To work in a job I dislike for DCs?

[Pinkballoonsforaparty]

I keep going round in circles.

I’ve put ‘dislike’ in my OP, but I don’t absolutely loathe my job. I just find it stressful.

I can work PT but I also want to send DC to private school.

AIBU to work FT so DC have this opportunity?

Unless you’re a very high earner the difference between your PT and FT earnings won’t be anywhere near enough to pay fees for secondary for two DC.

Why would you ‘struggle to work PT’ with DC in state school? There’re fewer school holiday weeks to cover, for example.

As you’ve acknowledged, FT work is much better in terms of pension, also career and earnings progression. Few fathers work PT. If you have a pension scheme where you can retire at 60 that’s unusual and great, would maximise your contributions to make the most out of that whatever you decide about schools!

@Jamnation that is a worry. I don’t absolutely detest it but it’s stressful and exhausting and I feel like I’m constantly running at a pace that’s just outside of comfortable.

@Loopytiles when both children reach senior school I would effectively be working for nothing. Of course it isn’t as simple as that because our family income is higher but it helps keep it clear in my mind.

At primary level, the length of the days means no need for wraparound care costing extra so I could drop them, go to work, then pick them up and go home. (The private school is around the corner from my own workplace.)

It’s a tough decision.

You pay you money and you make your choices.

I would need a compelling reason to go private (ie highly academic child and highly academic school - top 20 or 30 in the UK, or if I had a slightly SEN child who I thought would get crushed/lost in the mix in state)

I would 100% stay FT to do this for my children if I believed they needed this. And in your situation I would look to see how I can Improve the role either through internal transfer / new job or simply switching mindset.

@Chasingaftermidnight that’s awful, and clearly not as uncommon as it should be given other responses on this thread. We have paid for school for our dc but they have no idea of any struggles we have had and thankfully those days are behind us now. It was our choice, not theirs and I would hate for our dc to ever feel the way that you do. We have given them a good education. What they choose to do with it is up to them, there will be no judgement from us.

Were you privately school educated? I ask because sometimes people make assumptions about things they haven't experienced...I know a couple who are split on what they want for DC (state Vs private) and they come from different educational experiences themselves. They are both doing very well and the local secondary is excellent (outperforms a fair few local privates...)...I dunno, I love my kids but I'm never convinced by the 'opportunities' argument...

No, I wasn’t privately educated.

Everyone reacts to their own experience, and I guess the grass is always greener. I went to public school, I have never seriously considered sending my own children anywhere remotely like that.

I could be wrong but I suppose I see public school as one of the more famous establishments like Eton. This is more independent day school.

@Pinkballoonsforaparty sorry I didn't mean that you have made up your mind consciously, but the way you are writing you seem to be rebutting all arguments against sending them private. It is like on the property board when a poster asks about two houses and you can tell from the way they post that they have already decided deep down, but they maybe don't realise it. That is not to say I think you should go private, my dc are state educated and doing really well, but you seem to have made that decision on some level which is why I think you need to consider how to make your job more interesting for you. As PP said do make sure that you factor in the extra childcare for long holidays in your calculations.

@Cattitudes - don’t worry I didn’t take it that way. But to an extent I’m playing devils advocate and most posts were saying not to go private so if most posts had said the opposite I’d have probably put forward that side

As far as I can see term dates are the same apart from two weeks in the summer holidays, which isn’t insurmountable but inconvenient I agree.

All that money we spent and it was a complete waste.

My DS is quite average academically, I don't expect him to ever reach some amazing heights there. But if we had left him to his state school, he would probably be still sitting in a corner of his class of 30, not saying a word, barely understanding what's going on around him.
The change achieved by having a small class and teachers who are not overwhelmed has been miraculous. And could not have been achieved by me working less.

I decided it was much better for everyone to work less (both me and DH are part time) and be around for our children. I do a job I enjoy and is challenging. Killing myself in something I hate just for private school (classes aren’t always that much smaller FYI) just seemed crazy. And careful what if you’re made redundant or your workplace moves - is much rather my kids were near their home (and have local friends).

If you follow trends, though - if you look at the general picture and not individual cases - children who attend private school do much better than their state educated peers.

Correlation is not causation.

With a very few exceptions, the children who attended private school are the most advantaged children in society who would have done well anyway.

You're not paying for an education, you're buying a network.

Indeed - it’s a bit like breastfeeding isn’t it, where more educated mothers are more likely to breastfeed. That doesn’t mean one shouldn’t do it, however.

I would not agree that it is like breastfeeding, no.

Right then …

I'd only invest in private education if my children where showing academic capabilities because then they can pick extra subjects such as Latin which aren't available in state schools. Remember it's the student that makes the school not the other way round. An A-grade student will still get As whether they're in public or private school. A crappy grade student will still get crappy grades whether they're in public or private.

An A-grade student will still get As whether they're in public or private school. A crappy grade student will still get crappy grades whether they're in public or private

I’m afraid I don’t agree and the statistics don’t uphold this view either.

You're not paying for an education, you're buying a network

I don't agree. Private schools have smaller classes and that impacts positively on class sizes. They are able to recruit and retain teachers. There are excellent teachers in state but they are under enormous pressure which isn't generally the case with private schools.

Op, I believe private education can be fantastic at senior school. Primary maybe optional so can you look at saving fees for a limited time only?

The network does uphold if it’s Eton or Charter House or Wellington, I suppose.

Our local independent school has someone with a physics degree from Oxford teaching physics. Local state school doesn’t even have a physics teacher. No one can tell me that bright children are just going to get a 9 in Science anyway, they’ll just absorb what they need to know with a CGP subject guide and a tutor.

Do your children really need to be at a private school? Are there no suitable state options, or are they already in a state school and very unhappy or failing in some way, do they have specific needs that can only be met in the private sector, or are they already well settled in private schools?

And just how stressful is your job? Bear in mind that if you make yourself very stressed then that will put pressure on the whole family, not just you.

One other less obvious factor is what happens if one of your children needs more parental support at home for a while? Kids in my extended family can be a bit needy in various ways, and neither myself nor my two sibs have been able to have both parents working fulltime for the whole time our kids are in school because issues. Children and families vary of course, and you know your own family best, but in my family relying on both parents working full time to keep their children in their current school would be a high-risk strategy.

Primary maybe optional so can you look at saving fees for a limited time only?

I have considered that, but worry about taking them from their friends and putting them in an environment where everyone else has been close for years.

Local state school doesn’t even have a physics teacher.

OK I agree that's a bit shit!

That would depend on what the job is and is and why you think a private school is superior to public schools

Would an option be to move into the catchment area of an outstanding state school, and find another job that you enjoy?