Why do people from poorer backgrounds have low aspirations

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I may not be explaining myself well here so please bear with me!

I've seen on here a few times where it's been mentioned that people from poorer backgrounds / deprived areas don't have higher aspirations. It seems they can do better but don't.

Just wondering why this is and what would help to change it.

Reason I'm asking is I'm from a por background and I still am. I don't want this for my kids but don't know how or what to do to change it.

“Oranges are Not The Only Fruit”, or was it “Why be Happy When You Could be Normal?” by Jeanette Winterson, describes her wonderful use of her local library as she grew up. She read the ALL the literature there, A-Z!

Tall poppy syndrome
"Don't get ideas above yourself"
We are all Jock Tamsons bairns

Concepts that should be suffocated

@RidingMyBike

The school library at my secondary school was terrible in terms of book stock (think 1950s novels where the heroine's main aim is to marry a doctor!), but lovely as a safe place to go away from certain kids outside!

Our school library doubled as an English classroom. It was a library in that it was where all the books were stored but we were not allowed to go in there unless we had a scheduled English lesson and we certainly were not allowed to take books home.

@nitsandwormsdodger

My son needs a tutor and specialist sen help to be in level playing field with his peers sometimes I can afford this , often not Right now we are telling him he can be anything he wants but his ability level is 3 years behind, so reality. Is going to hit at some point He wants to live in a mansion so we have mentioned owning a business and working hard. Reality is though he will never own even a tiny flat or have more than basic wage my big aspirations for him is that he is happy with his life and finds love and good health

@nitsandwormsdodger I just wanted to say I really appreciated this post. It's important to recognise everyone's abilities and be respectful of them, whatever they are. It's all very well talking about high flying careers and earning high wages but it can't realistically be possible for more than a certain percentage of the population. Clearly it's important that working class children who have the capabilities have the opportunity to advance their education and career just as those of middle class families. Let's not forget though that happiness/ health and general well being aren't necessarily improved by stellar careers or massive salaries compared to middle range more comfortable wages. Obviously poverty is the problem here and unfortunately that's a massive issue in society that needs fixing, but let's not confuse fulfilment with economic success because they aren't necessarily the same thing for everyone.

I have known a few people from poor backgrounds that have been very successful. The traits I see in them are a mix of:

• super intelligent
• charismatic
• very attractive (one had been a model)
• good communicators
• risk takers

I am from a poor background and way more successful than anyone would have thought. I think I am (or was) a risk taker.

I used to read to escape poverty - I read anything I could get my hands on. It was pure escapism for me.

Yes. It’s called a Kindle. Plus who honestly, genuinely keeps a whole bookcase of books that they read over and over?

Um. Me?
Most of my books are from charity shops; the rest were mostly gifts. I might buy a brand new book a couple of times a year, the vast majority are secondhand.
I do pass some on - bring one, take one shelf in a local cafe or to family or friends - but I also have a couple of bookcases of "old friends" - books I re-read every year or so.

I have a Kobo which I use for borrowing e-books from the library, but I really prefer a physical book.

I do encourage my kids and tell them that they can literally do any job within reason

Within reason???? What can't they become ????????? I would think everything is possible.

@ScrollingLeaves That's because they've been systematically underfunded by successive governments, and the more working class the area, bluntly, the less likely it is to have decent opening hours (or a bevy of willing volunteers who've always fancied "a nice little job in the library", since so many of the paid professional posts have gone). Having said that, I see Hampshire County Council has evidently sacked all of its library managers yet again (they seem to do this every few years) as they've just advertised roles in more or less every public library in the county. A lot of the funding to keep council services going is allocated centrally in the first instance, and there's plenty of evidence in the media that areas that haven't voted for our current government have had their funding cut, and cut, and cut.

When I was growing up our library (Newcastle central) was open until 9pm every weekday (might have closed early on a Wednesday) and then till about 5pm on a Saturday. Where I live now (West Country) our local library, in a large-ish town for the county closes at 5pm Monday to Saturday.

The point about kids not having access to Kindles is a very good one - even the Libby option I mentioned earlier requires a computer of some description to access and a WiFi or phone signal - which all cost money. Some libraries may have loan schemes for iPads and the like, but you still have to pay for the WiFi unless you can find a free service nearby.

@Polyanthus2

I do encourage my kids and tell them that they can literally do any job within reason

Within reason???? What can't they become ????????? I would think everything is possible.

You seriously believe your kid can be PM ?

Plenty can't be achieved either due to lack of physical attributes or intellectual ones.

Or because it's a highly competitive job with few openings and hundreds of thousands of candidates. Not everyone can become an astronaut can they?

Anyone can do a degree and if you're on a low income you get it free - Open University. My DH got a history degree later in life. Ok it took him 7 years studying alongside a full time job but he did it and anyone can. You just have to aspire and want to. He got a far better job half way through and I'm sure it was because of his total determination. Lots of employers look on OU degrees very favourably. You don't need to go to Oxford.

Tell your kids they can be anything they want to be and then help them do it.

@Bryonny84

Anyone can do a degree and if you're on a low income you get it free - Open University. My DH got a history degree later in life. Ok it took him 7 years studying alongside a full time job but he did it and anyone can. You just have to aspire and want to. He got a far better job half way through and I'm sure it was because of his total determination. Lots of employers look on OU degrees very favourably. You don't need to go to Oxford.

Tell your kids they can be anything they want to be and then help them do it.

Did he get a new job related to his history degree?

Anyone can do a degree and if you're on a low income you get it free - Open University

The OU isn't free. An Honours degree is about £19k in total. Not sure what funding your DH got but there are definitely tuition fees.
I went to Birkbeck in the evenings, I chose that over OU as I got practical lab experience (science degree) which OU couldn't offer - but when I was looking at options before starting (around 7 years ago) it most definitely wasn't free to get an OU degree then either.

I was also thinking that the OU isn't free, I don't think it ever has been.
I looked at it once and was surprised at how expensive it was.

OU costs a bloody fortune !
Very very few degrees are actually free. Some post grad like a teach first pgce or a step up 2 social work maybe
But you cannot just go online and do an undergrad in whatever you want for free !!?

And yes anyone can do a degree as nowadays you can get into an undergrad course at a ‘less desirable’ uni with a pass at BTEC and not even having your GCSE maths grade 4 as a minimum

Doesn’t mean that degree then means you will get a fabulous high paid job afterwards

@Blueeyedgirl21 I was looking at SW and it was cheaper to do an full time MA with a government bursary by thousands than do OU.

Another one here who re-reads books over and over. If I don't think I will read it again, I take it to the charity shop. I also often write in the margin of some of my books, little pointers to myself when I re-read it, perhaps a link to another text or my musings on an anecdote. I don't read fiction though, so perhaps that's got something to do with it.

@Blueeyedgirl21

And yes anyone can do a degree as nowadays you can get into an undergrad course at a ‘less desirable’ uni with a pass at BTEC and not even having your GCSE maths grade 4 as a minimum

Doesn’t mean that degree then means you will get a fabulous high paid job afterwards

snobbish comment

@littlebillie. It's true though.

Hard work and I mean true hard work!

My DF had the odds set against him, born into a single parent family in poverty, in rural N Ireland. Left school at 14, was told all the way through school he was stupid & would amount to nothing (I think he’s actually dyslexic but is an extremely smart man). A catholic and suffered discrimination his whole life. Not a recipe for success by any means! He’s now a self made multi millionaire.

Two things he always attributes to his success “Hard work” and “all work, no matter what it is, should be done with pride and to absolute best of your ability”.

He’s in his 70s and will still work 100+ hours a week if need be. Done this most of his life. There are very few people actually willing to this effort in though.

@DinosaurDuvet

Hard work and I mean true hard work!

My DF had the odds set against him, born into a single parent family in poverty, in rural N Ireland. Left school at 14, was told all the way through school he was stupid & would amount to nothing (I think he’s actually dyslexic but is an extremely smart man). A catholic and suffered discrimination his whole life. Not a recipe for success by any means! He’s now a self made multi millionaire.

Two things he always attributes to his success “Hard work” and “all work, no matter what it is, should be done with pride and to absolute best of your ability”.

He’s in his 70s and will still work 100+ hours a week if need be. Done this most of his life. There are very few people actually willing to this effort in though.

But whilst this is on the one hand an example of hard work (sometimes, with some good fortune alongside it) paying off for those who aspire, on the other hand it’s also an example of how things are stacked against the poorest and most disadvantaged and everything they achieve or acquire is just many degrees harder than for most people from more affluent backgrounds: it took your dad working his guts out doing 100-plus hour weeks to achieve what I and many people I know have or will achieve working less than half that and very probably in far less demanding circumstances. It isn’t a level playing field and I don’t think we can point the finger of blame at poor children for not succeeding when they see that success is far easier for people who’ve had things far easier.

100 hours a week

I don't think this should be what we aspire to, spending the majority of our lives working. Nobody should need to work 100 hours a week ever, let alone in their 70s. This is what makes me feel disillusioned with life and the way it works. You get so little time away from study and work really. Even in this thread, we have 70 year olds working 100+ hours a week and children sitting their A-Levels expected to do extra-curricular activities, part-time work alongside it, and could we fit in some volunteering too? It seems relentless and I'm not ashamed to say that participating in that grind is not for me. I would rather have less money than spend so much time studying and working.

Expectations and not knowing what’s possible

@DinosaurDuvet

Re what you said your DF had said:
“ “all work, no matter what it is, should be done with pride and to absolute best of your ability”.

I once heard Raymond Blanc talking about how he began from nothing. He said he got a a very menial position in the kitchen of a good restaurant where he had to wash up and clean it, but he made sure no kitchen had ever been so clean.

Sometimes though I think people work like that and just get used. So you need to have something a bit assertive in your approach and a vision of what you want too probably. Not that I am an expert.

[quote worriedatthemoment]@Redact but not everyone is naturally bright you can't produce straight a's out of everybody [/quote]
Straight A's certainly aren't needed.
Plenty of mediocre white men in high paying careers who aren't naturally bright.