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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so angry?

92 replies

Anothermumm · 24/02/2022 14:42

Hi MNers,
My DM looked after my DD who is 6mo last night overnight for the first time (she has had her for a few hours before but never overnight). We were in the house but we got back late so she got up with DD for us. We have been sleep training DD recently as she is such a bad sleeper (Please no hate, we have been using a gentle method that works for us and never leave her to cry). My DM told me this morning my DD woke early this morning so she brought her into bed with her. She didn't even try to get her back down in her cot as she said her bedroom was cold. AIBU to be angry about this? I'm annoyed because even I don't have my DD in bed with me anymore since starting sleep training as she was becoming reliant on it (nothing wrong with this if it works for you but it wasn't working for us) and DD is rolling all over the place now, I really don't think it was safe as she just put her on the edge of a single bed with her arm over her to "keep her from rolling off". I've told her I'm not too impressed and she acted all hurt and said she thought she was doing what's best so now I feel guilty like I shouldn't be bothered.

OP posts:
Wulfenite · 24/02/2022 15:54

It is tough with a 6mo and you were probably feeling really stressed about leaving her and the work you'd done being wasted, and I think you're not quite seeing this in perspective. Honestly OP the one night won't derail your progress with DD and sleep, and while it might be ideal if your routine was followed to the letter, the important thing is that your mum got your dd some sleep and you got a break. It was your mum not you so probably won't lead DD to expect to be brought in with you in future.

I do think YABU and you need to accept that someone looking after your DD will do what they think best at the time - sure there's some lines you don't want crossing but no harm was done here. But you're not "an utter disgrace" and nor do you need to "hang your head in shame" ffs. Hmm

Satingreenshutters · 24/02/2022 15:56

I agreed that she was UR as her Mum was trying to help but your reply was totally over the top to the point I actually thought you were being sarcastic at first

Ya reckon? Well I thought her attitude to her poor Mum was totally over the top so I felt exactly the same reading her post as you did reading my post.

So snap! :)

TheUsualShitshow · 24/02/2022 15:56

You're beyond unreasonable!

I bet they both absolutely loved an early morning snuggle. This is probably one of those things you'll look back on and think 'the lack of sleep made me a bit crazy'.

JoeMaplin · 24/02/2022 15:59

YABU, she was doing you a huge favour!

1forAll74 · 24/02/2022 16:01

The same comments from me. Your Mum was doing you a favour, and has a slightly different way of doing things, and this won't be undoing any of your sleep training efforts, just for one night of your child being away from you, dont be silly!

SoftPillow · 24/02/2022 16:22

When other people look after your kids as a favour, they do things differently and that's ok.

As long as child and babysitter are both happy at the end, that's a positive outcome. You can't whinge and complain that it didn't meet your standards.

YABVU to be anywhere near angry about this.

twilightcustard · 24/02/2022 16:25

you ungrateful person, I hope she has learned not to do you any favours again.

FlowerArranger · 24/02/2022 16:32

Can I just say to everyone that I didn't have a go at my DM I literally just said " oh we'd rather her not co-sleep Mum, like I said we are avoiding that as the moment". She said you seem annoyed and I said I am a little bit then she said about feeling she'd done something wrong so I said it's a one off so don't worry. I'm not quite as harsh as some people seem to have the impression I am.

You may THINK you weren't being harsh, @Anothermumm, but in her shoes I'd definitely have felt that I was being given a telling-off!!

And I'd also reconsider the extent of my willingness to help out in future...

NETSRIK · 24/02/2022 16:35

YABU - your mum was doing you a favour. Stop being so precious.

viques · 24/02/2022 16:55

@FlowerArranger

Can I just say to everyone that I didn't have a go at my DM I literally just said " oh we'd rather her not co-sleep Mum, like I said we are avoiding that as the moment". She said you seem annoyed and I said I am a little bit then she said about feeling she'd done something wrong so I said it's a one off so don't worry. I'm not quite as harsh as some people seem to have the impression I am.

You may THINK you weren't being harsh, @Anothermumm, but in her shoes I'd definitely have felt that I was being given a telling-off!!

And I'd also reconsider the extent of my willingness to help out in future...

I agree, if the conversation is as you reported it is very passive aggressive dressed up in gentle parenting woke speech.
AnneLovesGilbert · 24/02/2022 17:25

Cosleeping/meeting a young baby’s need for comfort and closeness is far more gentle parenting than sleep training.

BurntO · 24/02/2022 17:44

I accept that if someone is babysitting they aren’t going to do things exactly how I would. Especially as being away from parents through the night is different from routine anyway. As long as I trust they are responsible and safe then they can do it their own way. I wouldn’t have an issue with this and your mum was just trying to help

Associatepeggy · 24/02/2022 17:47

Can I just say to everyone that I didn't have a go at my DM I literally just said " oh we'd rather her not co-sleep Mum, like I said we are avoiding that as the moment". She said you seem annoyed and I said I am a little bit then she said about feeling she'd done something wrong so I said it's a one off so don't worry. I'm not quite as harsh as some people seem to have the impression I am.

The title of your thread is that you are 'so angry'. You also said about her knowing you weren't impressed.

I donnt believe someone who is 'so angry' and also communicating they are not impressed with their free child care, isn't going to be communicating in the calm way you, say you did in this post.

Heronwatcher · 24/02/2022 18:01

She was doing what she thought was best and trying to help you, unless there is a huge backstory here you need to have a think about how you react in this sort of situation. It’s fine to inwardly be a bit irked but not always fine to voice it, unless you don’t ever want any more help!

tapastastic · 24/02/2022 18:35

It was a one off, judgement call by baby Nan, she hasn't had her for a week and completely screwed your routine

SpiderVersed · 24/02/2022 18:43

@Anothermumm, your thread title is AIBU to be so angry.

And you said in your OP that your mother acted all hurt (because - spoiler - she was hurt)

Now you're not quite as harsh as some people seem to have the impression I am

Your own description has you very angry and your mum hurt. Can you blame people for taking your words at face value?

Being overtired to your very bones is horrible and I feel for you in that regard. However, you clearly upset your mum who'd done nothing but be kind and considerate.

LIZS · 24/02/2022 18:59

One off occasion will not affect your training. Be happy you got a lie in. If you want it done your way you should have got up earlier.

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