Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so angry?

92 replies

Anothermumm · 24/02/2022 14:42

Hi MNers,
My DM looked after my DD who is 6mo last night overnight for the first time (she has had her for a few hours before but never overnight). We were in the house but we got back late so she got up with DD for us. We have been sleep training DD recently as she is such a bad sleeper (Please no hate, we have been using a gentle method that works for us and never leave her to cry). My DM told me this morning my DD woke early this morning so she brought her into bed with her. She didn't even try to get her back down in her cot as she said her bedroom was cold. AIBU to be angry about this? I'm annoyed because even I don't have my DD in bed with me anymore since starting sleep training as she was becoming reliant on it (nothing wrong with this if it works for you but it wasn't working for us) and DD is rolling all over the place now, I really don't think it was safe as she just put her on the edge of a single bed with her arm over her to "keep her from rolling off". I've told her I'm not too impressed and she acted all hurt and said she thought she was doing what's best so now I feel guilty like I shouldn't be bothered.

OP posts:
Cheeseandlobster · 24/02/2022 14:47

You should have got up with your dd of this is what you insist on. Your mil was getting up as a favour so it was her call

ApolloandDaphne · 24/02/2022 14:50

She was looking after your DD as a favour for you so you could get a sleep and you berate her for this? No wonder she is hurt. If you are following a sleep schedule then you need to manage it yourself. Your DM hasn't done anything wrong at all. She was trying to help.

AnneLovesGilbert · 24/02/2022 14:53

Well she’s not likely to help you again… She was doing what she thought was best for her grandchild. Shoot her.

Moonface123 · 24/02/2022 14:53

You are really ungrateful, my mum flatly refused to assist me in any way, mine are 16 and 20 now, she has never so much lifted a finger to help.

ExactlyThis · 24/02/2022 14:55

Sorry, yabu. If she’s looking after your dc, it’s her rules

Balanced12 · 24/02/2022 14:55

Angry ? Sorry OP in mumsnet terms, get a grip

DinaofCloud9 · 24/02/2022 14:57

Aah your poor mum. She was doing you a favour.

Giveronyoursausage · 24/02/2022 15:00

Honestly op people like you really give me the hump if you don't like the way your dm or anybody else looks after your child do it your damn self.

TheSmallAssassin · 24/02/2022 15:00

Your mum was doing you a favour, your daughter didn't come to harm.

Hugasauras · 24/02/2022 15:00

I think if you've got someone willing to get up in the night with your 6mo baby then you either accept they will use their judgement about what is best or you don't let it happen at all. I imagine she'll think twice before offering again!

Campervangirl · 24/02/2022 15:01

Your dm is not acting all hurt, she is hurt, she's babysat for you, got up when the baby woke up, probably to not disturb you and for her trouble you're annoyed with her.
Pfb eh?

Thesearmsofmine · 24/02/2022 15:01

YABU. I’m guessing your DD was comforted and went back to sleep, what more could you ask for?

IamnotSethRogan · 24/02/2022 15:02

Yabu

Susu49 · 24/02/2022 15:03

I agree YABU although I don't suppose sleep deprivation has helped your reaction.

It's hard to let others in when you've established a routine, especially one for a reason, but your mum was being really helpful and by the sounds of it kept your dd safe.

SarahAndQuack · 24/02/2022 15:04

It sounds like a miscommunication to me. Did your mum understand/know about all the ins and outs of your sleep training routine? TBH I don't think it would occur to me that if you were trying an approach where you didn't have your DD in bed with you, that would also mean your mum couldn't do it as a one-off (especially since babies tend to respond differently for parents than they do for others).

The rolling around doesn't sound like a huge issue to me; my DP would have found it terrifying. So, again, do you think maybe your mum just has a different sense of what's a worry than you do?

VickyEadieofThigh · 24/02/2022 15:04

YABU.

BlackberrySky · 24/02/2022 15:05

If you want family help, you can't be so rigidly prescriptive about how they give it (as long as it's not unsafe). If you want it done your way to the letter then you really need to do it yourself.

LauraLoo91 · 24/02/2022 15:06

I bet she's regretting not telling you to just get your lazy ass out of bed this morning and look after your crying child yourself.

Imagine doing your daughter a favour, and comforting your grandchild and having it thrown back in your face like that. Your poor mum. "Acted hurt", anyone who says this massively lacks any sort of empathy for others. She didn't act hurt, she was hurt. Because you hurt her with the way you treated her.

NutCheeseBag · 24/02/2022 15:06

PFB. YABU.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 24/02/2022 15:07

You were extremely unreasonable.

AprilShowers82 · 24/02/2022 15:07

YABU. Staying out is a different routine anyway so it’s unlikely to affect her at home. Your mum was doing you a massive favour and you need to get a grip.

Bettybbbb · 24/02/2022 15:07

Wow. YABU.

Sexnotgender · 24/02/2022 15:08

I’m afraid you’re being unreasonable.

EmpressCixi · 24/02/2022 15:09

YABU
For both thinking you can sleep train a baby and being angry with your DM for getting up in the night to comfort YOUR DD and to successfully do this and get YOUR DD safely back to sleep while you slept through it.

hangrylady · 24/02/2022 15:09

Bloody hell OP. Yes YABU. If you are that precious then don't go out until your baby is older.