Why do people from poorer backgrounds have low aspirations

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I may not be explaining myself well here so please bear with me!

I've seen on here a few times where it's been mentioned that people from poorer backgrounds / deprived areas don't have higher aspirations. It seems they can do better but don't.

Just wondering why this is and what would help to change it.

Reason I'm asking is I'm from a por background and I still am. I don't want this for my kids but don't know how or what to do to change it.

Op being of similar background we just always encouraged ds , engaged with School, also extra curricular activities so they got to mix with many different people not just the same people
Supported them even if we are not sure on their choices but making it clear they can change their minds sometimes
But mostly we have always said try your best as long as you know you have given it your all , their isn't anymore you can do

Absolutely @sundayblu ..the truth is painful for the privileged (which I count myself part of as had private education) to admit. Life is unequal in the UK and every single thing you want to achieve is harder if you are poor.

If your parents are stressed about money...or if they are both poor and have mental health problems or have suffered trauma...if you live in overcrowded accommodation...God forbid you should grow up in care. Cared for children are more likely to go to prison than get GCSEs. That is due to systemic injustice and appalling government care not low aspirations.

The low aspirations you see would be the result of inequality not the cause.

I work with a lot of different people and social groups and the rank and painful injustice in day to day life in the UK is very very sad and a waste of talent.

It is painful for the middle classes to admit that their children are no brighter than many of the kids who leave school and go into work in supermarkets or amazon warehouses they have just had many many mor opportunities

@idontwanna thats exactly it if no one wanted to do those jobs or had to where would we be
Maybe we need to be showinG more respect for those jobs and how important they are to us all

My children are at a state primary. Several of the well off children are having tuition at 50 quid a session every week to take grammar school exams. That's not about aspirations it's about using money to buy a better life and education.

I don't think we properly realise the extent to which the class system in Britain has ruled supreme. There was a blip in the 60's with Grammar Schools, but when the unleashing of new talent and new voices was seen to represent a challenge to the established order it had to be quashed. That some in the Labour Party at the time also became challengers, I find hard to understand.

@Trainbear

Be there for your children. Look through their school books and keep up with what they are doing, help with homework, but don't do it for them. Ask open questions Do you read to them? Books - you can never have enough. Charity shops if money is an issue. Libraries as they reopen.

As a career suggestion, the armed forces offer social mobility. They support and will help anyone who is keen to progress. In the navy over 30 per cent of officers joined an non commissioned. Consider cadets or scouts. Employers have a good idea that a former cadet and better still former armed forces has excellent timekeeping, dedication and self motivation.
Some good advice from many others. Good luck.

Many working class people work evenings and shifts so this won’t be doable.

And rather than more respect we should pay jobs like teaching assistants and nursery workers much much more. They would then be better placed to help their own children achieve their potential.

Great question when I was growing up the expectation was get a job get married have kids. University, career, travel etc was never considered. It was in my 20's that I started to see the world as a bigger place and went into higher education. I also married a middle class man so now live a middle class life. My children are in uni and have bigger aspirations than I did. If education,career etc are not the norm how can you know what to aspire to?

If I had listened to my mother I wouldn't be anywhere but in a council flat as a single mum claiming benefits with no aspiration to better myself job wise as to not upset the benefit payment I could be entitled too. Not judging anyone here btw but even when I did well at gcse she would call me a show off and how I need to know my place thinking I was better than her. I'm disabled and have many surgeries so couldn't attend uni from school but qualified as a midwife last year (my chosen dream job) and did so with further medical diagnosis and a 3 and 7 month old (husband not in a high pay profession but a very respectable one so many sacrifices were made) needless to say she called me a selfish and bad mum before I started and how I should give up (though she told me not to get married to my husband and left him several voicemail telling him to leave me and the kids so I could claim and be a single mum like she was) even when I passed my final exams and was about to qualify she told me not to go for a job at the hospital as I can get a council house if I don't work and I'm a snob and think I'm better than her and my sister (who is committing benefit fraud and in a council property through lies about her living condition) yet they couldn't stop bragging to me and showing off extra purchases when there was the £500 tax bonus yet now claim unfairness and how they deserve more now the cuts have come back in. I just wanted to do the job I had passion for.. Not that midwives are paid overly well but with my medical conditions and background it's more than I was told I could achieve and will continue to develop knowledge and specialise for further progression and a good pension. Safe to say I had zero support and conditioned to believe that was the only choice and way of life. So yes family support really can either break aspiration or drive you to do better.

“sundayblu
So it's not because of low aspirations, it's because everything at lower levels is a constant struggle and because you get the door slammed in your face every day of your life.“

Its good that in spite of this you did manage to end up in a reasonable situation as described in your full post.

My own experience of a local private school was not of people with bursaries, or poorer people, being rudely treated, (though there were some ‘spoilt’ types they were not admired) perhaps that is because of the down to earth attitudes of the people of this region.

People on this thread are trying to think of some things that might help the OP, and a number, like you, have had experience of both poverty at the start but then finding greater security - so best placed to give advice.

I am sure no one thinks it is a case of it being anyone’s ‘fault’ that it is so difficult to change the course of their children’s lives.

I think someone mentioned Maslow’s Hierarchy of needs. It is so hard if a family has a starting point of barely having their physical needs met but it is worth trying to look at all the categories and trying to create the other conditions far as possible on an individual level.

@Crikeyalmighty

I originally come from a midlands mining town— went to grammar school. I had quite a few friends from quite poor backgrounds but the thing they had in common was enthusiastic parents that all worked and encouraged them. On the other hand at primary school there were a fair chunk of poor families who had latchkey kids aged 6 , dad was always at the bookies or pub- mum doing various jobs to survive—or in some cases rarely worked at all — bad backs were a big thing! there was zero encouragement- they were too busy dealing with their own issues. The biggest thing you can do for your kids is encourage, listen, take time to find out what really interests them. ‘Successful’ can mean many things and not just financial, one of my sons still lives in that town with partner, they both have interesting jobs in their mid 30s , even if not hugely well paid) they have a beautiful 6 month old and they own a small modern 2 bedder— they don’t need colossal incomes because they have a mortgage of about £400 a month and they are happy and she will go back part time — it’s all relative.

yes successful can mean many things....hopefully they all include happiness. I think the point is though that education and aspiration means that there is choice.

@hellobambinos
she told me not to go for a job at the hospital as I can get a council house if I don't work and I'm a snob and think I'm better than her and my sister

My DBIL had similar experience with his mum. Working class family, he managed to get to uni and became a teacher. On buying a house his mum was unimpressed because his sister had got one "just like it" for free (social housing) and was a SAHM to her kids while DBILs wife was working. She quite literally thought he was mad to be "wasting money" on a mortgage.

@SoManyTshirts

My parents were middle class but struggling. As a teenager doing shop and cafe work while overachieving academically, the happiest people I met were those who were making a living but focused most of their energy on family, friends and hobbies.

That was what I aspired to, and although I’m secure in my own house you’d probably have me down as not reaching my potential. I’ve achieved what I set out to do, got what I wanted. Never claimed benefits, never paid higher rate tex.

An acquaintance used to commute into Manchester as a student. Over time he noticed that the only happy person on that train was the guard.

Money buys you security but once you've reached that threshold you won't be happier if you stress yourself out by pushing for more.

DM told me the rot set in when ordinary kids were told they could have a 'career' . She said it set up for unrealistic expectations , most people have a job.

@HelloBambinos

If I had listened to my mother I wouldn't be anywhere but in a council flat as a single mum claiming benefits with no aspiration to better myself job wise as to not upset the benefit payment I could be entitled too. Not judging anyone here btw but even when I did well at gcse she would call me a show off and how I need to know my place thinking I was better than her. I'm disabled and have many surgeries so couldn't attend uni from school but qualified as a midwife last year (my chosen dream job) and did so with further medical diagnosis and a 3 and 7 month old (husband not in a high pay profession but a very respectable one so many sacrifices were made) needless to say she called me a selfish and bad mum before I started and how I should give up (though she told me not to get married to my husband and left him several voicemail telling him to leave me and the kids so I could claim and be a single mum like she was) even when I passed my final exams and was about to qualify she told me not to go for a job at the hospital as I can get a council house if I don't work and I'm a snob and think I'm better than her and my sister (who is committing benefit fraud and in a council property through lies about her living condition) yet they couldn't stop bragging to me and showing off extra purchases when there was the £500 tax bonus yet now claim unfairness and how they deserve more now the cuts have come back in. I just wanted to do the job I had passion for.. Not that midwives are paid overly well but with my medical conditions and background it's more than I was told I could achieve and will continue to develop knowledge and specialise for further progression and a good pension. Safe to say I had zero support and conditioned to believe that was the only choice and way of life. So yes family support really can either break aspiration or drive you to do better.

What you have achieved against that background is amazing. I hope you are very proud of yourself. I’m sure you are a fantastic midwife.

We all have the same 24 hours in a day....

Money also buys better careers even if the job isn't what some might see as aspirational. Hairdresser I know came from a wealthy background. Had good, private, education but desperate to be a hairdresser. So her Dad paid for her to live in London, where she trained at a top salon with a big name, then set her up in home area with her own salon, where she could charge premium prices. She's had a very nice life doing a job she loves and is very good at, but which also makes her a fair bit of money.

Another example, kid at a private school, wants to be a mechanic. Parents initially horrified. Housemaster supports him, involves parents. Kid ends up training to become a formula one mechanic, travels all over the world, does really exciting stuff and a job he enjoys.

@waterrat how ? A nursery can only pay according to what they charge if they charge loads more then the people that use them then have to pay more and get a better paid job , its not as simple as that in real life
But actually respecting professions is free , and instead of looking down at someone we appreciate their contribution to society it can help people at least have some self worth and feel as though they have achieved as they would have to work hard , do courses etc to have or do the job as well

@bexxboo well thats not at all true is it
A few years ago I worked 4 days a week , flexible . My dh worked 5 7am- 6 pm , I had much more time and flexibility to take kids out , go to school things , help with work etc

We might have the same 24 hours, but not the same access to opportunities. How deaf and blind do you have to be, to not understand that .

@bexxboo

We all have the same 24 hours in a day....

We really don't.

@bexxboo

We all have the same 24 hours in a day....

But not the same opportunities......

Big difference in the 24 hours of a child with no responsibilities, gets driven to good, aspirational school, driven home, parents with time and knowledge to help with homework, taken to activities and access to leisure activities at the weekend.

Than the child who has to get a bus or walk to school, home to an empty house because mum is at work, has to get tea for younger siblings or help provide care for granny with dementia. Parents have no idea how to help with homework and no money for leisure activities.

As a teacher, I can safely stereotype and say that when I send a reading book home, generally the children from better off families will have read it and discussed it at home. And children from very poor families will still have it sitting at the bottom of their school bag.

I'm not saying that it can't be done. But I do think that poorer families can be a bit more erratic and not put so much emphasis on children's school work.

It's quite common to have parents who physically won't come into school for parent evenings/engage with the school because they had such a terrible time at school and it takes them back.

It's also common for the parents to have such poor reading and writing skills - so presumably sitting down and reading a book with your child would be embarrassing and frustrating.

I'm more than happy to help them and actively go out of my way to do so. Often met with a poor response.

There is a big attainment gap in my family which started in my Dad's generation - he, his siblings and paternal cousins all went to University.

The maternal side of the family didn't do much educationally.

Continues to this day. They have managed to cram 4 generations into our two (so his cousin is a great-grandma and my poor Dad doesn't even have any grandchildren - but age wise my siblings and I probably should have produced at least one by now!)

Main difference seems to have been expectations e.g. you will go to University, it is obtainable and location. The other part of the family live in a rural part of the UK and are all still there. Most earn less than the average UK salary (although where they live is notoriously low paid so probably depresses this).

Paternal family are all over the globe. Most of us are high earners. Lots of professionals - doctors, barristers etc.