To be in love in four weeks

[mmarket]

A bit lighthearted (and I promise I am a very sensible, fully grown, non-teenager..) but I have been dating a new man for four weeks and, although I haven't said it to him, I feel as though I'm in love.

I've had serious, long term relationships before, and it's usually taken a number of months to fall in love. But this time, we just can't get enough of each other. We're seeing each other every chance we get, laughing, deep chats etc.

Maybe it's just infatuation, but AIBU to think I might be in love so quickly? How long does it usually take? Trying to keep my rational, sensible head on!

I'm of the 'ofc it's limerence/lust/chemicals' camp but I have to stick up for Athrawes, it is totally possible to feel love (or whatever) for someone in your life where it doesn't work out in the end and it can happen more than once too.

'The One' is utter bollocks IMO & normally from the generation that overdosed on Barbara Cartland novels.

Love at first sight. Literally. Married 45 years and now he is terminally ill. The 'limerance' lasted 25 years for me so go with your heart, enjoy your love and ignore the naysayers. It can and does happen, even though it no longer seems fashionable.

I think the English language is really inadequate in only having one word for love. Personally I think there are stages of love, yes you are in a type of love now. Over time it may deepen and strengthen into a different kind of love.

I think is on point. There’s lots of different types of love.

I definitely felt strongly about now exDH from the day I met him. There was something different about him, we moved pretty quickly and until the last few years I’d have said we were one of the couples it worked out for. Loved him a lot, it didn’t work out, the love eventually faded and we split last year but we had 10 years and just because the love didn’t last forever doesn’t mean it wasn’t love.

Now DP I’ve known forever, we’ve been in and out of each others’ lives since we were kids, lost touch since our respective marriages. Got back in touch as friends while both marriages were falling apart, met up after a while and I’ve never known anything like it. Bolt from the blue. It was like everything in me went oh, it’s you. Was on a level far beyond anything I’d ever felt for exDH. He felt the same. 6 months on and if anything it’s more intense than ever. He feels like home. And there are none of the red flags that were there and I ignored with exDH.
Obviously I don’t know how it’ll go but we are both definitely in it for the long haul. If we didn’t both have children involved we’d almost certainly be living together by now and would have been for a while! But obviously slightly different as he wasn’t a stranger to start with and we had the background of lots of years of history. But god. If I’d known it could be like this I wouldn’t have settled for anything less. And if it doesn’t work out (which I’m pretty sure it will!) then the strength of what I feel for him won’t have any less value for not having been long term. The feelings will still be valid!

OP, enjoy it - I’m having the time of my life! I hope it works out for you

Also - @AgathaMystery - what happened with the man?! Don’t leave us hanging!

Hmm I think there’s stages. In a way, I fell in love with my bf pretty much straight away. Within a couple of weeks I knew that I couldn’t ever see a life without him and I’ve never felt like that before.

That said, despite my strong feelings I was riddled with insecurities in the early months, not helped by the fact it was a LDR. If he was going out drinking and I didn’t hear from him all night I would be beside myself worrying about what he was up to. But after at a guess I’d say about 9 months, I truly learnt to trust him, just because I I’d got to know him a lot better and he’d proven in so many ways that he’d never let me down, and I think that’s when the proper love began. I think you have to have trust to have love, and you can’t possibly really trust someone after a few weeks.

@WhenIsItTooLate

Also - *@AgathaMystery* - what happened with the man?! Don’t leave us hanging!

Ha! WELL.

We were 17 & I was living abroad (in his country). We started dating immediately (within 20 mins of first meeting we went out for lunch) & lived happily ever after until the pure stress of not being able to be together did for us. We spent years on planes going back and forth seeing one another but visa restrictions were very stringent and we were very young with limited incomes.

He decided to join the military as it would bring him to England. Years of tours began. They kept moving his planes out of England. The year he was in south Korea was the worst.

In 2004 We had a weekend together over a new year in Europe where he told me he had met someone else. We were 7 years in at this point.

(I spent 6 months in absolute shock and then went out with a friend to the pub and met my now husband. A lovely, brilliant, sexy, kind man who is a wonderful father to our DC as well.)

We spoke again about a year later - he had called me on his wedding day. A year later he called again, I correctly guessed he was about to become a father.

4 years later we were geographically the closest we had been in years - just 800 miles apart in another country. Sheer coincidence. We met for one day, had a beautiful walk together & mutually agreed that because we could not tell our spouses about the day that we would not meet again.

10 years on from that day and we live an hour away from one another. We have made no plans to meet & I do not think we will ever see each other again. We occasionally message one another but I keep a very tight lid on it. It does not spill over into my ‘life’ so to speak.

I think there is parallel universe where we are together and have been married since about 2001. Crumbs I could write a book about it.

You think you're in love. There's a difference.

thevillageshop I’m sorry to hear that. I hope you can enjoy the time you have left together

I knew pretty quickly when I met dh that this was it, told him I loved him after about 6 weeks and we pretty much moved in together within a few weeks as well.
We’ve been together more than 20 years now

You can't know yet, yes it will have happened to some people that the infatuation/lust has lasted and they continued on where it became long term so it felt like love at finest sight but plenty others fizzle out. I'd say the latter is more common

Enjoy this lovely time. But see it for what it is - the early Lust and novelty
When the shine wears off - the deeper feelings may emerge - which includes love