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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think school have over reacted

284 replies

worriedmum2022 · 24/02/2022 09:24

So my girls are 7 and 9 and they were playing at home and got a bit rough, my husband separated them and one of them had hold of a game in a plastic box.

The girls were fighting over who had the box husband intervened the side of the box had split and youngest 7 year old daughter got a cut on her hand. Cleaned up, girls spoken too all sorted job done

Yesterday the headteacher of dd7 rang my husband at work to say she asked dd why she had a plaster on her hand and she said daddy snatched a box off me and it cut me

She has reported this as a safeguarding concern

I mean I get they have a duty of care but this just seems a total over-reaction

No previous issues or incidents with the school but my husband is worried sick as he works where he has to have a DBS and he's worried this will be on his record

Can anyone offer any advice on this type of thing?

OP posts:
Beefcurtains79 · 04/03/2022 07:13

Why were they asking your kid if you smoke? Is smoking now illegal or a sign you abuse your kids or something?
You poor thing, this is every decent parents worst nightmare.

freemantel · 04/03/2022 07:14

Op, if this happened to my family I would write down exactly what happened from your perspective, in a factual (not emotive) way, send it the the headteacher and ask them to put it on record.

liveforsummer · 04/03/2022 07:18

Wow, what weird and leading questions she asked. Is your dd usually good and relaying information accurately or could she be getting confused?

I write welfare concern forms all the time and normally they are just reported to the head teacher or family worker within school. I've had a hell of a lot worse than a cut hand from a snatched box that hasn't been taken any further. Normally with what your dd has said id chat to a parent (or someone senior to me would) without even writing a form. Are you sure they don't have other concerns? Your daughter exaggerated the incident with the box (if your account is fully accurate) could she be doing this with other things? I recently found out dd had been telling her friends that our dog uses her bedroom as a litter tray. She pee'd in there twice as a puppy and is now 2 years old. Hmm if id heard a child say that id have reported that one

liveforsummer · 04/03/2022 07:23

@Foolsrule

You shouldn’t have been told the school had contacted anyone. Sounds like the school know nothing about proper safeguarding to me.
Not true. If I write a welfare concern the parents are informed. When one was written for my own dd (because of her dad/my ex) I was informed.
FortunesFave · 04/03/2022 08:01

they absolutely should inform the parents that they have done so unless there are very immediate safety concerns

But that's very open to interpretation isn't it? "Immediate safety concerns" could be construed as "Well I saw an injury and decided the risk was real so chose not to inform the parents"

RosesAndHellebores · 04/03/2022 08:01

If everything is as the op said, I'd be speaking with a family solicitor today. I'd let them handle the SDAR and the formal complaint. I'd also be looking at other schools.

Once my family's name was cleared, I'd expect a full and unequivocal apology from the head teacher.

SlashBeef · 04/03/2022 08:01

Are you completely sure there's nothing else? Have the school raised any concerns any other time?

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 04/03/2022 08:02

@Foolsrule

You shouldn’t have been told the school had contacted anyone. Sounds like the school know nothing about proper safeguarding to me.
Is this a typo? Because if not, you are wrong
CloseYourEyesAndSee · 04/03/2022 08:03

@FortunesFave

they absolutely should inform the parents that they have done so unless there are very immediate safety concerns

But that's very open to interpretation isn't it? "Immediate safety concerns" could be construed as "Well I saw an injury and decided the risk was real so chose not to inform the parents"

When they call the MASH to make the referral they are asked if they have discussed with the parents. If the answer is no, the referral officer should ask them to go and do that. If the referrer isn't sure whether it's an immediate safety risk, a screening social worker will look at it and in conjunction with a manager, make that decision.
Brefugee · 04/03/2022 08:12

Given that social workers always say, after an at-risk child has been badly hurt or something, that they are so overstretched it's not surprising it happens, unless OP has left a whole load of other concerns out, this is overkill and i wonder that SS have the time.

PinkForgetMeNot · 04/03/2022 08:13

It does sound a bit of an overreaction but I'm sure they'll soon realise there's nothing to be concerned about and close the case, so to speak.

RosesAndHellebores · 04/03/2022 08:28

But people in authority do tell lies. When dd was 16 and presented at A&E having taken a very small overdose 48 hours before and wanted to check she was OK. However the hospital didn't call me for 4 hours I met the Dr first who told me a rough outline then said to see dd for my reassurance and he'd talk to me after. In the after call he told me that as I gave my permission in the first call, it had now been reported to SS and a CAMHS admission had been arranged and it was all in accordance with protocol. I had not given permission. The formal complaint evidenced that the referral was made at 4.15pm whilst I was not informed until 17.50pm. The Dr therefore gaslight me and lied.
Regrettably there are a lot if people in positions of authority who tell lies that potentially have huge impacts.

RosesAndHellebores · 04/03/2022 08:29

Sorry not calls with the Dr face to face interactions.

Kitkat151 · 04/03/2022 08:42

@wearewizardsofoz

If she's reported it to the designated safeguarding lead she shouldn't actually have reported that to you. Imagine if your daughter really was being abused at home and she rang to say she had reported it! If she decided to call she should have just asked how it happened and left it at that. Seems weird that she would tell you!
Yes she should have told parents.....you need inform parents when making a referral ( you don’t need consent)....the only time this isn’t the case, is if the child is thought to be at immediate risk of harm or it a case of fabricated and induced illness.
Change123today · 04/03/2022 08:43

I’m guessing something your daughter has said is triggering a concern. She may have said it innocently but has caused a safeguarding to be involved - & that’s ok - it means the school are keeping an eye out and trying to look after kids. Abuse sadly isn’t as obvious as a black eye so they just checking.
SS are trained and the chat with your daughter may go no further.

Those saying report and expect an apology - please think about what your saying. I would rather social services do these checks. If a fuss is caused a teacher or others may doubt themselves so not to cause a fuss in the future - how many times do we read even on mumsnet should I phone this in.

I do get it makes you worry and feel sick no doubt! You will not be the only parent that the school has contacted MASH about - that’s why MASH exists & schools will contact them with the small things and the big. As that small thing could be part of a big thing that the school aren’t fully aware of.

Kitkat151 · 04/03/2022 08:44

@Foolsrule

You shouldn’t have been told the school had contacted anyone. Sounds like the school know nothing about proper safeguarding to me.
Sounds like you know nothing about safeguarding policy. 🙄
steppemum · 04/03/2022 08:48

I am an ex teacher, I work with kids was a governor at the local school and I am now safeguarding lead in a couple of settings.

But I have no doubt that our primary school had quite a list for us.
ds used to have spectatcular accidents - nose dived off the perfectly safe and normal slide in our garden aged 7. Football injuries, chipped front tooth from swing at the park etc etc.
The only saving grace was that he had as many bumps and scrapes at school as at home, so they could see he was just very active kid.

dd1 fortunately was quite normal

Then dd2 - well when you mix her above normal package of scrapes and bumps with her over dramatic sense of delivery and the fact that every small thing is HUGE in her eyes, I dread to think what went on her record. But the worst was when she was about 5, and she and ds had been messing around at the top of the stairs, it had got bad tempered and he pushed her.
She fell down the stairs and thumped her head.
Yes, the whole incident was crap, I was probably cooking dinner or something, and it could potentially have been very serious, but it was, underneath, a sibling squabble that happened in a very bad place.
The egg on her head was spectacular. And she went in to school and told everyone that her awful brother had pushed her down the stairs on purpose. I had to explain rather red faced what had happened.
3 days later the egg on her head went down overnight, and instead it came out as two awful huge black eyes. Back into school, no it wasn't a new injury, the egg had obviously drained and pooled under the eyes.

To be honest, if that injury wasn't recorded, the school wasn't doing its job.

Kitkat151 · 04/03/2022 08:48

@RosesAndHellebores

If everything is as the op said, I'd be speaking with a family solicitor today. I'd let them handle the SDAR and the formal complaint. I'd also be looking at other schools.

Once my family's name was cleared, I'd expect a full and unequivocal apology from the head teacher.

WTAF🙄 do you know nothing about safeguarding policy?? If the threshold for a referral has been met ....then school have to make the referral.....are you even aware of the working together to safeguard children statutory guidance??
Theunamedcat · 04/03/2022 08:57

Surely the threshold isn't one scratch on the hand? Why is a social worker coming out for a hand scratch?

Doris86 · 04/03/2022 09:00

Whilst I understand that schools and nurseries have a duty to watch out for these things, I do get insulted by the accusational tone they take sometimes implying you’ve deliberately hurt your child.

It used to feel like the Spanish Inquisition every time my daughter went to nursery with a minor scrape or bruise, with them demanding full details of how it happened. The ‘I don’t know, it’s just kids being kids and playing rough’ answer didn’t go down well with them.

I got so fed up with it, I made a point of checking her for bumps and bruises every time she came out of nursery, and then demanding full details of how it happened. Funnily enough, they seemed to think it was perfectly fine for them to use the ‘I don’t know’ answer.

ForTheLoveOfSleep · 04/03/2022 09:02

@Person123456

Having just read your update OP, id probably be making a formal complaint, You sound like a great parent that's been caught in the system when you shouldn't be, this sounds almost like a witch hunt for domestic violence with a hint of authoritarianism, My brother worked in social and frankly they're arrogant they think they can spot this kind of thing a mile away but they cant and one thing i noticed is they're very judgemental, they will look at a case and see it in black and white, in your case the injury if we can call it that was an accident nothing more but they'll take what the school say as the word of god and disregard you and your husband, Most likely nothing will come from this but they'll probable keep it on record and as i said id start making formal complaints and get everything they tell you in writing and keep good records
The OP has posted on this thread twice. So how you can declare she is a "great parent" is beyond me. No school wants the unnecessary hassle of having SS involved. If the school have referred to an outside agency they have serious concerns and as such are responding to those concerns appropriately. If the overworked and underpaid staff at SS have deemed this as a case important enough to get a social worker out to interview the child that fast there are definitely serious concerns here.
Kitkat151 · 04/03/2022 09:04

@Theunamedcat

Surely the threshold isn't one scratch on the hand? Why is a social worker coming out for a hand scratch?
Well...we don’t know what the child told her teacher do we.....and that will have been the trigger for a referral I would say..,.OP doesn’t know for certain what her DD actually said.....Kids say all sorts of things.....a lot of these referrals go to no further action....but it’s not for school to make that decision....that’s the role of children’s services
Brefugee · 04/03/2022 09:04

If the overworked and underpaid staff at SS have deemed this as a case important enough to get a social worker out to interview the child that fast there are definitely serious concerns here.

that's why it would be interesting to hear from OP what else has happened that the school have asked about.

MissMaple82 · 04/03/2022 09:16

It won't effect a DBS in the slightest so why is he worrying.

MargaretThursday · 04/03/2022 09:17

@JustLyra Bless that teacher x

As a teacher/adult responsible for a child you should report everything because it may be part of a pattern.

I remember one time I had a little group and one of them had a little burn on her arm, so I asked how she got it. She replied "Mummy did it with an iron."
So I said "Oh dear, was she doing lots of ironing?"
She nodded and we moved on in conversation.

Now I actually wasn't really concerned this was abuse. I know the family well enough to say I could just see her mum ironing and the child running into mum as she turned or something. Never seen any other signs of injuries, and the child wasn't particularly upset etc.
But I still reported it to the safeguarding lead

When I reported it it was entirely because it was my duty to report anything like that, not because I thought anything was amiss. I also have enough confidence in the safeguarding lead to know that she would have dealt with it entirely properly.

I hope that if the mum knew I'd reported it, she would have known that I wasn't accusing her of anything at all.

But it would have been wrong of me to decide on my own that it was nothing to worry about.