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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so angry?

92 replies

Anothermumm · 24/02/2022 14:42

Hi MNers,
My DM looked after my DD who is 6mo last night overnight for the first time (she has had her for a few hours before but never overnight). We were in the house but we got back late so she got up with DD for us. We have been sleep training DD recently as she is such a bad sleeper (Please no hate, we have been using a gentle method that works for us and never leave her to cry). My DM told me this morning my DD woke early this morning so she brought her into bed with her. She didn't even try to get her back down in her cot as she said her bedroom was cold. AIBU to be angry about this? I'm annoyed because even I don't have my DD in bed with me anymore since starting sleep training as she was becoming reliant on it (nothing wrong with this if it works for you but it wasn't working for us) and DD is rolling all over the place now, I really don't think it was safe as she just put her on the edge of a single bed with her arm over her to "keep her from rolling off". I've told her I'm not too impressed and she acted all hurt and said she thought she was doing what's best so now I feel guilty like I shouldn't be bothered.

OP posts:
Satingreenshutters · 24/02/2022 15:32

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Undisclosedlocation · 24/02/2022 15:32

Your mum did a nice thing in offering and made her best judgement in the moment whilst ‘on duty’ with your DD. And all she got for her trouble was an earful.

So yes Op, yabu. Teaching your DD to sleep is your job, your mums role was to keep her safe and let you have a night off.
It really won’t make a material difference to have the occasional one night blip in your preferred schedule either imo, so try to relax a bit or you may find babysitters mysteriously become much harder to recruit

roarfeckingroarr · 24/02/2022 15:33

Your poor mother.

Your baby is six months old - tiny. She's done you a huge favour and you're putting your ridiculous "training" issues into her:

Fcuk38 · 24/02/2022 15:33

Get up and look after your own kid then.
No reason that you shouldn’t have been up with her. You cd t expect her to be faffing with your gently sleep training for the sake if one morning.
Just view it as some nice granny and grandchild bonding time.

PlopperDoo · 24/02/2022 15:34

@Satingreenshutters

Hang your head in shame. You are an utter disgrace. You were in the same house, your Mother looked after your daughter while you went out AND got up with her this morning and did what she thought was best to make sure EVERYBODY got sleep and you berate her for it?

You wanted her to stand in a cold room and try get your child back to sleep while you snored your selfish ass off in another room?

Your poor poor Mother. I am horrified you would treat her like that after her taking your child overnight. Give your head a BIG shake and go buy her flowers.

Jesus Christ how dramatic!
Original poster
Anothermumm · 24/02/2022 15:34

@JamSandwich89 thanks for your response I feel like you tried to see my point of view however unreasonable I am 😂

DM is very aware of our sleep journey and I asked her to try to keep to the schedule and plan as much as she can. She said she brought her into bed as she fancied a cuddle and she was cold (bedroom was 19 degrees so not freezing don't worry I wasn't expecting my child to be left to freeze) which I understand but it just would have been better for DDs sleep to have a go at putting her in the cot as that is what she is used to when she wakes early then she could have had cuddles at wake up time.

Can I just say to everyone that I didn't have a go at my DM I literally just said " oh we'd rather her not co-sleep Mum, like I said we are avoiding that as the moment". She said you seem annoyed and I said I am a little bit then she said about feeling she'd done something wrong so I said it's a one off so don't worry. I'm not quite as harsh as some people seem to have the impression I am.

OP posts:
Chikapu · 24/02/2022 15:36

our sleep journey

Really? For that alone, you are being very unreasonable.

viques · 24/02/2022 15:37

@Anothermumm

Okay thanks for your input everyone. I will apologise to DM as maybe I was BU. I was obviously being a bit OTT as I've been a bit fraught having no sleep and stressing DD would go backwards after last night!

Thank you to the people who put their point across a bit more nicely than others! It might be worth remembering you don't always know what people are going through and putting your point across in a bit of a nicer way might go a long way to someone feeling supported even if you don't agree with them. Not everyone can agree but everyone can be kind at least surely.

“Not everyone can agree but everyone can be kind”

Like you were to your mum?

LondonWolf · 24/02/2022 15:38

She sounds lovely and responsive to her grandchild. You sound uptight and ungrateful.

PinkSyCo · 24/02/2022 15:39

Your poor mum. Confused

LondonWolf · 24/02/2022 15:40

Sorry, cross post.

One thing I will say, from reading your posts, you sound really stressed. I have teenagers now. I look back with real regret at how uptight I was and how much I worried about small things that I now realise didn't matter at all. I wish I had been more relaxed and enjoyed it more.

roarfeckingroarr · 24/02/2022 15:41

@Chikapu

our sleep journey

Really? For that alone, you are being very unreasonable.

🤢 100%
Nocutenamesleft · 24/02/2022 15:42

If you’re sleep training her. Surely you either explain it in explicit terms to your MIL? Or you do it yourself?

Neither seems to of happened.

I remember how shattered I was. But come on. Wouldn’t of bothered me. My MiL never gets my kids down before about 11pm. Even when they were 2. They were so tired. But she tried her best. I was so grateful.

Undisclosedlocation · 24/02/2022 15:42

You sound quite stung and hurt by the criticisms of you here OP. Like you were expecting a better response?

I would imagine that this is exactly what your mother felt when you criticised her this morning, when she was simply trying to help

Satingreenshutters · 24/02/2022 15:43

Jesus Christ how dramatic!

She acted like a bellend. The drama is all hers.

KaptainKaveman · 24/02/2022 15:45

@LondonWolf

She sounds lovely and responsive to her grandchild. You sound uptight and ungrateful.
Yep, this. Consider yourself very lucky that you have a DM who helps out, babysits etc, OP. Many people do not.
Satingreenshutters · 24/02/2022 15:45

[quote Anothermumm]@JamSandwich89 thanks for your response I feel like you tried to see my point of view however unreasonable I am 😂

DM is very aware of our sleep journey and I asked her to try to keep to the schedule and plan as much as she can. She said she brought her into bed as she fancied a cuddle and she was cold (bedroom was 19 degrees so not freezing don't worry I wasn't expecting my child to be left to freeze) which I understand but it just would have been better for DDs sleep to have a go at putting her in the cot as that is what she is used to when she wakes early then she could have had cuddles at wake up time.

Can I just say to everyone that I didn't have a go at my DM I literally just said " oh we'd rather her not co-sleep Mum, like I said we are avoiding that as the moment". She said you seem annoyed and I said I am a little bit then she said about feeling she'd done something wrong so I said it's a one off so don't worry. I'm not quite as harsh as some people seem to have the impression I am.[/quote]
so I said it's a one off so don't worry

Hope it is a one off and she tells you and "our sleep journey" to do one next time you want to go out and not get up in the morning with your child.

NursieBernard · 24/02/2022 15:47

YABU. Your poor mum.

billy1966 · 24/02/2022 15:49

OP,

You are obviously exhausted and terrified of going backwards.

Are you sharing the lack of sleep with the baby's father?

Apologising to your mum and explain your unreasonableness comes from tiredness.

Hope things improve soon.

Lack of sleep is deranging.
Flowers

hesbeen2021 · 24/02/2022 15:50

When I would offer to have my DGS overnight to give DD a break and solid sleep she would almost bite my hand off in gratitude.
There is no way she would have criticised any aspect of how I looked after him during that time.
Saying that she was a single parent, very relaxed, and took everything in her stride. And yes I did what worked for me in my house which usually but not always was how it was done at his home.
You sound a little precious and very uptight and I think you owe your mother a huge apology.

PlopperDoo · 24/02/2022 15:50

@Satingreenshutters

Jesus Christ how dramatic!

She acted like a bellend. The drama is all hers.

She didn't drown kittens for goodness sake.

I agreed that she was UR as her Mum was trying to help but your reply was totally over the top to the point I actually thought you were being sarcastic at first.

Crossfitwidow · 24/02/2022 15:50

I’ll assume this is your first child so I’ll just wish you all the very best on your “sleep journey”.

Lol

TheHatInTheCat · 24/02/2022 15:53

Having a baby in bed if not correctly co-sleeping is incredibly dangerous. She could have smothered your baby. Then would everyone say you are the unreasonable one.
I think you have every right to be upset.

Theluggage15 · 24/02/2022 15:54

You’ve gone from ‘should I be angry about this’ and ‘I told her I wasn’t impressed’ to ‘I didn’t have a go’. If your mum is offering to help you should be grateful not blah on about your sleep journey whatever that is.

stimpyyouidiot · 24/02/2022 15:54

Yabu op. Yabu.

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