Why do people from poorer backgrounds have low aspirations

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I may not be explaining myself well here so please bear with me!

I've seen on here a few times where it's been mentioned that people from poorer backgrounds / deprived areas don't have higher aspirations. It seems they can do better but don't.

Just wondering why this is and what would help to change it.

Reason I'm asking is I'm from a por background and I still am. I don't want this for my kids but don't know how or what to do to change it.

In primary school I had a teacher tell me I was "University material" and when I went home an excitedly told my mum, she sneered, "Who do you think will pay for that?"

That's the norm, I think, in poor families. That bitter, defeated attitude. It's rare that a poor parent would respond with, "Great, maybe that teacher knows of some scholarships!"

Also I just didn't know anyone who was a solicitor or barrister. I thought they must live in Valhalla, living rarefied lives, with perfect confidence. So I knew I was smart, but wasted a lot of time before qualifying because I just thought it wasn't for me.

Also when your kids realise what they like don’t talk then out of it. Just help them think about it. I got help to get to uni but less for what to do after.

A fair amount of time, very smart people from impoverished backgrounds or deprived areas don't have the resources to cope with the trauma they carry with them. They don't have the network of people to write letters of introduction for internships or special programmes.

Define success?
Doing well at school does not equal happiness.
It just gives you better opportunities to make your own choices.

I grew up poor. My parents valued education cos they didn't get in to grammar school and had to leave school at 15, which they bitterly resented. My mum later went and did an a level though. If anything, they thought education was a magic bullet. But it isn't.
The only jobs you know are ones with an actual name eg teacher, so if you don't fancy those, what do you do?

@HotSauceCommittee

Social mobility is at an all time low. Uni fees are too much for some MC families to afford, so higher education will seem like an impossibility for lots, especially if parents haven't considered it for their children.

Also, kids with professional or middle class parents have a massive advantage not just from schools and cultural experience but from networks, old school tie, Mum and Dad get them work interviews or internships. Patterns of social inequality are absolutely ingrained in the UK, and nothing is happening currently that is likely to change that.

@Macademiamum I agree

@thegreenlight as I’m sure you know, social mobility is also a complicated internal process which often means distancing oneself from the secure base of family , friends, familiar geography to move among another social group, where acceptance is not always guaranteed. It’s tough and without a lot of drive or help from “insiders “ most won’t manage it, or even want to try.

It's a vicious cycle - lack of education/general knowledge in the parents gets passed down to the children.

A strange chip on their shoulder about telling their children not to aim high - it's not for the likes of us / who do you think you are / why would you want to go to university?

A lack of respect for the value of education and for teaching staff / acceptance of poor behaviour.

@MintJulia

I grew up in a large family with df on minimum wage (and a gambling habit) and dm working part time.

They were of an age where boys were meant to do well and girls were completely irrelevant so no point wasting time educating them. Their ambitions for their daughters were to work in an office rather than a factory. As what didn't matter, just a regular wage.

Thankfully we had a dedicated primary school teacher who pushed for us to take the 11+. We all got into grammar school, and achieved decent careers.

But it sums up what some families are like, and what some children are up against. It infuriated my df that I went to university when he hadn't. He resented it and tried to block it. And when my dm discovered years later that I earned more than my db, she was equally upset, as if it was an insult to the male.

Family attitudes and bigotry can do lasting damage

This is hilarious similar in my family.

The girls weren't expected to do much and all the hope's rested on the boys- but the boys were always allowed out to play and mess around, while we had to stay at home and do housework.

As you can guess that was a great motivator to work my arse off and get out of the situation. Obviously the girls did much better because we had less distractions and the motivation to get out, whereas the boys just messed around and didn't do any school work.

Eventually my brother went into teaching and is now doing well.

Education (family support, being at a good state school)

Peers

Family support

Inverse snobbery

History of family members achieving educational/employment success

Lack of extracurricular opportunities

All makes for the perfect storm.

Much more needs to be done. It’s not right that by fortune or misfortune if your birthplace, or familiar background etc your future is pretty much set in stone unless you are very fortunate to have “that” teacher who saw the potential in you.

"'He's not going to university' and looked at me like I had 2 heads. To her university is for stuck up people and not people like them. It's a hard mindset to change and echos through the generations."

I had a friend whose mother was against her going to university for two reasons, 1 the father was successful without it (this forgets that different generations have different requirements for jobs) and 2 that a local boy had studied English and then got a job in the supermarket or something. 2 forgets the difference between different kinds of degrees and also the inherent value of education, not only as something to lead to making more money.

You only have to glance at the threads on here asking about private schools or recommendations on local Facebook pages to see why some kids are destined to fair better than others. We live in an unequal society. If I had the money I would definitely send my children to a good private school. I don’t think it’s lack of aspiration it’s lack of opportunity. Mine haven’t even set foot on a plane yet.

Standing out takes a great deal of courage, staying in to do homework when your pals are out has always been hard.

Completely agree with this. It's whether kids can buy into delayed gratification. Even from my MC background, this was very clear in our teenage years. Those of us that weren't at every party going achieved better exam results and earning potential, but there were times when it felt very FOMO.

There can be reverse snobbery without people really even realising it; all kinds of little comments about different cultural things that make them sound elite/snobbish/pretentious/not for us/etc - partly out of insecurity/defensiveness perhaps - but children pick up on that, and then don't want to be interested in those things or just don't get exposed to them. There is a very famous historical building in my city, but many children from the deprived areas haven't been there or know anything about it; it is seen as being posh, and therefore looked down on subtly (either by them or by others in their circle), so it makes it hard to change things. And that's all part of the cultural capital, the awareness of opportunities, the broader world, that makes it easier to have high aspirations. It's not necessary, but can make things easier, to just have wider interests and have been exposed to more things that might capture interest.

It’s learned helplessness.

Life is harder when you’re poor, things are stacked against you and you learn to expect to get shat on.
There is no backup plan when you’re poor, you become risk averse (eg fear of debt resulting in not wanting a student loan).

To encourage high aspirations in your children help them to experience success at the things that matter to them and to believe that they can achieve anything they set their mind to, and that you will always love them and be there for them and put a roof over their head if things go wrong.

Do schools play a big part?
They do but the parents play the biggest part. You've heard of Tiger mums and pushy parents. Their children are more likely to succeed. Simply telling your children they can do anything isn't going to make it happen.

Take your children to museums, libraries, science fairs, art galleries. A lot of this is free! And don't fall into the trap that everything has to be magical and child centered and an expensive day trip. Take your children to things and just ask "What do you think of this? What does this make you feel?" Don't ever write off museums and art galleries as boring.
This kind of thing.
Make everything you do an opportunity to teach them something. How it works, where it comes from. Don't just mention a country, get the map out and show them where it is in relation to where they are.
If they pick up a book about a tractor, or an artist, use it to teach them more about farming on the artist's work. Never miss an opportunity to explain more about the most mundane things.
It's hard work but you end up with children who are curious and knowledgable.
If you aren't good on maths and science brush up so you can do fun sciency stuff together.

Lack of role models?

Many years ago I worked in one of the poorest areas of London - 30 minute tube journey for me - in an area with very high unemployment.
The students I was working with regarded going to central London as quite unfathomable, some had never been - yet job opportunities far more plentiful and better paid.
Admittedly I used to travel out on the tube thankful I wasn't on the carriages packed like sardines going in the opposite direction, so probably took a bit longer, & if travel costs were an issue, the journey was doable by bus - but it just wasn't an option considered by so many of them who were simply unable to find employment in the immediate local area. I found it incredibly sad.

For me I certainly come from a family of low aspirations however I wanted things & knew I had to work to buy things. If I wanted good money I needed a good job so worked dam hard to get to where I am now.
I didn't want to be skint like my parents.
They never really parented me.

I'm abysmal at making friends.

I spent my childhood not getting to know people and certainly never having anyone back to our chaotic home because of the stigma of alcoholism.

Nobody would ever know that I've had periods of homelessness as a child and was effectively the functional adult at a very young age.

This has had a huge impact on me.

My 'working poor' parents were so constantly depressed about the 90's recession and moaning about it all the time and being so doom and gloom I honestly thought there was no point trying

I only realised they were wrong when I was about 17 and I've done very well since them

it wouldn't surprise me if some people never realise there's a way out and that its worth it

since then*

IMO sometimes parents don’t encourage their children because they think they’ll ‘get above themselves’ - end up looking down on their parents.

I knew someone like this, who actively discouraged her perfectly capable ds from going to university. It was particularly odd because her dh was degree-educated and in a professional job. She was evidently always all too conscious of her lack of education, but you’d have thought that would make her more determined that her dcs would not be the same.

If your family and all the mates around you don’t do a levels or go to uni then it’s unlikely you will.
Mainly of your family all do low skilled jobs or are not educated, then as a child they won’t have pushed you with school work or seen it as the hugest importance.
Maybe they won’t have taken you to many places as a child such as museums, National trusts to learn about history, theatre, historical places or places of national interest, geographically interesting places, places to explore science or nature.
All of these things spark an interest for learning. Enthusiasm for learning which is nurtured and encouraged, leads to further learning / education and achieving academically.
Encouragement for learning and achievement and putting it as very high importance is paramount. If this is lacking then it will be almost impossible to break out of the cycle.

I also think the idea of university has changed. It's definitely accessible to a lot more people & expected for many plus many jobs want a degree even if it's not required. Getting to university is not necessarily going to help you access excellent jobs.

One thing I think that is sometimes looked down on is trades. One of my neighbours was a plumber & very working class, he's just moved to a 2m plus property. One of my mum friends is married to someone with a family building firm, they are loaded.