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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think school have over reacted

284 replies

worriedmum2022 · 24/02/2022 09:24

So my girls are 7 and 9 and they were playing at home and got a bit rough, my husband separated them and one of them had hold of a game in a plastic box.

The girls were fighting over who had the box husband intervened the side of the box had split and youngest 7 year old daughter got a cut on her hand. Cleaned up, girls spoken too all sorted job done

Yesterday the headteacher of dd7 rang my husband at work to say she asked dd why she had a plaster on her hand and she said daddy snatched a box off me and it cut me

She has reported this as a safeguarding concern

I mean I get they have a duty of care but this just seems a total over-reaction

No previous issues or incidents with the school but my husband is worried sick as he works where he has to have a DBS and he's worried this will be on his record

Can anyone offer any advice on this type of thing?

OP posts:
RealRaymondReddington · 24/02/2022 09:29

It doesn't mean there will be any follow up, they've just made a note and checked it out. My dd bumped her head and had a huge bruise which we took her to get checked at minor injuries, nursery had to ask some questions about it, which we understood. I do know what you mean and it doesn't feel lovely to be asked like that, equally I'd rather they check things out as it doesn't hurt us to answer a few questions, but could protect a child in a different situation.

Smartiepants79 · 24/02/2022 09:31

Reported to who?
What exactly did your DD tell them?
On the face of it, yes, it does seem an odd thing to report. Especially if there are no previous concerns. A proper chat with a sensible 7 year should have been able to clear up what had actually happened?

BuanoKubiamVej · 24/02/2022 09:31

Don't panic. It's really important that schools don't minimise minor accidents like this. Obviously minor accidents happen sometimes and a single incident isn't going to cause you DH any problems for his DBS. It's correct that the school keeps a record of this but it will only go any further if there is a frequent pattern of injuries which then begins to point to deliberate rather than accidental causes.

Safeguarding works for the most vulnerable because these little incidents that don't actually indicate anything worrying all get recorded, with no exceptions.

wearewizardsofoz · 24/02/2022 09:34

If she's reported it to the designated safeguarding lead she shouldn't actually have reported that to you. Imagine if your daughter really was being abused at home and she rang to say she had reported it! If she decided to call she should have just asked how it happened and left it at that. Seems weird that she would tell you!

maddy68 · 24/02/2022 09:34

Staff have to report on ceops any injury that was worrying them. Doesn't mean anything will happen it's just that if there were lots of little injury's occuring when daddy snatched something would be a pattern

I

Confrontayshunme · 24/02/2022 09:35

What is a small incident in your house could indicate a pattern of abuse in another. They are just covering their bases.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 24/02/2022 09:38

It's not an overreaction at all. They don't know your home situation, how do they know you aren't lying? They've done the right thing, the safety of children is more important than hurt feelings of adults.

This happened to me before when DS was at nursery, I was very upset at the time but now looking back I understand why it was done. Nothing will come of it.

busyeatingbiscuits · 24/02/2022 09:38

They’ve probably just written it as a note to keep on their files rather than “reported” it anywhere but you can always ring and check.

As a general point though, if you’re sending your child in to school or nursery with an injury they got at home always inform the school about it.

busyeatingbiscuits · 24/02/2022 09:40

@maddy68

Staff have to report on ceops any injury that was worrying them. Doesn't mean anything will happen it's just that if there were lots of little injury's occuring when daddy snatched something would be a pattern

I

I’m not sure you mean ceops? That’s for dodgy websites.
NewcastleOrBust · 24/02/2022 09:51

They have to follow things up. It's part of their job. They wanted to know his side of the incident and it's completely normal. It will go on CPOMS and it will only be able to be seen by people who need to see it.

Personally I am glad to live somewhere where this happens. There are plenty of places where it doesn't.

Franticbutterfly · 24/02/2022 09:54

I got pulled into school when my daughter (in reception at the time) drew on her hand with a scented felt tip. That morning I said to them, "DD drew on her hand this morning and I only just noticed it, it's nothing to worry about".

Then when the teacher asked her about it she said "I burnt my hand on the oven"!...she had touched the oven door as I opened it weeks before and it had burnt her a bit but it wasn't serious, we held it under the tap, she was fine.

I was met a pick up time by the teacher and the head. They claimed that they tried to clean the pen off her hand but it wouldn't come off, and that they believed she had a burn!

When I got home I got some make up remover and cotton wool, photographed before and after and showed the red that had come off on the cotton wool and emailed it to them. My husband also spoke to them the next day and said how upset I was.

I just wanted to sympathise and say that you aren't alone in being accused of something like this. I'm sure it'll blow over and wish you all the best as it's so awful!

bewhoyouaresaywhatyoufeel · 24/02/2022 09:55

I think @maddy68 means cpoms @busyeatingbiscuits!

I had a call from the health visitor when my DC broke an arm at 2 years old playing superman by nose diving down the stairs with his arm out! Grandma had been left in charge that day he still won't let her forget it! Hes 12 now!

They just want to make sure everyone is safe to be honest I would rather have a call and say yes fine thanks than some other poor child get seven bells knocked out of them and no one notice I think its a reasonable price to pay tbh

NewcastleOrBust · 24/02/2022 09:56

It's got absolutely nothing to do with a DBS. That is for a conviction. He'd have to be convicted of a crime.

Safeguarding is sometimes like a jigsaw.

They don't have a coat.
They are hungry.
They don't know what pyjamas are or they don't own a toothbrush Etc.

If you don't record any of it, there are no pieces of the jigsaw.

Squirrelonwheels · 24/02/2022 09:57

It’s nothing to do with DBS - that is a check of police records and convictions, nothing else!

Liveforyourself · 24/02/2022 09:58

Ya seems like a massive overreaction to me . Did you get a chance to discuss this with dd about what her narrative was to the teacher or the head?

Hope your DD's hand is better. Usually when an accident happens at home or child sustains a fall somewhere else I always make it a point to let the teacher know in the morning or via the school office so that they are in the know.

Has anything happened in the past for the head to report it as a concern?

Teach234 · 24/02/2022 09:59

You said it yourself, they have a duty if care. What would happen if no incidents were followed up on? Safeguarding is everyones concern and it's not as clear as that child looks abused or neglected.

FairyCakeWings · 24/02/2022 10:00

School staff are told to report everything, just in case.

If your DH grabbed something from you daughter forcefully enough that it’s cut her, then that’s exactly the sort of thing that should be reported, and will likely be dismissed straight away upon investigation if it even gets to that.

toomuchlaundry · 24/02/2022 10:04

I am sure most of us would be amazed how much has been reported in respect of our DC on CPOMS or similar. It is important schools do this to establish whether there are any patterns to worry about. Obviously a serious incident would be reported further

Boiledbeetle · 24/02/2022 10:08

@worriedmum2022

As a kid in infants and juniors I often went to school with cuts bruises and burns, amongst other things.

Had just one teacher paid the slightest bit of attention then maybe my childhood would have turned out better.

Please just be grateful that the staff at your children's school have the welfare of your children at the front of their mind.

HoppingPavlova · 24/02/2022 10:19

The thing that bothers me is it all appears to be one sided.

I had one child who was 6yo and had a end of year dancing concert mid-week (venue availability and lower cost I would think). It ran over and ended after midnight, all kids had to participate in grand finale. It’s was a once-off once a year. We got home around 1am tossed them into bed and let them sleep in until the last second possible , quickly dressed and gave them some ready unhealthy breakfast bar in the car- no issue as one off. This meant they still had stage make up on and that stuff stays on! When my child came home that day their face was severely grazed and bloody. They said their teacher spent ages trying to scrub their face with (extremely cheap as shit and obviously sandpaper like) hand towel. No report, no child safeguarding there and not even an explanation to parents, they are above that!

Also had another child with selective mutism who was strangled and passed out, taken to sick bay etc. They obviously thought child would not communicate event to us so free pass for them but didn’t consider that other kids who saw would tell their parents who would contact us to make sure our child was okay - big news to us. Happens on school/teachers watch but no report, no safeguarding, again schools are above all that.

Should anything happen at home though, different matter, it’s all extremely one sided with them having no obligation to keep kids safe or indulge in reporting of their own shortcomingsHmm. I was a mandatory reporter myself so understand the issues and processes but we actually fulfilled duty of care to kids in our care. Christ I’m glad school years are well behind us.

Heytheredemons · 24/02/2022 10:26

It feels like an overreaction to you as you know what happened. However, how often do we see kids, beaten, abused and killed in the news and then there is uproar as schools etc never did anything about it.
Be thankful your school looks out for their pupils, and hopefully, their stance will ensure at least one kid is removed from an abusive homelife

lanthanum · 24/02/2022 10:26

Correct of the teacher to ask how she got the injury. (As a toddler group leader, it was recommended that we should always ask - even if we already knew - so that all parents knew that it was normal practice to do this and they weren't being picked on in any way.) Sensible to check the story was the same from dad. Isolated accident, simple explanation, no worries. Logged, just in case there starts to be a string of incidents.

TeenyQueen · 24/02/2022 10:30

As a teacher I'd say that writing a record of concern is pretty routine and most of the time won't lead to further action if the parents can provide a plausible explanation and there are no other concerns about the child or the family. As long as you're honest with the school everything should be fine.

MauveMavis · 24/02/2022 10:34

It's normal. Most people working with kids know that sometimes their versions of events don't always tally. I work in healthcare. I frequently hear children telling me how they got an injury. Usually with a parent in the background chipping in with some crucial factual information that has been overlooked.

It's good that the school is proactive because as other people says this may form part of a pattern (or as in your case it may just be an isolated incident).

Provided there are no genuine safeguarding concerns in your home it won't be an issue.

GlowBuzzers · 24/02/2022 10:38

Try not to worry. Kids do get minor injuries from time to time. It won't affect his dbs. The most you'd get is a phone call. It's the ones where kids are being purposely harmed in any way they need to worry about