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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think school have over reacted

284 replies

worriedmum2022 · 24/02/2022 09:24

So my girls are 7 and 9 and they were playing at home and got a bit rough, my husband separated them and one of them had hold of a game in a plastic box.

The girls were fighting over who had the box husband intervened the side of the box had split and youngest 7 year old daughter got a cut on her hand. Cleaned up, girls spoken too all sorted job done

Yesterday the headteacher of dd7 rang my husband at work to say she asked dd why she had a plaster on her hand and she said daddy snatched a box off me and it cut me

She has reported this as a safeguarding concern

I mean I get they have a duty of care but this just seems a total over-reaction

No previous issues or incidents with the school but my husband is worried sick as he works where he has to have a DBS and he's worried this will be on his record

Can anyone offer any advice on this type of thing?

OP posts:
Maddiemoosmum0203 · 04/03/2022 02:56

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

FortunesFave · 04/03/2022 03:49

The social worker should of contacted you first as they have to have your permission for a start

I'm pretty sure that's not true. Why would social workers seek the permission of potentially abusive parents to talk to kids in school? Things could escalate quickly if they did that.

It's not nice at all OP but the best course of action is to be absolutely helpful to them. Don't block them or be outraged or anything. Just listen and do what they say, it will probably be signed off and forgotten.

FortunesFave · 04/03/2022 03:52

OP I advise you to visit this website here frg.org.uk/ and read up on things there. They are a group which advocate for parents when it comes to social services intervention.

superram · 04/03/2022 04:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

superram · 04/03/2022 04:10

Wrong thread….. apologies. A mumsnet glitch, never happened before?

Person123456 · 04/03/2022 04:11

@superram

Wrong thread….. apologies. A mumsnet glitch, never happened before?
ive had this happen before too...strange
Person123456 · 04/03/2022 04:12

@superram

Wrong thread….. apologies. A mumsnet glitch, never happened before?
i think its to do with the browser pages not updating properly or something
1forAll74 · 04/03/2022 04:51

This was just a pretty normal home accident between squabbling children, I can't believe some teacher would be making a fuss, and phoning you to enquire about such a thing. it's quite nonsensical. Does the teacher teach anything, instead of phoning parents about minor issues.

autienotnaughty · 04/03/2022 05:43

If that's the only incident I'm surprised the didn't just ring you for a discussion about it. My daughter disclosed her dad (exh) had shook his younger dd we got a welfare phone call from ss and so did dad no follow up. I worked in ss for a few years. If they have any further concerns they msy arrange a visit or meeting at school to discuss it with you/get some background but unless there's other issues it won't go any further.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 04/03/2022 06:07

@wearewizardsofoz

If she's reported it to the designated safeguarding lead she shouldn't actually have reported that to you. Imagine if your daughter really was being abused at home and she rang to say she had reported it! If she decided to call she should have just asked how it happened and left it at that. Seems weird that she would tell you!
This isn't true at all. When schools report concerns to children's services they absolutely should inform the parents that they have done so unless there are very immediate safety concerns
CloseYourEyesAndSee · 04/03/2022 06:10

@prh47bridge

The school is right to record the incident. It won't affect your husband's DBS at all. The only thing wrong here is that the school told you what they have done. They should not have done so. It has left you unduly worried. Worse, if there was any genuine abuse, telling you that they were reporting the incident could have put your daughters at greater risk. Putting that aside, the school have not over-reacted.
Again, if schools are making reports to social services they are expected to inform the parents.
CloseYourEyesAndSee · 04/03/2022 06:13

@FortunesFave

The social worker should of contacted you first as they have to have your permission for a start

I'm pretty sure that's not true. Why would social workers seek the permission of potentially abusive parents to talk to kids in school? Things could escalate quickly if they did that.

It's not nice at all OP but the best course of action is to be absolutely helpful to them. Don't block them or be outraged or anything. Just listen and do what they say, it will probably be signed off and forgotten.

This is incorrect. Before visiting a child, a social worker absolutely must contact the parents and seek consent. The only time that would be overridden would be in the case of serious immediate harm, in which case a strategy discussion would have take place with police who would have carried out a joint visit alongside the social worker.
voxnihili · 04/03/2022 06:27

I’m a safeguarding lead in my school. We encourage staff to record the little things as it helps to build a picture. They don’t have access to all the records but myself and the other DSLs do. Most of the time these little things really are nothing to worry about but occasionally they are.

Following your update it sounds to me like maybe they’re worried about aggression / domestic violence if your DD has used language such as snatched and fighting. Children often have a knack of elaborating the details which can make incidents seem worse than they are.

I’ve had to sign the book at my DD’s pre-school on numerous occasions as she’s active and clumsy. I’m convinced I’ll get a phone call from social services one of these days due to the way my DD describes incidents.

To be honest, I think it’s best at this stage to cooperate with the social worker. Any hostility could be viewed negatively. They’ll soon see if there’s no cause for concern.

I know it’s difficult but by recording everything and swift action being taken, the services have more chance of being able to reach those children who really need the help.

Strictly1 · 04/03/2022 06:28

@wearewizardsofoz

If she's reported it to the designated safeguarding lead she shouldn't actually have reported that to you. Imagine if your daughter really was being abused at home and she rang to say she had reported it! If she decided to call she should have just asked how it happened and left it at that. Seems weird that she would tell you!
You are meant to tell parents you are reporting it and if you don't, you need to have a good reason. It's one of the first questions safeguarding ask when you report an incident.
ThanksItHasPockets · 04/03/2022 06:41

This is very very strange indeed.

HettytheHoover · 04/03/2022 06:41

Yep, school perfectly valid in reporting what your child has told them and then your husband (amid more extenuating circumstances) has told them.
Reported in case there are several more incidences of "daddy/sister caused this other small cut, this cut, this one, here, here"

Benjispruce5 · 04/03/2022 06:55

Reported? Normally with things like this, our safeguarding leaf would ask parents about it and make a not on our internal system. This goes no further unless other information is collected. In that case a chat with the local MASH team would be the next step. Even then, if nothing suspicious that would be it. I would ask the ahead what they mean by reported. I totally understand how you feel but it is all about protecting your children and if just a silly accident, you have nothing to fear.

Benjispruce5 · 04/03/2022 06:55

Agggh. Lead not leaf, note , Head obviously.

Benjispruce5 · 04/03/2022 06:57

Ah just seen your second post. Sounds odd. There must have been other incidents to generate that response.

marvellousmaple · 04/03/2022 07:00

Fecking hell. This sounds Orwellian. The kid went to school with a plaster and now is dragged out of class and interviewed ( without a parent) for an hour and you are all - yep. All good. Are you all crazy? I'm sorry OP. Is there a new member of staff on a mission? I'd be furious if someone dragged my child into an interview with a random on this basis. I think we all know if many cases of kids attending many many services and nothing happens. This is bizarre and terribly wrong - going on the OP's story.

Rivermonsters · 04/03/2022 07:02

YABU they’re doing their job plus why worry when he’s done nothing wrong Hmm odd post

Benjispruce5 · 04/03/2022 07:03

@marvellousmaple think about it. Do you know the op? Could there have been other incidents? School don’t get social workers in. They report worrying things and social workers are overstretched so don’t turn up at school lightly.

Rivermonsters · 04/03/2022 07:06

@Benjispruce5 I agree, seems like OP is in denial of something

Foolsrule · 04/03/2022 07:09

You shouldn’t have been told the school had contacted anyone. Sounds like the school know nothing about proper safeguarding to me.

MsJinks · 04/03/2022 07:10

It is about the picture building. It’s best to cooperate and also be seen to recognise the reason for the concern rather than debating it.
The school should tell the parent of referral to social unless that itself is seen as a risk, as others have said.
It should all be resolved smoothly, however, it is faintly possible that there’s been a previous random note made to social services and they are now being additionally careful. Every referral to social is logged with new customers getting a record created - and all have to be followed up to an appropriate (and resource driven!) extent. These referral logs are not deleted if found to be of no concern of themselves, as there is potentially ‘picture’ building with a number of small incident referrals. There are also very keen sw around, though that can be understood when you think of some high profile cases.
Regards to your husband’s DBS then if it’s basic that is police record, if it’s enhanced then contact is made with social to see if you are known to them - people can have a concerning social record that police have not on behaviour with vulnerable people. He will now be known to them as his name will be there, but obviously records will not show concern around this one incident or a couple of small ones - I imagine it would be very significant history including adverse fact finds in family courts, huge numbers of allegations for example, before impacting on anyone’s clearance.
I would look into submitting a subject access request (SAR) at some point - I’d think a bit after this is resolved, some might say now but I’m thinking it’s best and easiest to be fully cooperative and not show any concern or annoyance. You would need to do it for your child as well as most info will be recorded in her name - I’m not sure how much they release of that though to be honest.
Hope all works out well for you all.