Do most Teenagers do drugs?

[Oslosunshine]

DD is 17. She was at a party last night and I got a call from her as it got shut down by the police. One of the girls at the party was taken to hospital in an ambulance after an overdose. Today I had a chat with the mum of the boy who’s party it was and she was, to be expected, incredibly frustrated as she had to fly back to deal with the fallout. Thankfully the police were only really fussed about the noise after the neighbours complained and nothing is being taken further.

However, this prompted me to speak to my DD about why drugs should be avoided and about being sensible etc. DD got very defensive and told me that everyone does drugs, ‘MDMA is safer than alcohol’ and lots more to that extent.

I was incredibly shocked- I know DD smokes (both cigarettes and weed) and whilst I would prefer her to stop, she’s 17 and like most of my peers, I did the same at her age. However, I knew absolutely nothing of the hard drugs and how common they are with her friends.

DH is also worried but sees it as an almost given. He went to a similar school in London to hers and was in a similar ‘scene’ when he was younger and confirms that it is very much the norm.

Mum of the party boy agreed that coke, ketamine, MDMA are all very normalised with their peers and thinks the best course of action is to educate them on dosages, rather than pleading with them to stop.

I feel so naive; I feel as if I have failed my daughter by bringing her up in this privileged inner city London environment where most of the DC have the money for these expensive drugs. But DH thinks it’s not our fault and that this happens everywhere. It certainly didn’t happen on this scale when I was growing up in a less privileged, more suburban area.

Is this normal for teenagers everywhere/ was I just incredibly sheltered growing up?

I don't think most do, I think some do. Probably the majority might have a bit of weed on the odd occasion. Some do harder drugs but our experience is it's clusters within a group rather than widespread.

It's very easily available, but my kids and their friends are more interested in funding gig tickets, console games and clothes. Given the widespread revulsion and disgust at one kid passed out on K at a recent house party, I'd say drugs are not necessarily regarded as particularly cool or desirable.

It's rife in the London schools I know, and this was the case when I was at school 40 years ago.
Was also the case 20 years ago in most urban areas and also rural areas , although more weed rather than Class A.
I do think the best you can do is have discussions around dosage and safe behaviour.
And encourage activities like sports/drama to keep them busy and needing to get up in the morning with a clear head.

@Cottonfrenzie
I don’t find @JudyGemstone attitude shocking at all. It’s a really mean (for lack of a better word) thing to do, to tell on someone for that. If you are concerned that someone is taking drugs, telling a pastoral Head of Year out of concern for your peer is absolutely fine. Calling the police is nothing short of cruel.

Unfortunately in similar circumstances to you, it is so worrying. 15 is about the age of starting these days :(

[quote Oslosunshine]@AlexaShutUp
That is surely incredibly rare. You can also die by walking in front of a bus whilst sober or drunk, it doesn’t mean it’s a likely occurrence. Obviously, I would prefer my DD to not partake in any drug usage, but if she is going to, I want her to be as safe as possible.[/quote]
It may well be incredibly rare, but that wasn't much comfort to her family and friends.

And yes, you might walk in front of a bus. Accidents happen. This was self inflicted, and it made it so much harder for her family to bear.

I get that other parents are cool about their kids doing drugs. Each to their own. Personally I cannot erase the memory of my friend's distraught mother at her funeral.

@CounsellorTroi
I know more people who’ve been taken to hospital and had their stomachs pumped due to alcohol than any drug related issues confused

But not after a few drinks, usually. Often stag night misadventures.

I think the disgust some people have on here for those children who take drugs is really out of order.

I for one want my daughter, along with everyone else in her position, to ideally stop taking them, or at the very least, be as safe as possible.

I think long term decriminalisation or ideally legalising drugs like Mdma is the best way forward, to ensure safe usage.

[quote Oslosunshine]@Cottonfrenzie
I don’t find @JudyGemstone attitude shocking at all. It’s a really mean (for lack of a better word) thing to do, to tell on someone for that. If you are concerned that someone is taking drugs, telling a pastoral Head of Year out of concern for your peer is absolutely fine. Calling the police is nothing short of cruel.[/quote]
I assumed they did tell a teacher then the police were called.

It didn't occur to me they called the police directly. Maybe the poster can clarify

I stand by my point - drugs should not be on site and it's right to report it (I think to a teacher in the first instance would make sense). Drugs in school is a huge safeguarding issue and should not be ignored

@AlexaShutUp
I’m so sorry that happened to your friend. I just don’t see how incidents like that, which are incredibly rare, mean that all drug taking is automatically awful.

The war on drugs is ridiculous and if they were legalised and therefore regulated, incidents like that would become far more rare. In the meantime, stories like that will not prevent DC for taking drugs and because of that, shaming people into locking their children up so they can’t harm themselves, is really unhelpful.

@DelphiniumBlue

It's rife in the London schools I know, and this was the case when I was at school 40 years ago. Was also the case 20 years ago in most urban areas and also rural areas , although more weed rather than Class A. I do think the best you can do is have discussions around dosage and safe behaviour. And encourage activities like sports/drama to keep them busy and needing to get up in the morning with a clear head.

I agree, @DelphiniumBlue, my DD is on a sports team and the coaches talk to them about a healthy lifestyle contributing to their performance - plus she doesn't have much free time with five practices a week, six occasionally.

Ironically, SM can also discourage binge drinking/drug taking, because literally everything can be recorded and shared. DD knows people who've experienced consequences due to behaviour posted online (school suspensions).

@Cottonfrenzie
The poster seemed almost proud that her daughter had got some of her friends kicked out of school!

@Oslosunshine

I think the disgust some people have on here for those children who take drugs is really out of order.

I for one want my daughter, along with everyone else in her position, to ideally stop taking them, or at the very least, be as safe as possible.

I think long term decriminalisation or ideally legalising drugs like Mdma is the best way forward, to ensure safe usage.

Whether you think decrim should happen is besides the point. Buying drugs does support criminal gangs, like it or not.

I think it's hardly out of order to be upset about children participating in drug use. Hardly out of order. I haven't actually seen anyone say they are disgusted, I wouldn't say that's the right word. Mote concerned/disappointed

I've never done drugs, nor has anyone in our circle of friends, same with both my brother and sister (she's still in her 20s). I've never been to a party where this sort of thing was happening, even at uni, no one did it. Funny thing is my parents never said to any of us "dont do drugs", they didn't need to!! I've never even tried smoking, we must mix in sheltered circles. Definitely not the norm and don't let teenagers normalise this, I think she needs some new friends.

@LagunaBubbles

No of course it isn't normal everywhere. I'm not naive I know drug taking goes on but thankfully not "all teenagers".

I agree. I have never told DD not to take drugs, but I have approached it from the point of view that since they are illegal and not regulated she won't know what she is taking. Also, at that age she was aiming for medical school and I told her that she would fail a DBS check if she got involved with drugs.

DD has friends who smoke weed, but as far as I know, no-one in her friendship circle takes any other kind of illegal drug. Also, she has health issues and is worried that any illegal substance she ingests would affect her negatively. DD just sticks to legal drugs - alcohol.

Peer pressure is a difficult thing to deal with, so if the OP's DD's friends all take drugs she probably does think that all young people do.

They don't, they really don't.

[quote Oslosunshine]@Cottonfrenzie
The poster seemed almost proud that her daughter had got some of her friends kicked out of school![/quote]
Well yes, and I think that's fine. They brought illegal drugs into school property. You have to question why. Addiction? To look 'cool'? Or dealing on site perhaps?

It's a safeguarding issue to the drug takers and the wider school so yes they need to be kicked out of school and her daughter did nothing wrong

Was very commonplace where I grew up.
There was a massive “class divide” in the town I grew up in. There was my extremely rough comprehensive school and a smaller, private grammar school. We would mix socially at parties etc, and it was the kids from the private school who were always dealing - presumably because they could afford to buy copious amounts of various drugs and sell them on, whereas me and my friends couldn’t.
Pills, weed, coke and ketamine were all very common alongside alcohol.
Personally, I turned to the drugs and alcohol to numb myself to the world (was experiencing some pretty horrendous abuse between the ages of 13-15) and as hard as it is to admit, I had an escalating problem with cocaine by the age of 15. Every spare penny I had was spent on it. Not just at parties either. I was doing a quick line before school most days, then could usually manage until my lunch break at school where I’d then do another couple. It wasn’t just me. There were numerous “troubled kids” like me who were doing drugs every day not just socially at parties etc.

My dd is 17 also and lots of them do yes. She smokes grass very occasionally and thats it because we lost a family member to drug addiction. She openly tells me though who was on what at bigger parties. Mdma and Cocaine are pretty common place.

I didn’t and neither did my friends. Didn’t see any drug use at school or uni but did in my 20s - tended to be the more generally extroverted/risk taking people I knew and those same qualities meant they were also pretty professionally successful. Not massively hard drugs though. Was quite happy to let them get in with it and not join in.

@ImGoingOutOut

I've never done drugs, nor has anyone in our circle of friends, same with both my brother and sister (she's still in her 20s). I've never been to a party where this sort of thing was happening, even at uni, no one did it. Funny thing is my parents never said to any of us "dont do drugs", they didn't need to!! I've never even tried smoking, we must mix in sheltered circles. Definitely not the norm and don't let teenagers normalise this, I think she needs some new friends.

The same here. In fact, I remember back in school it was actually shameful or embarrassing if you did drugs. No one wanted to be that type of child or associate with them. Dh says the same. We went through university and careers without encountering this, so it definitely is not normal for everyone.

[quote Oslosunshine]@AlexaShutUp
I’m so sorry that happened to your friend. I just don’t see how incidents like that, which are incredibly rare, mean that all drug taking is automatically awful.

The war on drugs is ridiculous and if they were legalised and therefore regulated, incidents like that would become far more rare. In the meantime, stories like that will not prevent DC for taking drugs and because of that, shaming people into locking their children up so they can’t harm themselves, is really unhelpful.[/quote]
Yes, I agree that there may be an argument to decriminalise and regulate the use of certain drugs. I am not necessarily opposed to that, though I would need to know more about the risks of specific drugs before I could have a definitive opinion on the matter.

And yes, I agree that some kids will take drugs regardless and it is better to do it safely if they're going to do it at all. I don't think they are disgusting for doing it...just stupid, but I'm sure we've all done stupid things in our time.

What I don't really get is why so many parents are so blasé about it. I think people are kidding themselves when they assume that all teenagers are doing it, and I also think that they often underestimate the risks.

No of course not. I didn't. Though I know plenty that did.

I think so
It was when I was a teenager I did all of that
I was 16-19 doing it then I settled down

I don't think most teenagers do drugs at 17 but when they get to uni there are very few who don't.

I got an interesting perspective from a young teacher. He had been asked to do the drugs talk to Y11/12.
He reckoned the drug education he got at school was worse than useless because it was simply "don't do it or you'll die."

He really wanted to educate them about how to do drugs safely if they chose to do them, simple precautions to take. Of course he didn't and stuck to the school policy.

@Oslosunshine

I think the disgust some people have on here for those children who take drugs is really out of order.

I for one want my daughter, along with everyone else in her position, to ideally stop taking them, or at the very least, be as safe as possible.

I think long term decriminalisation or ideally legalising drugs like Mdma is the best way forward, to ensure safe usage.

Completely agree - there are charities doing great work around harm reduction and safety, The Loop is one, The Drop is another thats local to us in Bristol and people like Drug Policy Alliance campaign for reform and for education and compassion rather than punitiveness.

Have just seen this recent article in the times too:

www.thetimes.co.uk/article/our-drugs-laws-are-mind-bendingly-stupid-d2z72p7wr

As a teenager the most I did was smelling some poppers from Camden market and drinking Hooch in the park.

As a young adult? Absolutely but I was big enough and old enough to know what I was doing.