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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Does your OH hate when your mum comes round?

82 replies

moneymoneymoneybags · 22/02/2022 21:42

My mum lives on her own and only really has us up here and we will see her probably twice a week.

We are going for a private scan tomorrow so she will come and watch our kids, we do normally drop them at hers but we have more space and the kids have all there toys so I have said she can come here (which he doesn't want either)

He said she can come down half an hour before we leave, I said no I do want to see my mum aswell you know. Normally she will come down at around 11 and stay till dinner and I will drop her back.

But it's like every time I tell her come down he's in the background pulling faces or saying no not today.

If it was his mum that lived round the corner I couldn't give a crap I enjoy everyone's company especially on maternity leave!!

We've just got into a huge argument over it and I said I can't imagine other peoples husbands are like this and he seems to think they are.

Is it man thing? Or does he just need to get a life!

OP posts:

Shainago · 22/02/2022 21:44

Say no the next time he suggests you two visiting his mum and from his reaction youll have your answer

Cas112 · 22/02/2022 21:45

No he's rude and selfish

BeBraveAndBeKind · 22/02/2022 21:46

No, my DH would rather spend time with my mum than his own mum. They have quite a few shared interests.

Ohdofuckofdear · 22/02/2022 21:49

No my DH loved my Mum and Dad(both sadly no longer with us)and they loved him.

Has your OH said why he doesn't want your Mum around?

Is he very close to his own Mother, I ask because I've had a couple of friends that have had the same problem with they're DP's and for a few of them the men didn't get on with they're own parents so didn't understand my friends wanting to see they're mum's every week.

NeverHadANickname · 22/02/2022 21:49

My parents have recently spent a month living with us and DH enjoyed it and misses them being here.

SickAndTiredAgain · 22/02/2022 21:49

No, but he might not be thrilled if it was twice a week (although neither would I!)

BoredZelda · 22/02/2022 21:54

Nobody would be telling me my mum can't come to visit.

Is there some backstory about their relationship?

scarpa · 22/02/2022 21:55

DH likes my mum. Dunno if he'd want to see her twice a week though.

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 22/02/2022 21:56

No my dp gets on great with my parents. We purchased our first house over the road, basically next door. So that says it all really

MrsTimRiggins · 22/02/2022 21:57

He sounds like an ungrateful twat tbh. She’s helping you out!!
Even if she wasn’t, he’s still being a knob.
My husband doesn’t exactly see eye to eye with my mum, but he would never be arsey about me seeing her or having her around, and he’s unfailingly polite and chatty.

ohhooh · 22/02/2022 21:58

I like my MIL, but 11am until dinner (guessing evening time?) twice a week is a heck of a lot of time.

A lot of couples are like this that I know - you only need to look on mumsnet at the amount of people in similar situations. From what I've been seeing the advice isn't in favour of the visits (but it seems to be MIL normally not DM 😂) and favours strong boundaries 😬

FuckThatBullshit · 22/02/2022 21:58

If anyone disrespected my Mother like that he'd be fucking gone like a fart in the wind

Concestor · 22/02/2022 21:59

No! My husband really likes my parents and would have them here as long as I wanted.

FangsForTheMemory · 22/02/2022 21:59

I was thinking twice a week is a bit much but she's coming round to look after your kids! YANBU, does he expect to treat her like a paid babysitter or something?

Partyatnumberten · 22/02/2022 22:00

No, my Husband has a good relationship with my mum. He also doesn't behave like a stroppy teenager. Our respective families are always welcome in our house

BunsOfAnarchy · 22/02/2022 22:01

Has he actually ever said why he doesn't like her around?

shakeitoffshakeacocktail · 22/02/2022 22:02

What is your DH doing while your DM is round? @moneymoneymoneybags
Is he expected to sit 'nicely' in the the room with a cup of tea or get on with stuff or at work? I think that would make a difference to me

Thatsplentyjack · 22/02/2022 22:03

Nope, he never complains and she's here a lot. Even when she lived with us for 6 months, shared a room with my ds, the other ds had to move into our room and we barely used the libing room so she could have her own space, he never complained. I was however going off my nut and he would tell me to stop moaning 🤣 (i never let my mum know she was driving me mad though. She wasnt to be fair, it was the situation.
My dad also pops in unannounced a lot. Again never complains. I would honestly hate it if it was the other way around.

mynameiscalypso · 22/02/2022 22:07

Well, I wanted want to spend that much time with my MIL. To be honest, I wouldn't want to spend that much time with my own mother (the feeling is very much mutual).

If my mum comes round, my DH may pop out to say hello but will generally find an excuse to stay in a different room or go for a run or something. They get on perfectly well but I wouldn't expect them to hang out together.

mynameiscalypso · 22/02/2022 22:07

*wouldn't want

Greaterthanthesumoftheparts · 22/02/2022 22:08

We’re on holiday for a week and have brought my mum along, my DH loves her. She stayed with us for 2 weeks before DS was born, the week I was in hospital being induced, was present at the birth (at DH request) and stayed 2.5 weeks after. He often asks if we can keep her but she also has her own life. His first MIL, on the other hand, he was happy to lose.

Original poster

moneymoneymoneybags · 22/02/2022 22:08

That's the funniest thing because when she's here he will sit and speak with her for hours they have a good relationship.

She will come to ours once a week and I might pop to town with her or go to hers during the week. But he's always moaning about it. When I go to town with her he always ends up coming with us!

He says he has no issue with her but just doesn't want her sitting here for hours. But who cares it's once a week it gets her out the house me and the kids like seeing her it's nice.

He can do what he wants when she's see here but chooses to sit chatting with us.

OP posts:

lovelovelove2 · 22/02/2022 22:08

Mine get on very well. My mother lives about half hour away and comes to stay once a week. During that time she helps with the house work, picks kids up from school, does the dinner stays over and does school run the next day. Sees the children when they return from school and then goes home. We have a good laugh all of us together and enjoy our time very much.

DrDreReturns · 22/02/2022 22:10

I wouldn't want to see my in laws twice a week. Once a week is plenty for me. We get on fine btw but I don't particularly want to see them really frequently.

whumpthereitis · 22/02/2022 22:13

Twice weekly visits would get old very quickly for me.

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