Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

To be in love in four weeks

85 replies

mmarket · 20/02/2022 00:46

A bit lighthearted (and I promise I am a very sensible, fully grown, non-teenager..) but I have been dating a new man for four weeks and, although I haven't said it to him, I feel as though I'm in love.

I've had serious, long term relationships before, and it's usually taken a number of months to fall in love. But this time, we just can't get enough of each other. We're seeing each other every chance we get, laughing, deep chats etc.

Maybe it's just infatuation, but AIBU to think I might be in love so quickly? How long does it usually take? Trying to keep my rational, sensible head on!

OP posts:

SpaceyCake · 20/02/2022 07:29

I totally fell in love the first time I met my husband. It just felt different and he was the same - we were completely obsessed with each other from the start. I ended up in his bed that week and never left. I moved in within weeks and we've been attached at the hip since. It's been 15 years now and it's still lovely. So I think you can fall in love quickly! I'm just pleased he felt the same. Good luck OP!

Frenchfancy · 20/02/2022 07:33

The people who say it can't be love mean it has never happened to them.

It happened to me. We have been married for 28 years.

As long as there are no DC involved then just enjoy. If either of you have DC then be very careful.

TopCatsTopHat · 20/02/2022 07:37

@AuntieStella

Yes, you can, but it's still the loved up phase and not yet properly rooted.

For some, it will turn in to an enduring and deep connection.

But not everyone, so do keep your awareness that you've only scratched the surface, and that you are still auditioning him for the permanent role.

Yes yes. I had this, luckily my bf was as good as he seemed and the heady giddy lust/love got broader and deeper as we got to know each other more, and the more layers we dug down the more we liked each other. Now nearly 20 years, married and 2 kids later we're still going strong. So enjoy it. But if as you get to know him you find things aren't so great after all and there are aspects of his character which are not good, don't ignore them. Hopefully it will carry on going great and you'll skip off into the sunset together. Lovely to hear your happiness.

ByGrabtharsHammerWhatASavings · 20/02/2022 07:42

My dp and I said we loved each other after a month. We've now been together 6 years and have 2 kids and are still very happy. I've had lots of relationships in the past that have been a lot of hard work but this one has always felt easy and natural.

To balance that story I've also been out with men who were very good at sweeping me off my feet at the very start and then the relationship either cooled off very fast or turned toxic or abusive. When something starts out so good it can be very disorienting to have the rug pulled out from underneath you. I spent way too long with the wrong men convinced that we were going through a "phase" and they would "change back". Took me a long time to realise that was the real them and it was the good bit that had been fake. So keep your eyes open for red flags.

sunflower1993 · 20/02/2022 07:43

My parents were engaged after two weeks. They've been together for 30 years. Entirely possible!

HTruffle · 20/02/2022 07:46

@Rosieposie101

I loved my husband right away, he loved me too. Literally, the day I met him. We were engaged before 4 weeks was up 😂 Married with our first baby within a year. Still happily married many years later with more children! Mumsnet howeber will tell you that you'll have to date someone for at LEAST two years before moving in with them, and then live with them for at LEAST five years before getting married. Nonsense. My husband and I basically lived together from day 1. When you know you know!

Exactly this! I knew I was in love with my husband as soon as I saw him. We’ve been together for nearly ten years. He’s lovely.

Fabricedesauveterre · 20/02/2022 07:46

My DP said I love you to each other at 5 weeks and i fell deeply in love very soon I remember thinking it the second time I stayed over and having words with myself in my head. However I stayed cautious for a while despite the feelings but I was right and it turned into a deep long lasting love.

gingerhills · 20/02/2022 07:50

My test for being truly in love is:
How are things when you or they are ill?
How are things when you or they have a really bad day?
How does it feel to do dull stuff with them - weekly shop or laundry?
How does it feel when one of you says you need a night alone, or with your friends or are not in the mood and just want to sleep?

If you still feel blissed up despite everyday ups and downs and flats, then it's love. If it needs to be heightened all the time - bonfires on the beach till dawn etc - that stuff is amazing but it's still infatuation stage because you have no idea how you interact when normal life resumes.

LimeSegment · 20/02/2022 07:52

Sounds great OP. I wish I could have an experience like this. I'm married and been in other long relationships but never had someone who wanted to spend lots of time with me and talk to me. Enjoy it

gingerhills · 20/02/2022 07:52

BTW, I say this as someone who took one look at DH and thought: Oh it's you. You're the reason nothing worked out before. I could marry you. He has told me I am a weird freak who would have scared him off as it took him at least 15 minutes to feel the same! We were engaged after 6 months and married a year later.But DH was very good at doing every day stuff as well as big romantic gestures.

Loopytiles · 20/02/2022 07:53

Fast loving thoughts and feelings can work out well sometimes, other times not.

Keep your head fully engaged!

CounsellorTroi · 20/02/2022 07:56

The people who say they knew, didn't really. It just worked out that they are still together. If he hadn't have worked out, they would have just moved on and eventually called it last.

This. I think if you meet someone and it develops into a long term relationship, with hindsight the early days of the relationship can seem more significant and intense than they actually were. It’s sort of confirmation bias. DH and I got engaged after 4 months of dating and knowing each other socially for about six months beforehand and are still together 32 years later. I liked him a lot on first meeting but I wasn’t thinking he was the one! That came later.

TurdCrapley · 20/02/2022 07:57

I fell in love with my now DH within 3 weeks. He felt the same. It's been 8 years and we have a 3 year old. Sometimes, you just know🤷‍♀️☺️

Senderandme · 20/02/2022 08:02

Yes. Definitely. I fell in love with my DH after a few dates and got engaged 5 months later. We celebrate our 10th anniversary this year and I still feel the same now! How exciting for you! Enjoy it 😀

GrumpyDullard · 20/02/2022 08:03

“When you know, you know” is bullshit. I got engaged to exH after 9 days (because I just knew!) and 3 months after our first meeting, I was married and pregnant. He dropped the act on our honeymoon and I spent the next 7 years with an abusive alcoholic.

Hiddenvoice · 20/02/2022 08:04

Yeah I think you can fall in love within 4 weeks. I certainly have in the past.
You’re both in the new relationship stage and it’s all exciting and loved up. He might not be feeling it yet but doesn’t mean you are not.
Tell him when you feel ready, there’s no pressure or time limit.
I fell in love within a month, told the guy and he said he really liked me but wasn’t there yet. Kinda sucked for me but I understood that people can take longer and sometimes love isn’t reciprocated.

balalake · 20/02/2022 08:06

It can happen, hope for you that is the case and you have no regrets even six months or a year from now.

Malvasylvestris · 20/02/2022 08:08

Met my DH online and was engaged within a few months. Over 10 years and 2 DC later, I would say it is definitely possible...

However I still remember being in that first rush of love and feel good chemicals where your brain might ignore warning signals, also just finished watching Tinder Swindler on Netflix so enjoy yourself but try to be sensible about it too. Easier said than done I know!

easyluckyfree · 20/02/2022 08:16

I don’t think it’s possible to love someone without knowing them properly. Otherwise it’s infatuation.

TopCatsTopHat · 20/02/2022 08:19

Agree its not real love, it's limerance but that's step 1 of heading towards real love and if it keeps going that's where you get.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 20/02/2022 08:19

This whole "when you know you know" thing is a load of rubbish, it's never a good idea to get married or pregnant within weeks of a relationship. It's luck more than anything if it does work out. You do not truly know someone after a few weeks.

bembridge11 · 20/02/2022 08:21

Lust - not love (yet)
Enjoy it!

FantasticFebruary · 20/02/2022 08:21

I think you should enjoy it for what it is.

I don't think it is 'love', but it can be feeling 'in love' & wanting them to know how you feel.

It's easy to look back, years later, and say you knew it was love 2 minutes after meeting. But look at how many more feel like that, but don't last.

Other times it's a slow burn and some couples stay together & some don't.

The thing is, it really doesn't matter, just enjoy the feelings. Don't ignore any 'red flags' and don't rush things. Let this stage last as it's wonderful! (And it might be the last time you feel like this!!)

Oblomov22 · 20/02/2022 08:23

I don't understand other peoples objections. What IS the minimum amount of time then? One poster said they hadn't seen him stressed, or he was on his best behaviour. But that may not be true.

You may have already spent a lot of time together and seen each other in stressful situations already and seen how they behaved. You may have talked to each other endlessly and told each other for your worst bits, the bits are you ashamed of, the things you don't want anyone else to know, you may have already had these conversations.

How can anyone else specify when the love bit starts?

TopCatsTopHat · 20/02/2022 08:24

@GrumpyDullard

True, you think you know and sometimes you're right and sometimes you're not. Enjoy every single delicious moment but don't commit until you've seen them stressed out, tired, being asked to do something they'd rather not, interact with someone rude, speak to someone who is vulnerable compared to them, etc etc and how they respond.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread