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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be in love in four weeks

85 replies

mmarket · 20/02/2022 00:46

A bit lighthearted (and I promise I am a very sensible, fully grown, non-teenager..) but I have been dating a new man for four weeks and, although I haven't said it to him, I feel as though I'm in love.

I've had serious, long term relationships before, and it's usually taken a number of months to fall in love. But this time, we just can't get enough of each other. We're seeing each other every chance we get, laughing, deep chats etc.

Maybe it's just infatuation, but AIBU to think I might be in love so quickly? How long does it usually take? Trying to keep my rational, sensible head on!

OP posts:
RNBrie · 20/02/2022 00:52

I don't think you can love someone in 4 weeks. You barely know him... you've never seen him under pressure or having a bad day.... the honeymoon phase is lovely, so enjoy it, but I think love comes later when the initial shine has worn off.

Choux · 20/02/2022 00:53

I don't think you can be in love yet. You like him, are wanting the relationship, are giddy with the excitement and anticipation of where it's going and that he seems to like you as much as you like him.

But you can't have spent more than 100-150 hours together tops. You don't know him well yet, you are probably both on your best behaviour, being your most easy going, upbeat, fun selves. Hopefully you'll be just as compatible when you each relax down a notch. Time will tell.

But I don't want to bring you down. Keep on enjoying every second. I hope it continues to go well.

Happierthanever91 · 20/02/2022 00:58

You absolutely can fall in love in 4 weeks. Everybody is different. I fell in love with my OH instantly and were engaged with a baby on the way

DiddyHeck · 20/02/2022 00:59

Just enjoy it for what it is. Who cares whether it's love at this stage or not? If it's bringing joy to your life right now, that's all that matters.

It's harmless as long as it's just the two of you at this stage and no children are involved in meeting either of you or being forced to share their home.

MrsToothyBitch · 20/02/2022 01:03

Absolutely Smile. Still doesn't mean it all be plain sailing etc, but sometimes you just have that feeling.

Holskey · 20/02/2022 01:17

I feel like I fell in love with my dp over a weekend. Had it not worked out, maybe I would have realised it wasn't really love after all, but it did work out so it will always be the weekend I fell in love.

Who cares what it is. Sounds wonderful ❤

Original poster
mmarket · 20/02/2022 02:30

@Holskey

I feel like I fell in love with my dp over a weekend. Had it not worked out, maybe I would have realised it wasn't really love after all, but it did work out so it will always be the weekend I fell in love.

Who cares what it is. Sounds wonderful ❤

This is lovely - the weekend you fell in love!
OP posts:
Rainbowqueeen · 20/02/2022 02:46

Honestly it probably is infatuation. Google limerance.

Don’t let your feelings overlook any red flags.

Ohdofuckofdear · 20/02/2022 03:10

I believe you can!

Me and my DH have been together since our first date and that was just over 16 years ago and were still going strong, he's an amazing husband and dad to our 5DC(4 biologically not from him but he's Dad to all of our DC)and an amazing Grandparent to our DGC.

My parents were the same,only together a few months before they married and they were married for over 50 years.

Franca123 · 20/02/2022 03:14

I fell in love with my partner instantly. We didn't want to be apart as soon as we set eyes on each other. Obviously it took a bit longer to see if it was real. Just go with it and enjoy yourself. While also doing your due diligence to make sure this is something you want long term.

45mumof6 · 20/02/2022 03:45

I met my husband and fell in love within days, I was pregnant 4 weeks later, married 6 months later.
We have now been together 26 years.
When you know you know there is no time frame.
Enjoy yourself

HPD76 · 20/02/2022 04:50

We’d been following each other on Twitter for years, occasionally chatted as friends, met up for a drink and it was like being struck by lightening. He sent me a video message about a fortnight later saying he loved me and his eyes were the human embodiment of the heart eyes emoji. Two and a half years later, his eyes still do that when he looks at me. It’s possible.

I knew at the time it could possibly be temporary and he could dump me when he got bored, but he hasn’t and we are very loved up. I’m a very lucky woman to be loved as fiercely as he loves me, and I love him right back.

daisychain01 · 20/02/2022 05:01

After a couple of weeks of emailing each other, DH and I "met half way" for the first time, as you do in OLD, had a nice pub lunch, walked up and down the village where the pub was and then went our separate ways. By the time we'd returned to our respective homes, we both realised we loved each other and that was it.

It is possible to be in love after a short time (a few weeks), but unless it's reciprocal and not one-sided, it's never gonna get off the ground.

Dogscanteatonions · 20/02/2022 05:11

In my nearly 50 years I've had a number of relationships and a marriage but nothing compared to my do. We blew each other away on our first short date and were in love pretty much by the 3rd date so within two weeks. 4 years in now and it's so good everything else pales in comparison

Monty27 · 20/02/2022 05:14

Yes definitely. And when it's reciprocal it's fantastic.
However from experience real life got in the way when there hadn't even been time to discuss life goals and some such.
Sigh. It works for some people but I'd say that's unusual.
Enjoy yourself it's a nice experience.

RosesAndHellebores · 20/02/2022 05:20

DH and I fell in love at first sight. It was extraordinary. We have not been apart much since our 2nd date when he told me he'd fallen in love with me. That was 33 years ago!

maras2 · 20/02/2022 05:24

I fell in love with my boy friend after 4 days.
That was in 1968.
He felt the same and we're still in love after 54 years but only married for 47. Further education got in the way of a teenage wedding. Smile

catwomando · 20/02/2022 06:36

Met My DH and were engaged within 3 weeks. I just knew. Utterly mad and baffling to bystanders but we just knew. 20+ years and counting.

@mmarket I do hope it's the real thing for you both as it's rather wonderful Grin

Imdonna · 20/02/2022 07:00

Its not love. But that doesn't mean its not good or its not going to last or it's not on the way to love.

The people who say they knew, didn't really. It just worked out that they are still together. If he hadn't have worked out, they would have just moved on and eventually called it last.

I first met dp when I was 17. We worked together briefly, but never spoke. I remember the first time I saw him, he took my breath away. But he left the place of work. 15 years and a marriage and divorce later, he moved back to the area and turned out he was related to my best friend.

We have been together since that night, he knew who I was the second he saw me and remembered me too. I did feel like I loved him straight away. I felt like I had always known him. But I didn't know him really.

But a few years down the line its become actual love. Those first feelings we had were not the same. If we hadnt worked out, those original feelings would be call lust.

The only problem is that when people going they know or think its love, without knowing the person, that's when we are in danger of ignoring the huge red flags.

Rosieposie101 · 20/02/2022 07:03

I loved my husband right away, he loved me too. Literally, the day I met him. We were engaged before 4 weeks was up 😂 Married with our first baby within a year. Still happily married many years later with more children! Mumsnet howeber will tell you that you'll have to date someone for at LEAST two years before moving in with them, and then live with them for at LEAST five years before getting married. Nonsense. My husband and I basically lived together from day 1. When you know you know!

isthismylifenow · 20/02/2022 07:11

Just enjoy it for what it is at the moment OP. I do agree though thst there are some people that you can connect with instantly, and some are more of slow start to get there.

Just don't let it cloud you. So enjoy, but keep in mind you do still have a lot to get to know about each other.

ButtockUp · 20/02/2022 07:15

Fell in love on first date.
Both enjoying our retirement over 30 years later.

Enjoy yourself OP!

Inthesameboatatmo · 20/02/2022 07:19

You absolutely can fall in love in 4 weeks but I don't mean to piss on it all, its more than likely limerance op which is even more all encompassing in my experience of it and hard to come out of.

merrymelodies · 20/02/2022 07:22

Who cares what it is? Enjoy it but take your time and be alert.

AuntieStella · 20/02/2022 07:25

Yes, you can, but it's still the loved up phase and not yet properly rooted.

For some, it will turn in to an enduring and deep connection.

But not everyone, so do keep your awareness that you've only scratched the surface, and that you are still auditioning him for the permanent role.

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