Entitled Parents

FrustratedTeacher22 · 2022-02-23T14:20:41+00:00

Need a rant! Name changed. I’m a teacher and have been for nearly 15 years. The one part of my job that I hate and that is making me miserable is the parents! I feel there are more and more parents who quite frankly are entitled CFs! I’m so fed up of it. We literally cannot tell parents that their children have behaviour/attitude problems because so many of the parents are defensive and give every excuse under the sun to say it’s not their child or not their fault etc. All we want is for them to support us and support their children to achieve. Am I being unreasonable here? I spend hours of my time dealing with issues before and after school which normally have nothing to do with the kids but the parents. What makes it terrible for me personally is that I live locally to the school I teach in (I can’t move schools due to distance and family/childcare etc). Most people in my situation dislike seeing their class out and about but for me it’s the parents! Just been to the shops and I politely said hello to a parent and she looked me up and down in disgust and turned the other way. Last year I told her that her daughter had been hitting another pupil in the class. Instead of trying to work together to find a solution or a reason for this behaviour it was apparently untrue and that her daughter didn’t do anything. Sorry I’m just sick of this and it’s seriously making me consider leaving the profession.

Blueeyedgirl21 · 23/02/2022 14:24

I couldn’t live where I work 😫

I work with 16-19 year olds but there is increasing parental involvement. Being screamed at because you had to call and tell a parent their 17 yo may be asked to leave our program because they brought a knife in their bag is not great. It’s always either a) lies or b) our fault SOMEHOW

MissConductUS · 23/02/2022 14:25

I certainly sympathize and know parents who are just as you describe. Hopefully, they are a minority.

I'm afraid you'll run into this problem in most professions - entitled patients (I could tell stories), entitled customers, etc. There are whole forums on Reddit for complaints about entitled parents and entitled people in general.

Blueeyedgirl21 · 23/02/2022 14:26

Pressed enter too soon. There are some wonderful kids and parents though so I don’t want to tar everyone with the same brush . I don’t know if it’s after effects of covid and lockdowns and kids being essentially two years behind but we are still needing to bring 18/19 year olds parents in for chats about behaviour and attendance when that used to be fairly rare

WouldIwasShookspeared · 23/02/2022 14:27

I don't blame you tbh

When I was a kid if the teacher had to discipline you in school (anything from a smack to a blackboard rubber chucked at you) you could look forward to getting it from your parents when you got home too!

While I am glad that is no longer the case it has gone right to the other extreme where you get parents screaming their little Johnny wouldn't do that you're lying you've got it in for him while watching crystal clear CCTV footage of dear little Johnny deliberately kicking a kid in the nuts.

And they'll probably threaten to sue you for filming him too.

While screaming that it wasn't even him.

I like to think that sort is the minority, I really do. But when I read what teachers go through I fear that's not the case.

Mumofsend · 23/02/2022 14:27

I think its often easy to only see things from one perspective but no one here can really tell you if they are being unreasonable or if perhaps there are other issues going on.

I will question anything that is very clearly my child's disability

Bundlesofchocforme · 23/02/2022 14:27

Sorry to hear this op. I value dds teachers hugely and appreciate the sheer graft they put in.

Mumofsend · 23/02/2022 14:32

And for what it's worth I do fully support when necessary too.

One day last week I had three phonecalls because when my DD sits on the floor cross legged she flashes her knickers and isn't self aware enough to cover her skirt to cover herself like the others are. Complete non issue really and she always responds to a prompt yet I had 3 phonecalls, a social story sent home, she has had sessions with pastoral on it too. Stuff like that drives me insane.

Stuff that is bad behaviour or needs supporting then 100% I'm supportive but complaining a child with adhd won't sit still and punishing her for it will be questioned.

SugarAndCoffee · 23/02/2022 14:33

Don't work in the area you live

Saharafordessert · 23/02/2022 15:00

Even if it adds just 20 mins onto your daily commute I would consider moving schools.

OnceuponaRainbow18 · 23/02/2022 15:02

I also live 2 min from the school I work in! I’m very careful hen getting changed at the gym 🤣 I’ve found most parents support me more as I live in the community, but some do knock on my door on the weekend and moan about their kids and ask about homework!

Naimee87 · 23/02/2022 15:20

This is so interesting because i'm currently facing massive issues with my DS's(12) teacher. I feel i've done all i can to support the teacher but his involvement has become over-bearing. I'm curious to hear from a teachers perspective what level of contact is 'normal' for a teacher and parent to have. Mine got to the point where the teacher was texting on a daily basis and I was having to take his calls during working hours. I'm a single-parent and work full time. But on top of the calls/txts/emails i've had to attend meetings as well. It's never-ending. I tried my very best to meet him half-way but nothing i ever did seemed to be enough for him. To put it into context my son isn't easy, class-clown, hard to motivate and can be very cheeky/disrespectful. I have never ever contradicted the teacher either and i did discipline at home for what went on at school. But there is only so much i can do at home. I was being informed of every step my son was taking, like a minute-by-minute update. He was writing on weekends/evenings as well. I truly understand it must be extremely difficult to deal with children that have attitude problems and then top it off having to deal with parents who clearly aren't listening to what you're telling them. However am i wrong to think that the level of contact from this teacher is over the top?

LovelyLovelyWarmCoffee · 23/02/2022 15:44

Last year my DS’s teacher kept telling me he was chewing his pens.
DS has autism and sensory issues. Not sure what the teacher was expecting from me after the first few times when I confirmed that he was doing it at home as well / I didn’t have a solution except reminding him not to do it / I was open to any suggestion he had. I offered to pay for new pens, that wasn’t the issue.
After a while my face might have looked defensive when he would gesture for me to come have a word at pick up.

Original poster

FrustratedTeacher22 · 23/02/2022 16:07

Thank you for your comments. @Blueeyedgirl21 and @WouldIwasShookspeared have hit the nail on the head.

OP posts:

gluenotsoup · 23/02/2022 16:15

It’s a bit off the point, but @LovelyLovelyWarmCoffee would putting some of the horrible tasting stuff that you can get to stop children biting their nails on the pens help discourage him biting them? Sorry if that’s no help- I have my own dc with SEN so understand x

Hillarious · 23/02/2022 16:20

Can be okay, or can be a nightmare to live and teach in the same area. However, it's not always bad. We've gone through primary and secondary school, but I have the following now going on:

I share a hobby with the nursery school teacher
I'm Facebook friends with the reception teacher
I live across the road from the Year 1 teacher (now retired) and we keep an eye out for her. Slept in her spare bed with DD had a big party on NYE
I share a hobby with the Year 2/4 teacher.
DD is good friends with the son of the Year 6 teacher.
I shared a hobby with DD's A level Maths teacher (and we never mentioned the D she got at A level).

It is a small town though, so difficult to avoid people.

GeneLovesJezebel · 23/02/2022 16:20

Try being a nurse, we have to be nice to people who treat us appallingly.
I had to apologise to someone recently when I hadn’t even done what I was accused of. And my manager agreed that it wasn’t something I would have done.

Photolass · 23/02/2022 16:21

@Naimee87

This is so interesting because i'm currently facing massive issues with my DS's(12) teacher. I feel i've done all i can to support the teacher but his involvement has become over-bearing. I'm curious to hear from a teachers perspective what level of contact is 'normal' for a teacher and parent to have. Mine got to the point where the teacher was texting on a daily basis and I was having to take his calls during working hours. I'm a single-parent and work full time. But on top of the calls/txts/emails i've had to attend meetings as well. It's never-ending. I tried my very best to meet him half-way but nothing i ever did seemed to be enough for him. To put it into context my son isn't easy, class-clown, hard to motivate and can be very cheeky/disrespectful. I have never ever contradicted the teacher either and i did discipline at home for what went on at school. But there is only so much i can do at home. I was being informed of every step my son was taking, like a minute-by-minute update. He was writing on weekends/evenings as well. I truly understand it must be extremely difficult to deal with children that have attitude problems and then top it off having to deal with parents who clearly aren't listening to what you're telling them. However am i wrong to think that the level of contact from this teacher is over the top?

If your son stopped being the class clown ( and to me, that means he is disrupting his classes), then perhaps his teacher might not need to contact you so often.

OnceuponaRainbow18 · 23/02/2022 16:23

@GeneLovesJezebel

We have restorative meetings between kids and adults where the adult is almost expected to apologise… kid called me the C word the other day, because I asked them to not drink a can of coke in the classroom

jamandmarmaladeoncrumpets · 23/02/2022 16:35

OP, that parent you said 'hello' to in the shop is projecting her own guilt onto you. 'Teflon' it. Her behaviour speaks volumes about her daughter's

It isn't you.....

woodhill · 23/02/2022 16:40

I hear you

Georgeskitchen · 23/02/2022 16:42

I'm old enough to remember the days when kids got a rollicking for bad behaviour at school and dreaded their parents finding out because they would get another punishment meted out at home.
Having said that, some of the teachers at my ( respected grammar) school were absolute psychos who seemd to delight in humiliating pupils and making them look and feel about 2 inches tall. Some of their behaviour, I firmly believe, would land them a jail sentence in today's climate!!

Wannabangbang · 23/02/2022 16:46

And this is why so many teens adults turn into prisoners or bullies or both because their parents simply allow this and don't do anything to stop it. Parents need to realise their kids aren't little darlings and need bringing up not dragging up

LovelyLovelyWarmCoffee · 23/02/2022 16:48

@gluenotsoup thanks for the suggestion! We tried the bitter nail varnish but he just chews on something else (his sleeve, another pen etc). We also tried the chew toys that he will either bite so hard he eats up eating bits of it or he will put them fully in his mouth and risk choking. So still looking for THE idea…

BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation · 23/02/2022 16:50

People are a lot more entitled and demanding these days. They're also less likely to hold their kids to account for their bad behaviour. Treating your child like the family doggie rather than a human who needs to be guided and moulded into becoming a responsible adult isn't a recipe for success. They'll reap the rewards later on when they're left with a totally unpleasant, demanding brat for an adult child.

MarshmallowSwede · 23/02/2022 16:50

Sorry to hear this OP. I really do hope these parents start to get their children’s behaviour in order, otherwise their children will be in for a shock when they become adults.

If you don’t discipline your children to behave then the police will. Remember.. no one has to tolerate your child’s bad behaviour. And when they become anti social adults the police and prison system will clean up after your failed attempt at “gentle parenting”.