To think this is normal practise in most schools?

[Edenspirits]

My kids school have always used ‘grown ups’ rather than mum & dad so this isn’t actually unusual - the mail kicking off about it though (probably because its Brighton) in

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-10527267/amp/Parent-fury-Brighton-primary-schools-tell-students-NOT-say-mum-dad.html

@cakeorwine exactly!

Mums, Dads, parents & carers in our schools. Parents and carers used quite a lot but children allowed to talk freely about, and make cards on special occasions, for Mums and Dads. Sensitivity given to children with non-traditional (known or not known) families, bereaved, etc. Quite a few grandparents involved in school drop-off, childcare and in some cases that the children live with, so grandparents also mentioned frequently where it made sense to do so.

"Grown-ups" doesn't make sense as "grown-ups" are all adults the child will meet and not just their trusted caregivers and primary and secondary familial relationships. There could be safeguarding issues saying "grown-ups" too much when you mean parents or other primary caregivers only. I don't think the school in question has got this quite right, whatever their good intentions were.

There could be safeguarding issues saying "grown-ups" too much when you mean parents or other primary caregivers only

@Yearofthetygerburningbright really? What safeguarding issues would those be then?

[quote Edenspirits]@Rupertgrintismyguiltypleasure the schools aren’t trying to dictate anyone’s life. They are trying to make kids feel safe and included in school[/quote]
That’s fine but if kids want to say mum or dad or grown ups, it’s up to them, schools shouldn’t be encouraging it. One of My daughters teachers says grown ups and the other says mums and dads and grown ups. They don’t tell the kids they can’t say it though.

Letters have been addressed to parents/guardian since I was at school because even then, back in the 70s not every child lived with their parents.

When children are being picked up from school etc I’ll ask them if they can see their grown-up or to given the letter straight to their grown-up etc. This doesn’t only reflect the household of the children but the people who collect who range from older siblings and cousins to grandparents.

I also find that using grown up in the classroom is easier and means I’m less likely to stereotype. It’s better that I say ‘I’m sure a grown up at home can fix this/sew it back on’ or ‘which grown up made your lunch today’ than assume gender based roles.

As an aside I don’t think I have ever taught a year group where every single child lived with a parent.

No one is telling the kids not to say mum and dad. It’s just a bullshit click bait headline.

No doubt the Government will insist that all schools refer to all such people as Mums or Dads because that's what the DM insist. Or am I just being too cynical and anti Government and anti DM?

And then they will probably ban schools from talking about families who are different and insist they give another viewpoint to balance it out.....

Growing up with my single parent mother, I used to resent it when teachers would say - ooh you can take that home to show mummy and daddy! Well, I’ve not seen my dad for 6 months thanks…

“you can take it home and show people” is a totally straightforward swap that doesn’t run the risk of making a child feel like their family is the wrong kind of set up.

Parent or guardian.

At primary I’d expect the class teacher to know and use language appropriate to the situation of the children.

I know the set-ups of most of the children in my daughter’s class. Given there are 30 mums on the WhatsApp group, mum is a fairly safe bet. I’m not as confident on the dad’s but would know at least 20 by sight, know another 6 exist even if I’ve never met them. So vast majority in the nuclear family model. I know one family that is on a 50:50 custody arrangement and the other 4 I don’t know about.

I’d expect a teacher to know more than me so if there are children being cared for by grandparents etc then to use terminology applicable to them.

They don’t tell the kids they can’t say it though.

No schools are doing this though are they, that's the whole point. They are just promoting adults to use more neutral terminology to avoid causing unnecessary upset. The children can and always will be able to use any words they like.

At my school we would either say adults or parents. "grown ups' sounds a bit twee.

@Yearofthetygerburningbright “speak to an adult you trust” was always the parlance in the agony aunt columns of teen magazines when I was younger 😂 it’s actually quite good, I’ve used it myself as I know that ‘living with parents’ doesn’t always translate into ‘feeling like you can talk to parents’.

When I’m saying this at school I refer to ‘an adult at home’ or ‘your grown ups’ as there is a child in my class who is adopted, one whose parents have both died and now lives with an uncle and aunt and another child who lives with grandparents. It’s just an easy way for them not to feel excluded that little bit more.
Life has already been incredibly tricky for them without more reminders of how different their circumstances. Majority of children will live with at least 1 biological parent.

We’ve always used grown up or adult. It saves a whole range of issues. No-one is saying you can’t say mum or dad if you live with mum and/or dad. Just collectively, teachers will use grown ups/adults etc.

Why are people so offended about everything?!

Completely off topic but I've now seen and heard the word 'grown up' too many times and I can't stop it sounding weird

My daughter always refers to ‘grownups’ from her school.

In my school, we know our students individually so don’t have to use generic terms, we know who their families are.

My daughter’s school has no idea who we are or our family set up.

I work in primary. We don’t tell child how to refer to their family. They mostly say mum and dad or mum or dad.

I teach pshe. If asking children who they would talk to about an issue I would say parents, mum, dad, an adult etc.

The Daily Mail love to get their knickers in a twist about ‘woke Brighton’. Obviously this article is nonsense, and obviously their core demographic laps this shit up.

Well at our school it's split between parents and grandparents pretty evenly at drop off and pick up times. The teachers recognise us all which is pretty impressive

I'm a teacher and refer to grown ups. I don't expect the children to do this though.

I use 'grown ups' or 'parent or carer'.
Kids have so many circumstances it covers it

My experience is that schools say "your parents or carers", or "your grown ups", or "your parents and grown ups". This has been for more than 12 years I've heard this and it's just responsive to blended/gay families really.

@rc22

I'm a teacher and refer to grown ups. I don't expect the children to do this though.

Quite. I’ve never heard a child do it. For most of my children I know their parents so will talk about their mum and dad/mum and Tommy/mum and Julie/grandad and Nicky/Dad and Annie/Nanny Sue/Aunty Stacey. But when I talk to the whole class it’s easier to say grown up. And it’s not ‘twee’ it’s language suitable for a 5 year old.