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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To call the police over someone staring?

114 replies

MellaY · 22/02/2022 20:13

Hear me out!

I took my 6 month old LB into town today with my BIL and niece. He needed to run an errand before we went for a shop and my little boy needed a feed so my niece and BIL left me at a coffee shop so I could park up and feed my lb.

A lady who I have seen before locally (I dont know her personally) was watching my lb and myself really intently as I walked in but I didn't think too much of it. I ordered my coffee and sat down at a table directly across from where she was sat as it was the only place where the chairs didn't have arm rests ( I'm ebf so they get in the way of my little boys legs). I had my lb out of the pram and was almost ready to feed him when I realised she was still staring at me. She never looked away- not even when we made eye contact with one and other. It wasn't subtle at all and made me feel really uneasy and I was deeply unsettled so I moved to a different spot with my little boy that I had avoided due to it being an awkward chair to feed in. She was still watching me in our new spot ( baring in mind I hadn't started feeding and she couldn't have seen anything like a breast/ nipple- not that that would be an excuse to stare unblinkingly at someone!). I ended up blocking her vision with my pram but could still see she had her head turned towards us.

My little boy had finished his feed and I was enjoying my coffee when she walked past us to go to the loo. She pointedly turned her head to stare at us as she walked by and only stopped looking when she had physically gone too far to be able to turn her head enough to see us. She left and my BIL came back and I told him about the weirdness of what had just happened.

Scrolling through Facebook I noticed someone else who has been in town today (not someone I know) had posted about a lady of the same description following her and her young baby out of the bus station. I messaged the lady to tell her about my experience with what I thought was the same woman. Apparently this woman had been on the same bus as her and followed her, complimented her on her 'beautiful' baby and was getting herself very close to the pram (the lady with the baby told her to go away). She continued to follow her until she was again told to stop and leave them both alone. This lady also noticed she appeared to be pregnant but with an almost too perfect looking baby bump (which lady with baby suspected may have been fake). Shes been reported to the police by this woman as her social worker (fostering) suggested it may have been related to gangs trying to snatch babies Shock and she has suggested I also report how she was behaving in the coffee shop.

It feels weirdly reminiscent of a bit too many crime dramas/ true crime shows where women have faked pregnancies then snatched babies. The thought of someone with a baby meeting this woman in with no one around makes me feel a bit sick.

I feel like I should report her as the experience of this other woman has turned what happened to me today from something a bit unnerving to something that now feels very sinister. I do feel like I'm going to sound like a mad woman calling the police to report someone for looking at me funny though!

I hope this makes sense as I'm rubbish at being concise.

OP posts:
PossiblyDreaming · 22/02/2022 21:14

Gangs going round snatching babies? You’d have thought the news might have mentioned it if that had happened at any time in the recent past in this country.

Original poster
MellaY · 22/02/2022 21:16

@WonderfulYou

I’ve not heard of any gangs snatching babies and women who snatch babies are extremely rare!

If she was pregnant she was most probably watching the babies as she’s maternal or she’s questioning whether to keep hers etc.

However we have a gut instinct for a reason and out of everyone you saw she made you feel uncomfortable. Not only that but she made someone else feel uncomfortable too.

I would say report it to put your mind at rest but I’m not sure what they would/could actually do!

I definitely watch too much true crime. My mum keeps telling me it will give me a very dim and suspicious view of the world and shes probably right Confused

It did go beyond watching though- she didnt look at anything else at all whilst I was where she could see me!

OP posts:
Sadandfedup2 · 22/02/2022 21:20

This sounds really scary OP. I'd definitely report. Would you be willing to say what part of the country you are in?

UserWithNoUserName · 22/02/2022 21:21

I don't recall ever hearing of baby snatcher gangs, child kidnap in general is pretty rare and normally done by non-residential parents.

You can make your own mind up about reporting it, although it doesn't sound like any crime was committed.

Sounds pretty unnerving though, whatever the cause!

Original poster
MellaY · 22/02/2022 21:26

@Sadandfedup2

Wakefield, West Yorkshire

OP posts:
AutomaticMoon · 22/02/2022 21:28

Apparently there were warnings in 2020

www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/news/uk-news/baby-snatch-gang-warning-after-18990533

NumberTheory · 22/02/2022 21:28

@Georgeskitchen

At the first few lines I thought you were being paranoid , then I read on. I would ask the other lady details of who in the police they spoke to, so you can contact the same person with your story , and will not be dismissed as an over protective mother. It all sounds a bit strange and it may be quite innocent.......or it may not!!
^^ This.

The police can't necessarily do anything with a report of a woman staring. And a woman staring intensely at a mother with a baby isn't necessarily thinking about taking it! But if this woman does end up being one of the very rare women who try to take a baby, it may give the police more leads that will help track her down.

The baby snatching gangs comment from the social worker sounds very far-fetched, though.

UserWithNoUserName · 22/02/2022 21:30

AutomaticMoon, the police later said they had reviewed CCTV and other evidence and found nothing to back up the claims:

www.cheshire-live.co.uk/news/chester-cheshire-news/update-crewe-tk-maxx-baby-19035677

Franklyfrost · 22/02/2022 21:33

I’d mention it to the local police. In smaller areas they are often are familiar with local ‘characters’ and will be able to pass a message along either to an authority (mental health/ social work) that deals with them or pay a visit.

I reported something similar (something sinister but not illegal) to my local police and they knew immediately who I was talking about and got someone to check on them. The person I reported had carers who were glad to be informed that the persons behaviour was becoming more erratic. I reported it partly because it scared me but also because if an aggressive person was met with the same behaviour they might have attacked this vulnerable individual.

Suzi888 · 22/02/2022 21:33

YANBU and the cafe would have CCTV. She may be known to the police.
If she is just incredibly rude and stares then no real harm done, if she’s up to no good then you’ve done your bit.

k1233 · 22/02/2022 21:42

Ok, I thought you were over reacting but if someone else has had a more serious encounter with her, then I'd report so the police can get a fuller picture. In my mind, it would be helpful to report using the same reference number or referring to that number to allow the incidents to be linked.

I'm saying this due to something that happened to me. I'd been shopping one evening, walking back to my car. I'm very, very alert to people around me. For some reason I looked around and a man was silently coming up behind me. He hadn't been on the travellator to the car park or visible when I walked out. Once I noticed him he walked a different way. It scared the beejeezes out of me and I jumped in the car and locked the doors. I didn't report it as I thought I was being silly. Turns out I wasn't. A number of women had been attacked in that car park in the exact same situation (down to my small car being parked next to a big car). He always came up behind them and pushed them to the ground between the vehicles. I only heard about it a couple of days after it happened and by then details were hazy. If I'd known I could have reported immediately and hopefully helped find the bastard.

So I think it doesn't hurt to call, say you've heard of a similar situation and wanted your encounter noted in case something worse happens.

BoredZelda · 22/02/2022 21:44

Apparently there were warnings in 2020

Well, not really. Police were trying to contact someone who made the claim on facebook. Given this apparently happened but the woman didnt contact the police, I think we can take it with a pinch of salt, really.

BoredZelda · 22/02/2022 21:45

the police later said they had reviewed CCTV and other evidence and found nothing to back up the claims

Quelle surprise.

Original poster
MellaY · 22/02/2022 21:50

@k1233

Ok, I thought you were over reacting but if someone else has had a more serious encounter with her, then I'd report so the police can get a fuller picture. In my mind, it would be helpful to report using the same reference number or referring to that number to allow the incidents to be linked.

I'm saying this due to something that happened to me. I'd been shopping one evening, walking back to my car. I'm very, very alert to people around me. For some reason I looked around and a man was silently coming up behind me. He hadn't been on the travellator to the car park or visible when I walked out. Once I noticed him he walked a different way. It scared the beejeezes out of me and I jumped in the car and locked the doors. I didn't report it as I thought I was being silly. Turns out I wasn't. A number of women had been attacked in that car park in the exact same situation (down to my small car being parked next to a big car). He always came up behind them and pushed them to the ground between the vehicles. I only heard about it a couple of days after it happened and by then details were hazy. If I'd known I could have reported immediately and hopefully helped find the bastard.

So I think it doesn't hurt to call, say you've heard of a similar situation and wanted your encounter noted in case something worse happens.

I had a very similar experience whilst travelling alone a few years ago which has probably made me more suspicious and cautious about odd behaviour. I was travelling and was followed from a busy city centre right to the door of my floor in the hostel that was off the main square (Prague). It took everything in me not to run as he knew he would have stared to chase me. I never heard of anything happening whilst I was there but I think I cried for an hour to my mum on the phone I was that scared. I can still remember what he was wearing and looked like!
OP posts:
Pfbing · 22/02/2022 22:34

I'd report to 101. I was creeped out reading your post as I'm a mum to a 6MO DD and I wouldn't have liked this! Got even more creeped out when I read its wakefield! I'm in town with DD on my own all the time!

Original poster
MellaY · 22/02/2022 22:43

@Pfbing I'm happy to DM you with a bit of a description if that helps ease your mind? She always wears very similar clothing and is quite noticable with a couple of defining features (even in the town of oddballs that is shakey wakey!)

OP posts:
Pfbing · 22/02/2022 22:48

@MellaY yes please that would be helpful! Good old shakey wakey ey!

TabithaTittlemouse · 22/02/2022 22:53

As the other woman has already reported it I think I would contact the police just to make them aware. I doubt anything will come of it but it’s better to make them aware that you had a similar experience.

ABCeasyasdohrayme · 22/02/2022 23:07

I wouldn't report this.

Make a note of it, and if any baby snatching goes on then you can report it.

I would just think she's just broody and anticipating the birth of her baby. Maybe wants to make 'mum friends' and is very awkward in doing so. Who knows, all she did was look at a couple of babies, and walk in the same direction of someone else, and buggered off when she was asked to.

KrisAkabusi · 22/02/2022 23:09

Ok, I thought you were over reacting but if someone else has had a more serious encounter with her, then I'd report so the police can get a fuller picture.

The "more serious encounter" included a description of her as having a too-perfect baby bump, so I don't think I'd give it much weight.

Ramalamadingdongs · 22/02/2022 23:19

Mumsnet is obsessed with "logging" things with 101. That's not a thing. You can't just log things with 101. Staring at people isn't a crime, nor is being a bit weird.

Mummy1608 · 22/02/2022 23:29

@ABCeasyasdohrayme

I wouldn't report this.

Make a note of it, and if any baby snatching goes on then you can report it.

I would just think she's just broody and anticipating the birth of her baby. Maybe wants to make 'mum friends' and is very awkward in doing so. Who knows, all she did was look at a couple of babies, and walk in the same direction of someone else, and buggered off when she was asked to.

I agree with this on balance although I understand why you were uncomfortable op.

Another distinct possibility (the most likely in my view) is she was staring at you pointedly/judgementally for some parenting thing she disapproved of.
Eg
-she disapproves of BF in public
-she thought you were too strict/lenient/whatever with your dc
-she didn't approve of what dc was wearing eg too hot/cold/modern
-she disapproved of a snack you gave dc.

I've had so many judgemental glares from other women while out and about for random things. I've even thrown the odd judgemental glare myself, not proud but there it is. I'm not a baby snatcher

Kona84 · 22/02/2022 23:30

@MellaY please can you message me more details.
I’m in Wakefield and have a 4 month old would be nice to know what to look out for

WonderfulYou · 22/02/2022 23:30

Mumsnet is obsessed with "logging" things with 101. That's not a thing. You can't just log things with 101

You can log things online with 101 and it will log it onto your local police department. It’s for things that aren’t an emergency.

TabithaTittlemouse · 22/02/2022 23:37

@Ramalamadingdongs

Mumsnet is obsessed with "logging" things with 101. That's not a thing. You can't just log things with 101. Staring at people isn't a crime, nor is being a bit weird.
I think you mean ‘mumsnet is obsessed by saying “logging” something isn’t a thing’.

You can report information about possible criminal activity in your area to 101 or by filling in an online form (not available in all areas).

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