To work in a job I dislike for DCs?

[Pinkballoonsforaparty]

I keep going round in circles.

I’ve put ‘dislike’ in my OP, but I don’t absolutely loathe my job. I just find it stressful.

I can work PT but I also want to send DC to private school.

AIBU to work FT so DC have this opportunity?

@GirlOfTudor

That would depend on what the job is and is and why you think a private school is superior to public schools

No idea why the when I’ve explained a few times that it is because of small class sizes, enhanced opportunities and so on.

We do have an outstanding state school locally but whether it is quite what I’m looking for I don’t know. Plus houses are rather eye watering.

Also, have you considered moving to an area with better state schools? Depending on the job situation for yourself and DH that might be a safer bet. (Might not though)

I was in the same position as you, and basically worked to send my children to private school.

They've both left now. It was totally worth it.

Plus houses are rather eye watering

At least if you put the money into mortgage repayments rather than school fees you’d recoup it at some point.

Yes but may not be able to get a mortgage for that amount.

Private school is a nice luxury if you can’t afford it without it having any impact on your general living standards.

To me it would be more important that my children had an engaged and available parent. But then my kids have done just fine at state school (now both teens), so I’m coming at this from a different place than you. I worked a job I wasn’t keen on for years, as it was very flexible, so I could be around more for my kids. That was worth it, but to stretch to send them to private school. No, it’s never been a priority for me.

Surely as a parent you put your children’s best interests ahead of your own? I would love to have a less stressful job but I’ll keep doing it because I want to give my children the best start in life that I can.

you put your children’s best interests ahead of your own

Yes, it’s establishing exactly what those best interests are.

Have you actually been and looked round the schools themselves? It sounds like you possibly haven't as you mention there is a great local school but you 'don't know' if it's what you are looking for. Tbh that's the place to start: get a sense of the local private and state schools - what are their ethos, the head's approach and priorities; the resources and curriculum areas they prioritise; their academic results (if appropriate). Think if your kids will fit there - with their approaches and priorities. Then make the decision what is most worthwhile. Fwiw, we have gone state all the way through but moved to get our kids into a high performing secondary - where quite a few of our mates went private. Moving was expensive, but doing that rather than paying school fees has saved us a lot of money, some of which allowed us to throw tutors at underperforming areas and at 'cultural capital' stuff; some of which allowed me to work part time and be around to support at the points when the kids needed it. My eldest is doing A levels and getting equivalent grade and uni options to his peers who went private. But that call was made because we knew our options and chose accordingly - in a different school mix, we might have chosen differently.

I promised them I’d do my very best for them and that’s what I plan to do.
Crack on then!

@Isthisjustnormal we will when the time comes, but I think you may have misunderstood - there is a local school but ‘local’ I mean just in the area. We aren’t near the catchment for it.

@FlossMoss you quoted me halfway through a sentence

YANBU to do what you believe is best for your children. I think most of us do that.

I don't personally think that private school is worth the investment, and we didn't bother with it even though we could have comfortably afforded it. I was confident that we didn't need it and felt that dd would benefit more from the money being used for other things, eg a future house deposit etc. I have zero regrets about that decision, as dd has thrived in the state system and not been disadvantaged in any way.

If you feel it's worth it and are willing to work hard to fund it, then crack on.

I know people who went to private school whose parents scrimped and saved to send them. TBH, I don't think they got the education and experience their parents hoped they would. To be blunt, they weren't in the same class/wealth bracket as the rest of the school. They couldn't afford the designer clothes, skiing holidays, horse riding lessons etc because their parents spent all their money sending them to school. They didn't fit in, were socially excluded in the teen years and hated being at school. My friend and her siblings preferred uni (where I met her) because everyone else was just like them there.

Oh, and fwiw, I come from a family of five where some of the kids went private and half state.The most 'successful' in financial/career terms was state educated, and the least 'successful' was state educated: the privates are in the middle: that's certainly impacted my view of how much difference a private education gives! I don't think you could look at us and guess which was which - the family context has had more of an impact

Going part time doesn’t always reduce the stress that much - you’re often expected to deliver pretty much the same, but in fewer hours/less pay!

Going against the grain here, I certainly would work full time to pay for my DC to attend a decent independent school.
I've taught in many types of schools from prestigious indie to difficult state. Based on these experiences I plan for my DC to go to independent school for secondary.

There is that too, @NoAprilFool! It’s the idea of a day or so where I’m not running at full pelt that so appeals, I think.

It wasn't halfway through a sentence.

My children didn’t ask to be born. I promised them I’d do my very best for them and that’s what I plan to do. Gratitude and return not expected and nor should it be.

It's not unreasonable to work. Why would it be!

But why wait 'until the time comes' - why not start looking and planning now? Most people who are going private would want to have a buffer saved for school fees before they start paying in case of anything untoward happening (we certainly started that fund when our kids were little, as a just in case measure) - I also wonder, if you haven't started that process - whether you are really clear on the financial implications of going private: how the fees increase as you go up the age brackets; how much extra you'll need to budget for uniform, trips etc. I'd start your spreadsheets now! Are you confident that going FT rather than PT will fund everything?

We wouldn’t have to scrimp and scrape but while it’s a joint decision in theory, in practice it’s me driving it so I suppose I feel obliged to be able to pay for it

I’d start your spreadsheets now

I can only go off the information I have now, and use this as a basis going forwards. I don’t think there’s much to be gained from going around a secondary school I’m not going to be using for the next decade

I work full time in a warehouse, every evening and weekend. My shift pattern for the next 3 weeks is:

5 on
1 off
5 on
1 off
5 on
2 off

All because my young teen is too anxiety ridden to walk to school, so I can’t get a job that starts before 9am. My other child is fine with walking.
I’ve been offered 3 dream jobs these last two years, beating 30 other applicants at interview for one of them. But I couldn’t take it, because it started before 9am.

I guess I’ll continue making this sacrifice for a few more years yet .

Fair enough! I'd invest some time to go round and research the actual schools available to feed into that sort of decision, but maybe that's me ;-)

That must be very hard for you both @Rivering

The ‘crack on’ and ‘maybe that’s just me’ passive aggression on here is extremely rude and extremely unnecessary.

I apologise if you thought my crack on was rude. I didn't mean it to be.