To call the police over someone staring?

[MellaY]

Hear me out!

I took my 6 month old LB into town today with my BIL and niece. He needed to run an errand before we went for a shop and my little boy needed a feed so my niece and BIL left me at a coffee shop so I could park up and feed my lb.

A lady who I have seen before locally (I dont know her personally) was watching my lb and myself really intently as I walked in but I didn't think too much of it. I ordered my coffee and sat down at a table directly across from where she was sat as it was the only place where the chairs didn't have arm rests ( I'm ebf so they get in the way of my little boys legs). I had my lb out of the pram and was almost ready to feed him when I realised she was still staring at me. She never looked away- not even when we made eye contact with one and other. It wasn't subtle at all and made me feel really uneasy and I was deeply unsettled so I moved to a different spot with my little boy that I had avoided due to it being an awkward chair to feed in. She was still watching me in our new spot ( baring in mind I hadn't started feeding and she couldn't have seen anything like a breast/ nipple- not that that would be an excuse to stare unblinkingly at someone!). I ended up blocking her vision with my pram but could still see she had her head turned towards us.

My little boy had finished his feed and I was enjoying my coffee when she walked past us to go to the loo. She pointedly turned her head to stare at us as she walked by and only stopped looking when she had physically gone too far to be able to turn her head enough to see us. She left and my BIL came back and I told him about the weirdness of what had just happened.

Scrolling through Facebook I noticed someone else who has been in town today (not someone I know) had posted about a lady of the same description following her and her young baby out of the bus station. I messaged the lady to tell her about my experience with what I thought was the same woman. Apparently this woman had been on the same bus as her and followed her, complimented her on her 'beautiful' baby and was getting herself very close to the pram (the lady with the baby told her to go away). She continued to follow her until she was again told to stop and leave them both alone. This lady also noticed she appeared to be pregnant but with an almost too perfect looking baby bump (which lady with baby suspected may have been fake). Shes been reported to the police by this woman as her social worker (fostering) suggested it may have been related to gangs trying to snatch babies and she has suggested I also report how she was behaving in the coffee shop.

It feels weirdly reminiscent of a bit too many crime dramas/ true crime shows where women have faked pregnancies then snatched babies. The thought of someone with a baby meeting this woman in with no one around makes me feel a bit sick.

I feel like I should report her as the experience of this other woman has turned what happened to me today from something a bit unnerving to something that now feels very sinister. I do feel like I'm going to sound like a mad woman calling the police to report someone for looking at me funny though!

I hope this makes sense as I'm rubbish at being concise.

so in summary:

• someone looked at you funny out in public
• you read a tale on FB which you assumed to be both true and the same woman but without any picture etc for evidence

You watch too much crime tv.

@Ramalamadingdongs

*Mumsnet is obsessed with "logging" things with 101. That's not a thing. You can't just log things with 101

You can log things online with 101 and it will log it onto your local police department. It’s for things that aren’t an emergency.*

Yes. Crimes. What crime has this woman committed?

You can use 101 or go into a police station personally with reports of suspicious activity. This will go down as 'intelligence ' and is carefully monitored. I work for the police and deal with such reports.

[quote MellaY]@Pfbing I'm happy to DM you with a bit of a description if that helps ease your mind? She always wears very similar clothing and is quite noticable with a couple of defining features (even in the town of oddballs that is shakey wakey!)[/quote]
Hi, I am in Wakefield.

I think I know who you mean. Though I have never seen her with a baby bump. Are you sure the other person did add that in to add a bit of drama?

This woman is quite well known around the bus station. And from what, I understand, has learning difficulties but is not dangerous or stealing babies.

I think I know who you mean. Though I have never seen her with a baby bump. Are you sure the other person did add that in to add a bit of drama?

Sounds like she has a budding career as a pot-boiler trashy novelist. Baby snatching gangs in Wakefield? Because that's all over the news. She probably believes all the 'car seats by the road' and 'sniff this perfume / kidnapping' stories as well.

To all the posters saying you're making a big deal out of nothing and you can't just report someone for staring.. op was feeling uncomfortable. She has every right to report it as she doesn't know the woman and it sounds very intimidating. There's a few different ways to stare. Sometimes someone will throw a few glances your way if they are watching you and look away if they don't want to be caught, sometimes someone will want you know and make it obvious and then there's this.. totally different.. staring at you very intensely, not letting you out of their sight, like a threat. Op, you have no idea what the woman's intentions are and after finding out about the other woman's experience being followed, I would definitely report it. What happened to peoples common sense, stranger danger and reporting any suspicious or strange behaviour within your community? If the situation was different for example, op was completely alone and it was a man doing this, you'd all be saying report it. Don't downplay and minimise op's experience with this woman and kidnapping, it does happen. I forgot women can do no wrong in society though and everyone thinks we're angels or something.

I also have found the FB post. Honestly, I wouldn't be having much to do with the person who posted the warning either.

The whole 'let's have her caught' when she hasn't actually done anything illegal, feels really off.

If you have genuine concern then speak to the police. But the FB posts stinks of someone trying to start a witch hunt.

Social workers wouldn’t have warned about gangs snatching babies as that isn’t a thing.

You most probably had an uncomfortable experience with someone with a learning disability or mental health problem. Most very socially unaware behaviour comes down to one or the other or both.

And yes Didydani posters might react differently if it was a man as they are much better known for their predatory behaviour. Women are much more vulnerable to assaults from men which reflects reality not sexism.

My first thought would honestly be that she either has additional needs or unwell.

If it is a person with learning disabilities/mental health issues I wouldn't put stuff online about her being predatory.

She might be harmless, but not know it is inappropriate to stare.

If people thinks she is a predator, this might make an already vulnerable person even more vulnerable

@ShittyFingers

So she should just get away with it??

Another way to deal with it would be to get your phone out and start taking photos of her. If she says anything tell her you are taking photos of the person staring at you incase you need to pass a description on to the police.

Get away with what, exactly? Looking at someone?

I agree with what a few others have said - this is a pretty textbook description of someone who simply lacks social skills for one reason or another, is intensely fascinated by babies, and doesn't understand normal social cues or realise that she's making people uncomfortable.

OP, I completely understand why you found it weird and unnerving - I would too! - but no crime has been committed here and all this scaremongering about baby-snatchers is just the usual Facebook rumour mill cranking up into action.

stinks of someone trying to start a witch hunt

"Witch hunt" is the expression that came to my mind too. A woman on her own, behaving oddly, looked at me funny... let's hunt her down.

op was feeling uncomfortable

I feel very uncomfortable when someone sits at the adjacent table to mine in an otherwise empty cafe, but I don't phone the police about it, just like I don't phone the police when someone starts talking to themselves on the bus or eating their own bogeys in the queue at Tesco, or standing in the city centre shouting through a loudhailer about the second coming of Christ. All those things make me uncomfortable and nervous. None of them are crimes and my discomfort is my own issue to deal with.

If the woman had touched the OP, or threatened her, or used offensive language, or was stalking her, then sure, that's something she should report. But 'feeling uncomfortable' about someone is a sign to get up and move away or say 'Please stop staring at me, it's rude and I don't like it'. It is not a sign to phone the police or suggest on Facebook that they are akin to The Child Catcher.

That does sounds unsettling, report if it would put your mind at rest. If someone was was staring at me like that I think I would have got my phone out and started filming them, they probably would have stopped.

@MellaY
The person who placed the social
Media post has now updated it with your story and pasted on a few of the neighbourhood pages
(I live in wakefield and I follow most of them)

This woman is quite well known around the bus station. And from what, I understand, has learning difficulties but is not dangerous or stealing babies

I feel sorry for her. Did you know she had learning difficulties when you posted this, OP?

What’s the betting this thread gets picked up by the Mail or the Jeremy Vine Show?

Then the fictional baby snatching gang of Wakefield will become a thing.

Stop the witch hunt for goodness sake!

Course it will.

Along with the dog whistle-esque FB post.

Which oddly say this lady was possibly pregnant. But the person then told the op she saw her bump well enough to note it was too perfect. So didn't see well enough or the bump wasn't big enough to tell if she was pregnant. But also saw the bump well enough to suggest it was fake?

When someone stares at you the best thing is to get your phone out and start recording them. If they're up to no good they usually back off because they don't want their face recorded.

To be honest it sounds like she's just some local person with mental health problems, for the most part they're not dangerous, just unsettling.

@ABitBesotted

She was probably just deeply unwell. Unsettling but not a criminal.

This.

You can call the police about staring. There are posters on the tube about that very thing!

I was looking at too very cute babies in a coffee shop yesterday. Hope the mums didn't think I was a complete psycho!

Screams mental health/ additional needs to me

The post on social media is asking everyone who sees her to phone the police and 'let's get her caught'

She hasn't committed an offence at this stage.

This thread upsets me the more I think about it.
Even IF the woman had a "fake pregnancy bump" that's also not a crime and doesn't hurt anyone else. I can imagine being driven to half-mad despair if I had diagnosed infertility say. Maybe she can't have a baby so she's obsessed with babies and stares at other babies/mothers sometimes.

Besides, so she made you uncomfortable. Lots of things make us uncomfortable - for example, I'm a bit uncomfortable when I'm with someone with tourette's- I'm not proud of it, 100% my problem to deal with not theirs. This is arguably an equivalent situation