Entitled Parents

[FrustratedTeacher22]

Need a rant! Name changed. I’m a teacher and have been for nearly 15 years. The one part of my job that I hate and that is making me miserable is the parents! I feel there are more and more parents who quite frankly are entitled CFs! I’m so fed up of it. We literally cannot tell parents that their children have behaviour/attitude problems because so many of the parents are defensive and give every excuse under the sun to say it’s not their child or not their fault etc. All we want is for them to support us and support their children to achieve. Am I being unreasonable here? I spend hours of my time dealing with issues before and after school which normally have nothing to do with the kids but the parents. What makes it terrible for me personally is that I live locally to the school I teach in (I can’t move schools due to distance and family/childcare etc). Most people in my situation dislike seeing their class out and about but for me it’s the parents! Just been to the shops and I politely said hello to a parent and she looked me up and down in disgust and turned the other way. Last year I told her that her daughter had been hitting another pupil in the class. Instead of trying to work together to find a solution or a reason for this behaviour it was apparently untrue and that her daughter didn’t do anything. Sorry I’m just sick of this and it’s seriously making me consider leaving the profession.

@SuitcaseOfWhine Are you one of my entitled parents?

@bigdecisionstomake

More children are going to university with health issues these days. My dd has a weekly visit from the halls support team to ensure she is eating, she's washed etc. they contact me if she refuses to engage. She's clever but autistic with depression, eating issues and anxiety. Young people like her were once institutionalised but thankfully we are more enlightened now. She seems to be coping with weekly checks, we are a long way along from when she was hospitalised two years ago.

I think it goes deeper, most teachers cannot distinguish between bad behaviour and SEN behaviour, and of those that can, some either dont care or dont have the time/energy/capability to deal with it appropriately. Those that can and do are few and far between and to be truely appreciated.

@Mumofsend how incredibly insulting to teachers who participate in ongoing training in the various strategies needed to help SEN students. It is possible for SEN children to behave badly in ways that are nothing to do with their special needs. The response to that should of course take into account their SEN, but it doesn't mean SEN children can never face the same behavioural procedures as other students.

@Mumofsend

And for what it's worth I do fully support when necessary too.

One day last week I had three phonecalls because when my DD sits on the floor cross legged she flashes her knickers and isn't self aware enough to cover her skirt to cover herself like the others are. Complete non issue really and she always responds to a prompt yet I had 3 phonecalls, a social story sent home, she has had sessions with pastoral on it too. Stuff like that drives me insane.

Stuff that is bad behaviour or needs supporting then 100% I'm supportive but complaining a child with adhd won't sit still and punishing her for it will be questioned.

Mumofsend - could she wear shorts or cycling shorts under her skirt? This worked for my daughter - she was then able to fit hue she liked and do handstands when she liked.

Argh! “Sit how she liked”

I don't think the op is so much complaining about the behaviour of the pupils, which may or may not be SEN. More the attitude of parents who will automatically assume that their little angels can do no wrong even when caught red handed doing something really atrocious.

Behaviours that really shouldn't be tolerated at schools like bullying, threatening, intentional violence, csrrying offensive weapons, abusive behaviour with a clear intent to be offensive etc in general aren't indicative of SEN. But these children's parents do come into schools when the precious darling tells them they've been told off for something, and verbally abuse and even threaten teachers.

No reason like SEN given, which I would guess a good parent would tell a teacher about, just refusing to accept that either their child acted in that way, that they shouldn't have acted in that way, or that the teacher should just put up with something like another child being threatened with a knife at school.

YANBU. Totally not unreasonable. I teach undergrads and I’ve seen the increase of the results of this sort of parental entitlement.

The thing is, it doesn’t help the children. It’s so frustrating - as educators were driven to try to help young people become the best they can become.

Learning to grow up is hard. But it sometimes needs to be tough to grow up into a thoughtful and emotionally intelligent person.

We’ve often said in our staff room that we’d be happy to wear body cams… then we can just send a copy of the footage of their darlings telling us to fuck off, or whatever it might be.

I weekly have to talk to ds teacher due to him saying he has lashed out in anger for no reason yet when I have gotten him home and find his arms with bruises from being nipped repeatedly and yet is was my child to blame and mine the was punished because he pushed the other kid over this is a now weekly thing I have to deal with school say for no reason other parents telling me differently from there kids that match my dss

@NorthFaceofthelaundrypile

We’ve often said in our staff room that we’d be happy to wear body cams… then we can just send a copy of the footage of their darlings telling us to fuck off, or whatever it might be.

How do you manage that when this happens. When i was at school 30yrs ago you would have got a board rubber flung at your head for cheek let alone swearing at a teacher.

@jamandmarmaladeoncrumpets happens daily at my school unfortunately. Would never have got away with it when I was a teen!

Judging from some of the parents I saw in my dds class at primary I do feel for teachers.

I can remember one boy, who was tbh just a little shit. No SEN or anything like that. He would get told off, for just being a pain in the arse and his mum would be in the next day having a go at the teacher in the playground. Some parents cannot accept that their little darlings can be turds!

Sorry to hear this OP, I've always thought teaching would be a great career if you didn't have to deal with parents...

@ClaudiusTheGod

but you are BU to assume that all kids with behaviour issues is the result of bad parenting

Who said all ?

Teacher here. LOADS of children cannot cope with the standards of behaviour required at school because their parents have not been bothered enough to have any standards of behaviour at home. That is bad parenting. You can say ‘oh undiagnosed SEN, issues at home’ but you would be just as unreasonable to say ‘no behaviour issues are caused by bad parenting’. There are bad parents. There are lazy parents. They exist.

Agree. From managing to put on their own clothes at , to eating using utensils, taking turns, sharing, basic hygiene, looking after communal materials, clearing up after themselves. Some children have not been given even basic skills to deal with the world outside their home environment. And I am not necessarily talking about very young children who have just started school. Try taking Year 5 and year 6 on school journey, it becomes apparent in minutes which children have been badly parented.

[quote stimpyyouidiot]@jamandmarmaladeoncrumpets happens daily at my school unfortunately. Would never have got away with it when I was a teen! [/quote]
But that's terrible. Genuinely, how do you manage it?

I'm genuinely asking because i was training to be a TEFL teacher but i may well just do business english.

[quote PupInAPram]@Mumofsend how incredibly insulting to teachers who participate in ongoing training in the various strategies needed to help SEN students. It is possible for SEN children to behave badly in ways that are nothing to do with their special needs. The response to that should of course take into account their SEN, but it doesn't mean SEN children can never face the same behavioural procedures as other students.[/quote]
Unfortuantly I see it every single day. Children with ADHD punished for not paying attention, not sitting still, forgetting things. Autistic children told off for being rude or not looking at a teacher when spoken to.

Going on a training course is all well and good but is not the same as actually understanding.

@Georgeskitchen

I'm old enough to remember the days when kids got a rollicking for bad behaviour at school and dreaded their parents finding out because they would get another punishment meted out at home. Having said that, some of the teachers at my ( respected grammar) school were absolute psychos who seemd to delight in humiliating pupils and making them look and feel about 2 inches tall. Some of their behaviour, I firmly believe, would land them a jail sentence in today's climate!!

Same here, when I got a bollocking from the teacher I wouldn't DARE tell my parents, there needs to be a balance though, it's gone too far the other way. You're right about the teachers back then...some of them were bonkers!

@FortVictoria I have got her some, unfortuantly her school aren't accepting it as not resolving the underlying issue.

sorry forgot to tag @stimpyyouidiot and @NorthFaceofthelaundrypile in my posts / questions am typing one handed

but you are BU to assume that all kids with behaviour issues is the result of bad parenting

But the OP didn't remotely say she was assuming that.

Teachers are aware when SEN is a factor. Teachers know the kids, and they get to know certain parents well enough to be able to see whether they're entitled or not.

Parents are quite right to question the school if the school is failing to meet the needs of their child with SEN. However, child with SEN doesn't automatically mean parents are not being entitled or unreasonable. It is not unreasonable of the school to inform parents of kids with SEN about serious behaviour incidents, even when those behaviours are consistent with the child's disability or learning needs. In fact it would be unreasonable of the school not to. Whatever the cause of the behaviour problems, they will be affecting all students' learning (and potentially their safety and mental health). Any parent is unreasonae to react angrily or aggressively to being informed of their child's behaviour. Just as any teacher would be unreasonable to speak aggressively to a parent.

I don't disagree. I see it from a somewhat step away because part of my role involves training people who work in Senco , Attendance Officer and Pastoral roles and some of the stories are unbelievable. Specifically I deal with particularly unpleasant situations and very much empathise with parents who are not listening and the dangers that come from that.

I think the vast majority of the time it is parents being ridiculous because in most cases if I have had to contact the school about something with my Dc I have been very much heard and the issue has been dealt with. I presume because they are realistic concerns (a teacher not letting my SEN child go to the toilet causing an accident although this had already been agreed with Senco and teacher previously) all resolved quickly and easily.

That said we recently had an issue where my being reasonable thoroughly backfired and I felt very guilty. I accepted repeated reports about ds2 behaviour, put strict disciplinary in with him at home. He heard me do nothing but agree with the teacher. However it transpired weeks later that due to other parents experiences , the problem had genuinely come from the teacher. One of the few problematic teachers that I have come across in real life.

The issue came out and it became problematic.m and honestly the teacher had really been quite nasty and unpleasant to 6 year olds. Honestly I wish I had listened to the shouty mums on this and not been so quick to take the teachers word for it.

I think he job is very hard and the majority of the time the parent should absolutely support the teacher. However I think its tricky because there are a few problem teachers. How do you know which is which?

Im not a "nightmare parent" as when teachers upset my dc, playing favourites, being inconsistent or being too harsh, i went down the route of telling my kids not to play in to the narrative the teacher had constructed. They got it.

Teachers are not immune to meting out bad behaviour sadly. Things are more closely monitored now thankfully but when my dc were sobbing because of some injustice casually dished out by a teacher, i had my dc's back. I believed them.

So that's whats going on with the nightmare parents id guess

@jamandmarmaladeoncrumpets if they swear directly at a teacher/staff member, they get excluded. The kids who do this aren't ones to give a shit if they're excluded or not. Then the parents will likely have a go at the school as well for being inconvenienced (ie could you please come and pick up your child, they have been aggressive and have been swearing at staff members). They don't want to deal with it either.

Today we had a parent call to complain saying 'all teachers are bullies'. When it came down to it their child had been given a detention for the same thing 3 times. Unfortunately, the child had done the exact same thing that's against school rules 3 times, after being warned about it several times. All on the system for the parent to see. So the child tells dad the teachers are bullying him but what is actually happening is he knows his dad will call the school and bollock them saying he's being bullied and attempt to say none of it's his fault and try and get out of it. Couldn't possibly say to your child 'don't do the thing that's against school rules, and you won't get any detentions!'

@FrustratedTeacher22. Please dont think all parents are like this. If my kids get told off at school I can guarantee they're getting a talking to at home as well. My kids are lovely most of the time but they're not angels. If a teacher tells me they've been arseholes then they've likely been arseholes and will lose phone privileges or something else to make clear that I agree with their teacher.