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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To call the police over someone staring?

114 replies

MellaY · 22/02/2022 20:13

Hear me out!

I took my 6 month old LB into town today with my BIL and niece. He needed to run an errand before we went for a shop and my little boy needed a feed so my niece and BIL left me at a coffee shop so I could park up and feed my lb.

A lady who I have seen before locally (I dont know her personally) was watching my lb and myself really intently as I walked in but I didn't think too much of it. I ordered my coffee and sat down at a table directly across from where she was sat as it was the only place where the chairs didn't have arm rests ( I'm ebf so they get in the way of my little boys legs). I had my lb out of the pram and was almost ready to feed him when I realised she was still staring at me. She never looked away- not even when we made eye contact with one and other. It wasn't subtle at all and made me feel really uneasy and I was deeply unsettled so I moved to a different spot with my little boy that I had avoided due to it being an awkward chair to feed in. She was still watching me in our new spot ( baring in mind I hadn't started feeding and she couldn't have seen anything like a breast/ nipple- not that that would be an excuse to stare unblinkingly at someone!). I ended up blocking her vision with my pram but could still see she had her head turned towards us.

My little boy had finished his feed and I was enjoying my coffee when she walked past us to go to the loo. She pointedly turned her head to stare at us as she walked by and only stopped looking when she had physically gone too far to be able to turn her head enough to see us. She left and my BIL came back and I told him about the weirdness of what had just happened.

Scrolling through Facebook I noticed someone else who has been in town today (not someone I know) had posted about a lady of the same description following her and her young baby out of the bus station. I messaged the lady to tell her about my experience with what I thought was the same woman. Apparently this woman had been on the same bus as her and followed her, complimented her on her 'beautiful' baby and was getting herself very close to the pram (the lady with the baby told her to go away). She continued to follow her until she was again told to stop and leave them both alone. This lady also noticed she appeared to be pregnant but with an almost too perfect looking baby bump (which lady with baby suspected may have been fake). Shes been reported to the police by this woman as her social worker (fostering) suggested it may have been related to gangs trying to snatch babies and she has suggested I also report how she was behaving in the coffee shop.

It feels weirdly reminiscent of a bit too many crime dramas/ true crime shows where women have faked pregnancies then snatched babies. The thought of someone with a baby meeting this woman in with no one around makes me feel a bit sick.

I feel like I should report her as the experience of this other woman has turned what happened to me today from something a bit unnerving to something that now feels very sinister. I do feel like I'm going to sound like a mad woman calling the police to report someone for looking at me funny though!

I hope this makes sense as I'm rubbish at being concise.

OP posts:

RedHelenB · 23/02/2022 06:48

She's got an obvious interest in how people are coping with babies if she's pregnant. Probably doesn't realise she's staring. You are being unreasonable, a cat may look at a Queen as they say and the police are busy enough as it is with ACTUAL crimes.

uggmum · 23/02/2022 07:12

I am always sceptical about posts that people add to social media about baby snatching. These posts go the rounds all the time.

I'm not convinced at all in the truthfulness of it. Especially the fake baby bump. People add attention seeking social media posts all the time. The fact that you had this experience is probably a coincidence.

Obviously, your experience is true and this woman's behaviour is odd but she could well have additional needs or a mental illness.

I wouldn't link the two events together as the same person.

As you say, you've seen this woman around the local area on a regular basis if she was targeting mothers to snatch babies I would have thought you would have heard about it before.

OinkyO · 23/02/2022 07:40

I would. Not as a crime but it will help them build a bigger picture.

ShittyFingers · 23/02/2022 07:47

You should have shouted something like “what are you gawping at??? Fuck off and leave us alone, silly bastard”

It would put her off continuing this stupid behaviour.

ABitBesotted · 23/02/2022 07:55

@ShittyFingers

You should have shouted something like “what are you gawping at??? Fuck off and leave us alone, silly bastard”

It would put her off continuing this stupid behaviour.

Definitely. This country needs more emotionally incontinent yobs yelling obscenities at strangers.

OinkyO · 23/02/2022 08:01

@ShittyFingers

You should have shouted something like “what are you gawping at??? Fuck off and leave us alone, silly bastard”

It would put her off continuing this stupid behaviour.

Not sure that would help tbh

Obviouspretzel · 23/02/2022 08:06

Excuse me, police please. I'd like to report a woman looking at me.

Ridiculous. There are loads of posts circulating at the moment about baby snatching gangs. Invariably they are 'foreign'. This is another one of the circumstances on mumsnet where someone wants to call the police to report literally nothing happening. Sorry that you felt unnerved by it, I understand that, but there's no story here.

ShittyFingers · 23/02/2022 08:07

So she should just get away with it??

Another way to deal with it would be to get your phone out and start taking photos of her. If she says anything tell her you are taking photos of the person staring at you incase you need to pass a description on to the police.

PigeonLittle · 23/02/2022 08:09

@TabithaTittlemouse

As the other woman has already reported it I think I would contact the police just to make them aware. I doubt anything will come of it but it’s better to make them aware that you had a similar experience.

I agree with this. On it's own no, but as a professional advised the other woman to report it I would just confirm similar happened to me.

Seraphinesupport · 23/02/2022 08:13

I had the same thing happen when my son was about 8 weeks old, lady followed me around sainsburys and then sat in the cafe staring at us, i was too scared to walk home in case she followed so phoned a taxi even though my house was literally over the road, had to tell the taxi that i would give extra for short journey and explained why i wanted to get the taxi.

SugarAndCoffee · 23/02/2022 08:15

@ShittyFingers

So she should just get away with it??

Yes something like that but I wouldn't confront them in case it made them stalk me more.

Obviouspretzel · 23/02/2022 08:17

@ShittyFingers

So she should just get away with it??

Get away with what? She stared at a woman. What are the police going to do about that?

Agree, if you don't like it (and who would blame you) then you need to do something like take photos, or say something to them. Honestly, imagine ringing the police to say that earlier in the day, a woman was staring at you in a cafe. Then they go, oh ok, do you know who it was? You go, no sorry. But I think she might have been thinking about stealing my baby.

Justilou1 · 23/02/2022 08:20

Seriously, listen to your intuition. There was something very ick about this woman. Trust yourself and call the police.

knittingaddict · 23/02/2022 08:26

@Bimblybomeyelash

Baby snatching gangs?! If this was really a thing I’m pretty sure that it would be front page news.

I thought the same thing. There are gangs that snatch babies?

MRex · 23/02/2022 08:26

Contact the community support officers for the town, it's useful for them to piece together if something might be going on. It's 10 minutes of their time, no harm and could help.

knittingaddict · 23/02/2022 08:30

Op, I'm an avid true crime fan, but I still don't think baby snatching gangs are a thing. Certainly not common.

Chillyjam · 23/02/2022 08:36

She could be pregnant and just had terrible news, baby incompatible with life and is thinking about what life could have been.

redbigbananafeet · 23/02/2022 09:39

@ShittyFingers

So she should just get away with it??

Get away with what? That's a genuine question.

ButtercupOfFlorin · 23/02/2022 09:43

What do you expect the police to do about a woman staring?

I think re your contact with the other woman, this is what happens when previous people wind up other precious, they start weird talk off ‘too perfect baby bumps’ (WTF) and such nonsense. Also ridiculous of your SW to suggest kidnapping gangs are operating. Pretty sure that isn’t happening. TBH your post sounds like an amalgamation of ridiculous urban myths designed to scare people

ButtercupOfFlorin · 23/02/2022 09:44

I hasten many of you never to go to rural France. I have family there and the staring is off the scale, but you get used to it.

RedHelenB · 23/02/2022 09:45

@WonderfulYou

Mumsnet is obsessed with "logging" things with 101. That's not a thing. You can't just log things with 101

You can log things online with 101 and it will log it onto your local police department. It’s for things that aren’t an emergency.

It's for crimes that aren't an emergency. Staring is not a crime.

ButtercupOfFlorin · 23/02/2022 09:46

Oh I do apologise I thought it was you who’d fostered a baby - if it was the other woman then yes there are safeguarding issues because birth families can very occasionally be known to try and track down their children. But staring is not a crime, it’s just a bit rude

Ramalamadingdongs · 23/02/2022 10:32

*Mumsnet is obsessed with "logging" things with 101. That's not a thing. You can't just log things with 101

You can log things online with 101 and it will log it onto your local police department. It’s for things that aren’t an emergency.*

Yes. Crimes. What crime has this woman committed?

newnameforthis76 · 23/02/2022 11:05

If she was part of some kind of baby snatching gang (which isn’t a thing, anyway) she wouldn’t be that bloody obvious about it.

This is very clearly someone who has zero social skills or understanding of normal interaction with strangers. There is a woman who lives near my mum who is absolutely obsessed with certain cars and will stand staring at them on people’s drives, try to talk to people about their cars endlessly in a really nosy way, and stands way too close while she does it. She’s autistic and I think has additional learning disabilities and can’t actually drive herself, but her sister told my mum that she constantly buys car accessories. I think this woman you’re describing is exactly like that, but with babies. Harmless but clueless and doesn’t understand why her behaviour is unnerving or intrusive.

DameHelena · 23/02/2022 11:09

@WhoAre

Hello!

I work for the police and would say to fill out an online form if your force area has one. They most likely won't follow up with the information you've given above but can log it as sus circs and it might link to crimes or other reports of this nature.

Definitely report it though, always best to be safe

This would seem to be excellent advice from a good source. I'd feel suspicious too, OP, not just of her behaviour but the other woman's similar experience too.

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