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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be in love in four weeks

85 replies

mmarket · 20/02/2022 00:46

A bit lighthearted (and I promise I am a very sensible, fully grown, non-teenager..) but I have been dating a new man for four weeks and, although I haven't said it to him, I feel as though I'm in love.

I've had serious, long term relationships before, and it's usually taken a number of months to fall in love. But this time, we just can't get enough of each other. We're seeing each other every chance we get, laughing, deep chats etc.

Maybe it's just infatuation, but AIBU to think I might be in love so quickly? How long does it usually take? Trying to keep my rational, sensible head on!

OP posts:

ProfYaffle · 20/02/2022 08:37

I think the English language is really inadequate in only having one word for love. Personally I think there are stages of love, yes you are in a type of love now. Over time it may deepen and strengthen into a different kind of love.

Maybe it'll progress, maybe it won't but it'll be fun finding out.

(I brought dh home from a club with me. 22 years later he's still here. We 'knew' early on)

Ra12345 · 20/02/2022 08:53

What you're feeling is chemicals and hormones, that's all. Doesn't mean you're not feeling it but that's what it is.

Forcedoutoflurking · 20/02/2022 09:06

It was 'love at first sight' for me and my husband, or lust, or infatuation or whatever. But we are still together 31 years later and very happy.

changetheworld · 20/02/2022 09:10

You absolutely can fall in love after four weeks. I find it odd some posters would try and tell you otherwise? How on earth would they know? Also, when is the definitive timescale to fall in love then? Seems odd to put time limits on such things.

Bagelsandbrie · 20/02/2022 09:11

Well you can have the feelings of being in love but you don’t know someone after only knowing them 4 weeks.

changetheworld · 20/02/2022 09:15

@Bagelsandbrie

Well you can have the feelings of being in love but you don’t know someone after only knowing them 4 weeks.

Yes but the doesn't mean you don't love them.

If the question was should I marry after four weeks then my answer would be absolutely not based on what you've said, they could be not the person you think they are.

But it's also possible they could be who you think they are even after you get to know them.

SouperNoodle · 20/02/2022 09:24

I genuinely believed I loved DH and he felt the same way for me after a few weeks together.
Now that we've been together for 7 years, we realise it was just we were infatuated and all the chemicals in our brains must have been going crazy.
I think it takes real time to truly love someone.
The beginning of a relationship is amazing though and my favourite bit. 😁

thepeopleversuswork · 20/02/2022 09:44

There’s no technical definition of “being in love”. It isn’t something you can rule in or out with a test.

Enjoy it - seize it with both hands — but keep your feet on the ground and be aware that just because he is on his best behaviour now it doesn’t automatically mean you will be together forever.

Imyourvenus · 20/02/2022 09:46

Feel in love with Dh within a week, still together 23 years later

thepeopleversuswork · 20/02/2022 09:47

@GrumpyDullard

“When you know, you know” is bullshit. I got engaged to exH after 9 days (because I just knew!) and 3 months after our first meeting, I was married and pregnant. He dropped the act on our honeymoon and I spent the next 7 years with an abusive alcoholic.

Also this. “When you know, you know” is horseshit.

It’s confirmation bias after the event.

You could “know” someone was right until they turn out to be a lying, abusive arsehole.

planningtomakeaplan · 20/02/2022 09:52

I fell in love with my ex in weeks. It didn't work out eventually, Hence he's my ex! But we adored each other and were together for 10 years. So yes, you can fall in love that fast.

FWIW, 3 decades later we are still very fond of each other (but more like family than romantic love - definitely no unfinished business there).

AgathaMystery · 20/02/2022 09:52

Enjoy yourself. It sounds lovely.

Once upon a time I watched a random man park a car across the road from the porch I was sitting on. By the time he was crossing the road I was done for. He walked towards the house, up the porch steps (me, tachycardic, barely breathing) & I honestly thought I would die. It was brilliant

Love at first sight is absolutely a thing.

planningtomakeaplan · 20/02/2022 09:53

It's not romantic love these days, I mean. It was definitely romantic love at first though.

planningtomakeaplan · 20/02/2022 09:54

@AgathaMystery

Enjoy yourself. It sounds lovely.

Love at first sight is absolutely a thing.

What happened next?! Why did he walk towards your porch?

Butterbegood · 20/02/2022 09:55

Honestly? I fell for DW the weekend we met, not kidding, and told all my closest friends I was in love. That was 20 years and 2 kids ago. It was true then and true now.
Luckily for me she felt the same…

catandcandle · 20/02/2022 09:56

You can be. I met DH once at a party while on holiday in another country, had a fun one-night stand and moved along. A few months later he contacted me to say he was going to be in the UK for a few days and could he visit me (he didn't ask to stay). He arrived one afternoon and never left. We have been married for 17 years.

Butterbegood · 20/02/2022 09:57

Was I in love with her ? Absolutely. Did I love her? That probably came later when I really got to know her but it didn’t feel like 2 separate things to me and the qualities I loved then haven’t changed, you can get the essence of someone very quickly if you are both open people.

Luredbyapomegranate · 20/02/2022 10:13

Well at this stage it’s chemistry / infatuation. You don’t know the man, so you cannot be in love.

Hold off on the declarations. It’s a nice way to start though, and hopefully it will turn into being in love, and being friends too.

DogsAndGin · 20/02/2022 10:17

How wonderful OP! When you know, you know!

My DH and I knew it was the real deal by date two. We’ve been together 5 years now, happily married and planning DC.

Athrawes · 20/02/2022 10:30

I knew the moment I met my ex that he was it. The one.
He will always be the love of my life, and me, his. But for various reasons we just don't work out.

Then I met another man and within days felt love. I married him. He's my ex DH.

Then I met another man and within a week we were using the word love.
I don't know if we will work out better than man 1 or 2.

Maybe some people are just very loving.

StormBaby · 20/02/2022 10:36

Some people do fall in love instantly, me and my DH both knew the moment we saw each other. I always think that people who say you can’t just have never experienced it, therefore it doesn’t happen. You can still be cautious for a while longer, I was, that can only be a good thing

GrumpyDullard · 20/02/2022 10:50

@Athrawes

I knew the moment I met my ex that he was it. The one. He will always be the love of my life, and me, his. But for various reasons we just don't work out.

Then I met another man and within days felt love. I married him. He's my ex DH.

Then I met another man and within a week we were using the word love.
I don't know if we will work out better than man 1 or 2.

Maybe some people are just very loving.

Maybe some people are just bonkers.

SlashBeef · 20/02/2022 11:00

We knew after a week! Nearly 12 years and 4 kids later, I still like him 😄

SlashBeef · 20/02/2022 11:01

@Athrawes

I knew the moment I met my ex that he was it. The one. He will always be the love of my life, and me, his. But for various reasons we just don't work out.

Then I met another man and within days felt love. I married him. He's my ex DH.

Then I met another man and within a week we were using the word love.
I don't know if we will work out better than man 1 or 2.

Maybe some people are just very loving.

None of those were love though, were they? Clearly.

Tomnooktoldmeto · 20/02/2022 11:07

It can happen, I was in my 30’s when I met DH

We got engaged after 3 weeks and married 8 weeks later. We’re still married and happy 20
years later

Both of us describe it as meeting the other half of me and feeling totally at home with each other

We shocked many friends and family and sadly some definitely hoped it would go wrong but we are still the missing pieces of each other’s puzzle and after 2 years of being locked in together due to covid, the best of friends

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