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AIBU?

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Original poster

DP deleting social media

92 replies

456notsure · 25/02/2022 10:57

DP decided that he wants to deactivate all his social media today. His reasoning was that he wastes an awful lot of time scrolling and wants to use his free time better, he “just doesn’t want to be on it anymore”.

It seems quite sudden and it sounds silly but we’re at the age where us and our friends post quite a lot about holidays, each other’s birthdays etc. Is it bad that I feel sad that we won’t be able to do this? He says in person is more important.
I guess I worry too as he’s been very much all over social media before and when we met; we haven’t been together long - but now he suddenly wants completely off and I feel like it could be my fault somehow?

OP posts:
ChaoticWoman · 25/02/2022 13:32

I actually really really love the fact that people post their holiday photos on social media because I have so many memories as a child of sitting in a circle with a pack of actual photos being opened by the holiday person, with an explanation of where and why each photo is taken and it would be passed round the circle and I'd get told off by my Mum for being rude if I didn't look at each photo long enough before passing it to the next person.

I can love the person so much but I used to feel so anxious when someone visited after a holiday because everyone seemed to carry their photos about with them to show everyone and I struggled with not knowing how to pretend to be interested in a photo of my uncle wearing budgie smugglers on a rock in Skegness or something, or my neighbour outside Disney Land with a Mickey Mouse toy. At least with Facebook I can skim and like in less than a minute instead of a whole evening playing pass the photo.

SartresSoul · 25/02/2022 13:33

I deleted mine about 18 months ago and I feel much better for it. DH still has a Facebook page but he hasn’t posted on it for about four years.

Not really sure what your issue is? I think it’s a good thing.

BearOfEasttown · 25/02/2022 13:36

My DH deactivated facebook around May 2020. He had been off sick during late Feb/early March, and then was due to go back to work late March but went back for 3 days, and then got put straight onto furlough til July 2020.

He was really sore and wounded that none of his workmates contacted him at ALL - on facebook - to see how he was, during his time off sick, AND the lockdown. He had 40 'friends' on there, and 20 of them were workmates or ex workmates, and none of them contacted him at all.

They're nearly all female work colleagues, (as 95% of the people at his workplace is female,) and frankly, they're very likely too busy/frazzled with looking after children, going to work, looking after house and home, dealing with household admin, looking after elderly parents etc, to be arsed with asking some random male colleague - on facebook - how they are!...

If it were me, like fuck would I be firing messages on facebook, to some random male colleague who was off sick or on furlough. Confused Only the boss/his manager should be asking about his health and welfare. Not his bloody female colleagues.

So he deactivated facbook as he was pissed off that 'no-one could be arsed with him' on there. (His words.) It didn't help that I was getting lots of contact and lots of 'likes' from people. I have 65 friends on there, and regularly get 20 to 35 likes on pics. And he seemed a little bit jealous. Weird! Confused

He was extra pissed off when even a couple of months after he had deactivated his facebook, no-one had noticed! Shock I just don't think most women are that arsed about communicating with men online, and other men aren't either.

So @456notsure it doesn't surprise me that your DP has deactivated his facebook. Doesn't bother me a jot that my DH deactivated his. I can still celebrate birthdays and anniversaries and 'throwbackthursday,' etc, and put pics of our holidays and day trips and various events, and our family, and places we have been, without HIM having a facebook.

We know pretty much the same people, so most people in our lives generally see everything he does, coz it's usually with me, and as I said, we pretty much know the same people.

grapewine · 25/02/2022 13:38

He wants to spend less time scrolling online, and contact people personally rather than in the public forum of social media. What on earth could be wrong with that?

Exactly.

I'm deleting all mine this week. It is a depressing time suck.

jytdtysrht · 25/02/2022 13:39

I don’t have social media and despise it. However I’d be wondering what he had to hide if he suddenly wanted rid of it all.

PossiblyDreaming · 25/02/2022 13:40

I think it’s really sad that you’re upset that you can’t wish your boyfriend happy birthday and have all his friends and family see it. It’s incredibly controlling and I would either delete my SM or end my relationship if a new partner kept marking their territory in this way.

catscatscatseverywhere · 25/02/2022 13:40

@jytdtysrht

I don’t have social media and despise it. However I’d be wondering what he had to hide if he suddenly wanted rid of it all.
Perhaps nothing? I did it and have nothing to hide.
FabulouslyFab · 25/02/2022 13:44

I’ve deleted my Facebook, Instagram and twitter today. They’re mainly used for family and crafting but still there were videos popping up of what is happening in Ukraine and I have spent most of the morning in tears. So they have gone and I can retreat to my bubble again.

Applesarenice · 25/02/2022 13:45

YABU

Electriq · 25/02/2022 13:48

I got rid of social media for the same reason, so to me YABU

SaintPancreas · 25/02/2022 15:08

I don't see anything wrong with leaving social media. Probably more people should do it. It's not always a good use of time, it can be bad for mental health, and it's addictive for some people.

So maybe it's a healthy decision.

Caveat: my ex-h did this a few months before we split, said it was a digital detox, but pretty sure he opened other SM accounts as a 'single' man, without the annoyance of wife, kids and my friends seeing the lie. Hopefully not the case here.

MuthaHubbard · 25/02/2022 15:14

We both have sm but never tag/post about each others birthdays - as we, you know, speak to each other, spend time together etc etc. I hate it when people tag their significant other in something and comment back and forth online - whilst sitting next to each other on the sofa Hmm

Pedalpushers · 25/02/2022 15:21

I think if you're upset that you're partner isn't wishing you a happy birthday on Facebook, you're too invested in social media and could do with a break yourself.

FlasherMcGruff · 25/02/2022 15:42

Some people have a different mindset: ‘Circle small. Life private. Mind at peace.’

I’m with your partner.

ItsCanardBruv · 25/02/2022 16:56

I’ve left SM. No underhand reason, just it’s a total time-suck and I stay in touch with the people who matter.

Also, as I age - it’s turning into a fucking mausoleum.

gannett · 25/02/2022 17:13

Your DP is right. It's a time-suck and increasingly toxic. I grew up online, have met people and forged friendships on the internet, but it's just got worse and worse. I know plenty of people who've deactivated all social media and every single one says they feel liberated. There are too many aspects I find genuinely useful to deactivate completely (long-distance friends, professional stuff) but I've massively stepped back from most social media and I think those people who can delete it completely have got it right.

Needing to wish your partner a happy birthday on FB and being upset that you can't do it is incredibly sad, sorry.

PlanetNormal · 25/02/2022 17:19

Good for him. He sounds like a sensible chap. I’m not on social media either, and it suits me fine to miss out on all the nonsense.

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