you happy birthday on social media has gone, you might find you haven’t actually lost anything at all. I think it’s much less of a big deal than you’re expecting it to be.

WonderfulYou · 25/02/2022 12:00

YABVU
He wants to better himself - surely that’s a good thing.

I deleted my SM and I’ve never felt better as it can be quite addictive and waste lots of time.

If someone had an issue with me spending less time on SM/my phone I’d see it as a red flag and would think twice about continuing the relationship.

WonderfulYou · 25/02/2022 12:03

I would be pretty pissed off if my partner was more interested in being seen to wish me happy birthday online, than in just, you know, saying it to my face.

I agree.

What’s worse is that most of those couple who are so loved up on SM are the ones who’s relationships are crumbling.

Your real friends will make the effort to text you at the very least.

Womencanlift · 25/02/2022 12:05

@456notsure

I meant posting for each other’s birthdays which I quite like - sorry if it sounds a bit sad

Are you one of these people who thinks if it doesn’t happen on social media then it doesn’t happen?

Plenty of other, more personal ways of wishing someone a happy birthday.

But of course a birthday card or even a text won’t be seen on the gram will it

ILoveAllRainbowsx · 25/02/2022 12:07

@Georgeskitchen

He's probably sick of the constant stream of know it all, judgemental, opinionated, agree with me or you will get death threats, covis is a hoax etc utter verbal diarrhoea which is dished up by the minute on social media. I don't blame him 🤣

This.

SugarAndCoffee · 25/02/2022 12:09

More and more people are giving up on it. I think it's a good thing.

Cocomarine · 25/02/2022 12:11

Can you explain more why you think it might be your fault? That’s a very odd reaction - and I suspect there’s a whole can of worms behind it.

WonderfulYou · 25/02/2022 12:12

Maybe instead of worrying about what he’s doing you should focus on yourself.

What are the reasons you enjoy it so much?
Why is it so important to post about each other’s birthdays?

Him texting you is private.
Him posting on Facebook is public to your friends and family.
So why is it important to have it public?
Do you think you need to prove a point for any reason?

marqueses · 25/02/2022 12:13

Is this an example of tell someone you're an old fogey without telling them you're an old fogey? You concern is that your partner can't post happy birthday to you on facebook

Surely I can't be the only person thinking this is madness. Are you 14? I'm literally shaking my head

Zazdar · 25/02/2022 12:13

My husband did this when he bought a new phone. He just didn't install the apps.

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