Entitled Parents

[FrustratedTeacher22]

Need a rant! Name changed. I’m a teacher and have been for nearly 15 years. The one part of my job that I hate and that is making me miserable is the parents! I feel there are more and more parents who quite frankly are entitled CFs! I’m so fed up of it. We literally cannot tell parents that their children have behaviour/attitude problems because so many of the parents are defensive and give every excuse under the sun to say it’s not their child or not their fault etc. All we want is for them to support us and support their children to achieve. Am I being unreasonable here? I spend hours of my time dealing with issues before and after school which normally have nothing to do with the kids but the parents. What makes it terrible for me personally is that I live locally to the school I teach in (I can’t move schools due to distance and family/childcare etc). Most people in my situation dislike seeing their class out and about but for me it’s the parents! Just been to the shops and I politely said hello to a parent and she looked me up and down in disgust and turned the other way. Last year I told her that her daughter had been hitting another pupil in the class. Instead of trying to work together to find a solution or a reason for this behaviour it was apparently untrue and that her daughter didn’t do anything. Sorry I’m just sick of this and it’s seriously making me consider leaving the profession.

@FrustratedTeacher22

Need a rant! Name changed. I’m a teacher and have been for nearly 15 years. The one part of my job that I hate and that is making me miserable is the parents! I feel there are more and more parents who quite frankly are entitled CFs! I’m so fed up of it. We literally cannot tell parents that their children have behaviour/attitude problems because so many of the parents are defensive and give every excuse under the sun to say it’s not their child or not their fault etc. All we want is for them to support us and support their children to achieve. Am I being unreasonable here? I spend hours of my time dealing with issues before and after school which normally have nothing to do with the kids but the parents. What makes it terrible for me personally is that I live locally to the school I teach in (I can’t move schools due to distance and family/childcare etc). Most people in my situation dislike seeing their class out and about but for me it’s the parents! Just been to the shops and I politely said hello to a parent and she looked me up and down in disgust and turned the other way. Last year I told her that her daughter had been hitting another pupil in the class. Instead of trying to work together to find a solution or a reason for this behaviour it was apparently untrue and that her daughter didn’t do anything. Sorry I’m just sick of this and it’s seriously making me consider leaving the profession.

I would be calling a meeting with that parent and the head or pupil support person. Tackle the issue. That attitude needs to be sorted or that kid will get nowhere

@Mumofsend

And for what it's worth I do fully support when necessary too.

One day last week I had three phonecalls because when my DD sits on the floor cross legged she flashes her knickers and isn't self aware enough to cover her skirt to cover herself like the others are. Complete non issue really and she always responds to a prompt yet I had 3 phonecalls, a social story sent home, she has had sessions with pastoral on it too. Stuff like that drives me insane.

Stuff that is bad behaviour or needs supporting then 100% I'm supportive but complaining a child with adhd won't sit still and punishing her for it will be questioned.

It sounds like she's not responding to prompts! Teachers don't immediately pick up the phone! I have a child with ASD & ADHD and ignoring prompts isn't part of that in our experience. I have to be blunt here and point out that not every behaviour is 'down to their disability'. She can and does misbehave frequently (It's 8:53am and I've already had to threaten to remove privileges 3 times this morning already!!)

@BlondeWidow except she is, her teacher has confirmed she is. And at what point is it even a behavioural issue when she is 7 not having the awareness that her skirt isn't covering her properly when sat on the carpet especially to warrant 3 phonecalls just because she needs prompting rather than doing it independently. Madness.

I have two kids who are doing great at school. We have the kind of parents' evenings where you come out glowing because everyone's praising your kid.

My other child has special needs. We have had to fight at every stage to get his needs met, and still he is being failed. I have long ago ceased to care what the teachers think of me. Probably that I'm an entitled parent!

A family member whose a secondary teacher told off a lad for vile behaviour and had a heart sink when told the dad on the phone. Dad wanted to know exactly what “the little sod” had done so he could give him what for at home and back her up - refreshing!

I’m an ex teacher so you have my sympathy and I have sympathy with my children’s teachers. I caveat this with the fact that some people (not just parents) are wildly unreasonable for no purpose.

BUT the education system is broken. It’s causing active harm to many children especially around behaviour policies for children with SEND. I can’t and don’t support the school I’m afraid. You can’t expect support when parents get no say in things like the way attendance is dealt with, what are actually behavioural issues and how much stress/homework is reasonable for that age of student.

@Liveandkicking

I’m an ex teacher so you have my sympathy and I have sympathy with my children’s teachers. I caveat this with the fact that some people (not just parents) are wildly unreasonable for no purpose.

BUT the education system is broken. It’s causing active harm to many children especially around behaviour policies for children with SEND. I can’t and don’t support the school I’m afraid. You can’t expect support when parents get no say in things like the way attendance is dealt with, what are actually behavioural issues and how much stress/homework is reasonable for that age of student.

Fully agree. The entire system is broken.

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
Try to remember all the lovely or just average pupils chugging along in class. I expect none of their parents are the ones causing ruckus.

The incidence of entitled parents has increased exponentially since I started teaching over a decade ago. It now takes up a huge amount of my time and, crucially, stops the 95% of children who want to learn being able to focus in class because we cannot deal with poor behaviour without reprisals.

Last year I had a boy in my class who I suspected to have ADHD. We supported his parents through getting a diagnosis of that plus Aspergers. I didn’t phone home each time he licked someone/shouted out in class/scribbled in a book because those issues were a result of his neurodiversity and you couldn’t miss that fact.

However, I did call home each time one of his classmates called me out as ‘wrong’ for correcting his maths/said ‘I’m not being told what to do by some girl’/sneakily pulled girls’ hair. His dad was a misogynistic, controlling arsehole (and, alarmingly, a senior member of the armed police) who loudly told his son to ignore me, though his poor downtrodden mum couldn’t apologise enough on the phone.

95% of parents are lovely. The other 5% contribute to the teacher retention crisis.

I went back to uni as a mature student and (even when I progressed to an MA course) had emails and calls from parents of fellow students effectively asking me to parent their adult children. My stock response went from ‘I don’t think that’s appropriate’ to ‘that’s something you should discuss with [yourchild]’ to ‘No. if you contact me again I will inform the university and the police.’
Tutors told me they had the same issues -
Who hell are these people and how crap were their own parents?

However am i wrong to think that the level of contact from this teacher is over the top?

At what point would you expect to be told that your son was disrupting his education and, more importantly, the education of others by being the 'class clown', aka the class brat?
Parents complain, rightly, if they are not made aware of problems but it's clear that they can't do right for doing wrong. A parent has far more sanctions at their disposal than a teacher, teachers aren't even allowed to raise their voices for fear of upsetting the little dears.

[quote Mumofsend]**@BlondeWidow* except she is, her teacher has confirmed she is. And at what point is it even a behavioural issue when she is 7 not having the awareness that her skirt isn't covering her properly when sat on the carpet especially to warrant 3 phonecalls just* because she needs prompting rather than doing it independently. Madness.[/quote]
In general making contact with a parent takes time and effort so they clearly see it as a concern. My daughter is 7, loves to strip off at home but I’d be surprised if others could see her knickers and she wasn’t aware unless told.

@1AngelicFruitCake she is autistic, she has limited awareness of things like this.

[quote Mumofsend]@1AngelicFruitCake she is autistic, she has limited awareness of things like this.[/quote]
My apologies, I didn’t read that so that’s a very different situation then

Honestly I’m reading this and I think there’s a danger of viewing your experience in a vacuum. To me, the fact we’ve been subject to austerity since the start of your career and then a pandemic, is a context. I don’t think it is so much that parents in particular are more “entitled”, so much as there simply are not the resources available that used to be. Some parents can be a pain - but more families are struggling than ever. School have less resources and a lot of pastoral support/outreach that would’ve been available to diffuse a lot of parental anxieties that could’ve diffuse a lot of these issues is gone. You will feel more heightened and stressed in your jobs - and so will parents. Children may have had more support 10-15 years ago, parents could access support more readily - and schools are on their knees too. You’re going to feel it! The whole world is in crisis, tensions are higher for everyone. There’s a reason why economic crises and pandemics often precede wars! Just my thoughts.

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