Why do people from poorer backgrounds have low aspirations

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I may not be explaining myself well here so please bear with me!

I've seen on here a few times where it's been mentioned that people from poorer backgrounds / deprived areas don't have higher aspirations. It seems they can do better but don't.

Just wondering why this is and what would help to change it.

Reason I'm asking is I'm from a por background and I still am. I don't want this for my kids but don't know how or what to do to change it.

I come from a very poor background. My mum really encouraged us at school and took us to loads of free things to open our eyes to a wider world.
But she had no idea of the range of jobs beyond stuff like a teacher, Dr, manager, and no real idea how to get a good job beyond going to university. I had never heard of the concept of a Red Brick University until my twenties and only knew Oxford and Cambridge were posh universities.
My mum obviously had zero connections to help us.
She was very strict with things like table manners, so I know the "right" way to do things like that. But trust me that is not what helps people get well paid jobs.

@CMeredithC

DD is extremely musical. Voice for her. We said we would fund the conservatoire/rada route but she had to do teaching or nursing so she could always earn a living.

Reading this makes me so sad.

I grew up very poor, music was the one thing I excelled at. Fortunately music lessons were free where I lived so I always had access to them regardless of my parents’ income.

I had SO many people tell me that I had to study another degree alongside music. Why? Why could you not earn a living working solely as a musician?

This goes for many other careers and degrees such as dance, fine arts, design, drama… and many humanities subjects. Why is it expected that you won’t be able to earn a living through these degrees?

I am so thankful that my parents were the only ones around me to never have this attitude. They couldn’t afford to give me any money for uni, but they encouraged me to do what I loved, so I worked my ass off and practised day and night to get a scholarship. I was the first person in my family to go to uni (second in the large extended family if you count a cousin). I got part time jobs whilst at conservatoire. I struggled massively for a few years until I landed a good orchestral job and I’ve been on an upwards trend ever since and now earning double what my nurses or teacher friends do. And I’m still on temporary contracts, once I get a permanent one I’ll be tripling the average salary and some.

I’m sure this PP’s DD is happy with what she does now, but it’s attitudes like this that prevents kids from even considering they could do something that they love. And that they could be successful at it and earn a living from it. Don’t tell your child they won’t be able to live off XYZ. Tell them if they work hard and become the best in that field, they’ll be just fine. Don’t put them down, encourage them to become he absolute best at what they do.

I can see both sides. It's great that it worked out for you, but there's always a risk. Fine art degrees : you have to audition/present a portfolio, so presumably the person's already talented. I don't see why anybody needs to do a second degree, as ANY degree is acceptable for a lot of jobs. I personally encourage my children to do what they love and earn a living from it, provided they had the drive. Auditioning etc is certainly much more difficult than doing something like software engineering where you can walk into a job and enjoy life. As long as they understood that, and didn't expect any major funding from me, I'd be happy for them to purse it.

Humanities:
A large number of people aren't doing a degree out of passion, or interest. They're pushed into uni for career reasons, choose something vaguely interesting, and come out with nothing to differentiate them from the thousands of other graduates, with the SAME degree. There isn't any academic interest at all.

@FitAt50 I live in a HA house still myself , i also work with lower income families so a fair bit of experience
On here so many are blaming those less fortunate rather than seeing that we live in a society that make it like this
My ds are 18 and 16 , ds18 is working this year and going to uni next year as we aren't rich so t will help fund uni , he will be the first in my immediate family to go to uni , my ds 16 at college and likely to go in the army , both in my eyes are successful if they are happy and doing something they want
I would like them to be able to buy their own homes , more so because I know how it feels to be looked down on
Yes there are a few families who have no aspirations for themselves or their children but the vast amount do and many want better
But not everyone is academic and can be a de or lawyer and like i said we all want our houses cleaned , bins emptied , drains unblocked etc etc

I would say these days there is a lot more on offer to the poorest kids. When I went to school there was no pupil premium or anything to help poorer kids. For example, a tutor help private music lessons after school for those who could afford them. My mum could not, so we never had the opportunity.
Take every opportunity offered to your child. Look up free or very cheap things and take your child to them.

My husband comes from a very nice but limited working class family. He was the only child in his primary school who passed the 11 plus for a good grammar school but his parents wouldn't let him go. Too far to travel, cost of uniform and they wanted him to go out to work at 15.

We met when we were 20. I come from a middle class, professional family. I think my family opened his eyes about opportunities, reading and lots of other things. He went to night school 3 nights a week for 4 years, gained qualifications and went on to have a successful career.

He was very keen for our daughter to have a good education even though at the time we were living in an area where the secondary schools weren't particularly good. She was academic and passed for the local high school (previously the old Direct Grant School). She did well and is now a high flying partner in a City international law firm.

The long drawn out point I am making is that limited horizons often stymie the opportunities children have. Not everyone has the staying power to work their way past that and the easier option is to settle for what is offered.

Very sad.

@SpinsForGin no they aren't but neither are some of the assumptions made on here
And also why is success seen only as if you have a high paying job

But it isnt always limited horizons. Your DP's family could not afford the uniform or travel expenses of grammar school. That was a common reason for the poorest kids who passed the 11 plus not to go to grammar school.

My parents looked into the scheme whereby working class kids could go to a private school if they passed the exams. But they realised they could never afford the travel or uniform.

It is easy to blame parents when the whole system is stacked against them.

Hothousing? What a pretentious action.
Steering your children into paths that you yourself wanted but failed to attain. Hothouse flowers wilt far sooner than naturally nurtured bulbs.
What a bore. All about parental posing.

When I was younger I was told so many times go to uni, get educated, its so important, but also because I come from a piss poor background I also had to work part time on top of school from the age of 16 to help keep a roof over my head, so I didn't have the time to study as much as my more well off friends. I'm doing well enough for myself now, albeit I'm no major high flyer but I started in a company at entry level, now a manager and about to buy my first house. I'm not rich but I'm comfortable. I also agree with viewing the careers around you as what you think you can aspire to so you can be held back by your own limited perceptions of what is a good career.
I've always had drive and determination but in all honesty, it's only recently I've started actually believing in myself and that contributes too

Why are we purely basing success and a happy life on if you make it as a high flying lawyer or a dr
Many people love these jobs others crash and burn and hate them
I have only ever wanted one thing for my kids and that is for them to find a job/ career that they enjoy and makes them happy
If thats working in macdonalds then so be it
There are unhappy successful people too

I didn’t get the encouragement

I also was a poor teenager in a very middle class area. I was terrified other kids would find out I was poor so I misbehaved at school. Thought it was better to know as the naughty funny one than the poor one. To me there was nothing worse than being poor and I was so so ashamed!!

I’m lucky that I married a man that has made me financially comfortable otherwise god knows where I’d be

Not middle class area- I meant middle class school*

This is what the 'system' wants though. The ruling classes need the working classes to know their place, otherwise who would do all the work if we all started getting above our stations and started having aspirations?

I do think it's a bit sad that 'aspirations' has to mean having a career that pays lots of money. Some people aspire to having a warm home, a family, friends, to earn enough to pay the bills and have enough for a night out once a month and a holiday once a year. What's wrong with that? Some people aren't academic and will never be lawyers or Drs, but they make great hairdressers, plumbers, scaffolders, nursery nurses, etc. Telling a child they can do any job they want to do just isn't realistic.

Money plays a big part too. If you grow up in a nice, middle class area where there are outstanding rated schools, your chances of getting good qualifications are significantly better than a kid who grows up on a council estate and goes to the local failing comp. If you've got money, you can pay for a private tutor. This isn't an option for most working class families.

I also always made clear all the nice things she wanted she could have if she worked hard
I can clearly remember my mum doing some cleaning for a young professional woman. She took me along and the house was so cute and her wardrobe had these nice clothes hung up on the outside and her make up/perfume/jewellery on the side. My mum told me I could have a little place like this if I worked hard. It really stuck! I agree with a PP who said aspiration is not always high flying. For many of us stability and safety is an aspirational thing

[quote worriedatthemoment]@SpinsForGin no they aren't but neither are some of the assumptions made on here
And also why is success seen only as if you have a high paying job [/quote]
I actually research this for a living. It was the focus of my PhD.
There is a significant amount of research which supports a number of the points that have been made on this thread.

And also why is success seen only as if you have a high paying job

Is it not less about whether you have a high paying job and more about whether you have that option? If you choose a lower paid career, that's fine. But if there wasn't the choice, surely that is an issue?

When I encourage my kids to work hard at school, I want them to keep as many career possibilities open as they can at this stage. Without the exam grades, some of the higher paying jobs are more challenging to access.

But I do agree that having a well paid job shouldn't be the only measure of success. However, we know that people from disadvantaged backgrounds are underrepresented in a number of sectors so it's an important that we look at why and try to address the issue.

@SpinsForGin but we all know the answers don't we , in reality foe most a state education is not comparable to a private
Not all children can get 9's etc and be successful as a lawyer etc
Uni costs money and the loans don't cover it all so still too many can't afford to go
You may research certain things but I live and work with poorer backgrounds and some of the comments are ignorant such as rather have a cuppa or watch jerry springer , that applies to very few
And that shifting the blame to the poorer people rather than addressing the society we live in
My best friend 2dc go to private school , they have way more connections than mine and were able to travel the world in a sport , my dc went to out local state and are also very good at a sport but we travel the uk but cannot travel the world as finances don't allow
So it annoys me when people blame poor people for being poor as such

@suggestedlogin if you're succeeding yourself : continuously learning (courses, LinkedIn learning, you tube videos, reading papers, subscribing to FT or MIT/ Harvard business review) and applying for roles: interviewing, preparing, buying and wearing the clothes and jewellery etc and making sacrifices: working the hours, being busy, not slobbing out but being out there doing it / selling yourself - your chuleeen will very likely to and be the same

If you're just abstractedly telling them to be whatever they can be while watching tv while they're at school - no one will take you seriously

Do ut yourself . Can't expect them too if you cannot yourself.

@feb21 but do you not see that some children are not academic so won't get those grades
If You have money and good connections those grades might not hold you back, if your the council estate kid then you won't get that break
Tbh some of the comments on here show me exactly why often children from poorer backgrounds are overlooked ,

Read to your kids every day. And talk to them about the world. Go and see things as much as possible - talk about trips to the park, listen to history podcasts etc.
Spend any spare money on things to broaden cultural capital.

@VioletCharlotte exactly
That high flying lawyer needs to call the plumber when there toilets blocked
MN is def a place where success is judged by if you have gone to uni and what job you do , you can def tell the demographic is highly one way

Yes of course I understand that not everyone's going to get good grades.

But not getting a basic GCSE grade in Maths and English can be a stumbling block to even averagely paid jobs (my nephew's in this category). I would maintain it's still worth studying as hard as you're able to at school, in order to achieve the maximum grades you're capable of. That keeps your options open as far as possible at least.

@SpinsForGin so your research shows that poor parents don't encourage their kids and would rather watch jerry springer ?
I don't need to research why , i live and work it day in day out

[quote worriedatthemoment]@SpinsForGin but we all know the answers don't we , in reality foe most a state education is not comparable to a private
Not all children can get 9's etc and be successful as a lawyer etc
Uni costs money and the loans don't cover it all so still too many can't afford to go
You may research certain things but I live and work with poorer backgrounds and some of the comments are ignorant such as rather have a cuppa or watch jerry springer , that applies to very few
And that shifting the blame to the poorer people rather than addressing the society we live in
My best friend 2dc go to private school , they have way more connections than mine and were able to travel the world in a sport , my dc went to out local state and are also very good at a sport but we travel the uk but cannot travel the world as finances don't allow
So it annoys me when people blame poor people for being poor as such [/quote]
Agreed. This is let blame poor people.
My mum read to me every night, took me to free museums and art galleries, encouraged me at school. That helped me do better than I would have.
But no it does not magically create a level playing field.