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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To call the police over someone staring?

114 replies

MellaY · 22/02/2022 20:13

Hear me out!

I took my 6 month old LB into town today with my BIL and niece. He needed to run an errand before we went for a shop and my little boy needed a feed so my niece and BIL left me at a coffee shop so I could park up and feed my lb.

A lady who I have seen before locally (I dont know her personally) was watching my lb and myself really intently as I walked in but I didn't think too much of it. I ordered my coffee and sat down at a table directly across from where she was sat as it was the only place where the chairs didn't have arm rests ( I'm ebf so they get in the way of my little boys legs). I had my lb out of the pram and was almost ready to feed him when I realised she was still staring at me. She never looked away- not even when we made eye contact with one and other. It wasn't subtle at all and made me feel really uneasy and I was deeply unsettled so I moved to a different spot with my little boy that I had avoided due to it being an awkward chair to feed in. She was still watching me in our new spot ( baring in mind I hadn't started feeding and she couldn't have seen anything like a breast/ nipple- not that that would be an excuse to stare unblinkingly at someone!). I ended up blocking her vision with my pram but could still see she had her head turned towards us.

My little boy had finished his feed and I was enjoying my coffee when she walked past us to go to the loo. She pointedly turned her head to stare at us as she walked by and only stopped looking when she had physically gone too far to be able to turn her head enough to see us. She left and my BIL came back and I told him about the weirdness of what had just happened.

Scrolling through Facebook I noticed someone else who has been in town today (not someone I know) had posted about a lady of the same description following her and her young baby out of the bus station. I messaged the lady to tell her about my experience with what I thought was the same woman. Apparently this woman had been on the same bus as her and followed her, complimented her on her 'beautiful' baby and was getting herself very close to the pram (the lady with the baby told her to go away). She continued to follow her until she was again told to stop and leave them both alone. This lady also noticed she appeared to be pregnant but with an almost too perfect looking baby bump (which lady with baby suspected may have been fake). Shes been reported to the police by this woman as her social worker (fostering) suggested it may have been related to gangs trying to snatch babies Shock and she has suggested I also report how she was behaving in the coffee shop.

It feels weirdly reminiscent of a bit too many crime dramas/ true crime shows where women have faked pregnancies then snatched babies. The thought of someone with a baby meeting this woman in with no one around makes me feel a bit sick.

I feel like I should report her as the experience of this other woman has turned what happened to me today from something a bit unnerving to something that now feels very sinister. I do feel like I'm going to sound like a mad woman calling the police to report someone for looking at me funny though!

I hope this makes sense as I'm rubbish at being concise.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 22/02/2022 20:23

If the other baby was in foster care which I assume then there may well have been good reason for her to be suspicious (but if so then posting details on social media and talking to strangers is probably also in advisable)

But woman looking at other woman is hardly cause to call the police

BrickingIt44 · 22/02/2022 20:23

YANBU at all, that sounds so creepy! Normally I think logging it with 101 is nonsense but I would in this case.

BrickingIt44 · 22/02/2022 20:26

@Staring is very different to just looking!

TheYearOfSmallThings · 22/02/2022 20:27

I do feel like I'm going to sound like a mad woman calling the police to report someone for looking at me funny though!

You would, tbh.

GirlInACountrySong · 22/02/2022 20:30

and what do you think the police would do? get her to lift her top? (if they found her as you have no address)

CIaireFraser · 22/02/2022 20:30

This sounds like the plot of one of those supermarket thrillers with titles like The Woman Who Stared.

I wouldn't report this, although I see why it might be unnerving to have someone look at you like this.

Georgeskitchen · 22/02/2022 20:31

At the first few lines I thought you were being paranoid , then I read on. I would ask the other lady details of who in the police they spoke to, so you can contact the same person with your story , and will not be dismissed as an over protective mother. It all sounds a bit strange and it may be quite innocent.......or it may not!!

DrSbaitso · 22/02/2022 20:31

I can see why you were unnerved and she sounds creepy, but I don't know what the police could do. It isn't illegal.

MellaY · 22/02/2022 20:33

She didn't mention any details on her post other than as a general warning to people in the area with a description of the woman and vague account as to what had happened. I only know more detail from contacting the other woman via fb messenger to share what had happened today.

I wouldn't have thought anything of my experience with her unless I had spoken with the other woman (other than being thoroughly creeped out). I think given the context of what has happened to her I ought to report it on the off chance this escalates. Though I would say her behaviour around me was much more than looking I've felt more comfortable with creepers on a night out than how I felt today.

OP posts:
BrickingIt44 · 22/02/2022 20:36

It's clearly a pattern of worrying behaviour and worth reporting. Even if she has no intention of doing anything to a child, no one should be made to feel uncomfortable like that.

StarsAndSugarlumps · 22/02/2022 20:38

I would tell the police everything you have written here. The context is everything. They are unlikely to follow up anything based on one report of it, but what if there were dozens of reports, or if something had happened. It is not going to do any harm and could do some good.

MellaY · 22/02/2022 20:40

This isn't first time I've seen her around. Shes often in and around local bus stations but has always been fairly innocuous. This is the first time I have seen her after having my little boy though.

I'm not sure what the police could do really, but I feel like it adds context to the other woman's more alarming story. They have banned people from our city centre before for continued harassment of others though not that these two instances of behaviour really merit that.

OP posts:
Toottooot · 22/02/2022 20:41

Did you think her ‘bump’ looked fake too? 🙄

redbigbananafeet · 22/02/2022 20:44

Has there been a spree of gangs snatching babies in the UK that I've missed on the news?

WhoAre · 22/02/2022 20:45

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

StringFellow · 22/02/2022 20:50

Definitely sounds like the beginning of a horror film! Sorry OP Grin I would report too.

Violetmo0n · 22/02/2022 20:50

I would log it, even more so after hearing the other women's story.
The more they have the more they will act.

I've seen on Facebook afew things recently of people with prams being followed, stopped being asked for money whilst someone else comes up to the pram etc.

MellaY · 22/02/2022 20:51

@Toottooot I'll be honest when she stood up I didn't notice anything as she was mostly obscured by the pram I was hiding behind!

OP posts:
Bimblybomeyelash · 22/02/2022 20:54

Baby snatching gangs?! If this was really a thing I’m pretty sure that it would be front page news.

MellaY · 22/02/2022 20:56

I do find it odd that we were both women, alone with a baby.

I dont really use my pram ( this was the 2nd time in the past 4 months) as I favour my carrier. Today has put me off using it even more as I'd much rather him safely strapped to me than ' snatchable' in his pram. I'm definitely overreacting a tad there I know, but it was a very weird thing to have happen and then hear about!

OP posts:
ABitBesotted · 22/02/2022 20:58

She was probably just deeply unwell. Unsettling but not a criminal.

NETSRIK · 22/02/2022 20:59

Report it to 101 as intelligence. Then you know it has been recorded and the police will be able to see if they have heard of similar incidents

WonderfulYou · 22/02/2022 21:11

I’ve not heard of any gangs snatching babies and women who snatch babies are extremely rare!

If she was pregnant she was most probably watching the babies as she’s maternal or she’s questioning whether to keep hers etc.

However we have a gut instinct for a reason and out of everyone you saw she made you feel uncomfortable. Not only that but she made someone else feel uncomfortable too.

I would say report it to put your mind at rest but I’m not sure what they would/could actually do!

WonderfulYou · 22/02/2022 21:12

If you’re ever in that situation again I would probably let the staff know.
They can keep an eye on her behaviour with you but also if she comes in again they’ll notice her straight away.

Icecreamandapplepie · 22/02/2022 21:14

Maybe she just really likes babies?

The fact you've noticed alot round town before you had LO is reassuring tbh. She's not some out of town baby stealer is she?

If she was, she'd be alot more subtle than that!

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