"I didn't want to read and run"

[saraclara]

Seriously, don't do this. What's the point? What does it even say to anyone? It adds nothing to what follows. How does it help the OP, who is generally posting about something distressing?

The ridiculous thing is that almost always, people who start with this phrase then make a perfectly average length post below it, just like everyone else.

Aaaaargh. It infuriates me. AIBU? (hint: I'm not)

@OnwardsAndSideways1

I always read it as a positive thing- I see your post, I see you are upset, I don't know how to fix it but want to say something encouraging.

I don't usually post things like this, but if I did it wouldn't be to place-mark, you can do that by watching a thread.

How is it saying something encouraging?

When I see the phrase I didn't want to read and run the first thing that comes to my mind is So why did you? because that is exactly what you are doing and why did you have to point it out that that is what you are doing? I'd have been none the wiser if you had just read and run, why the bizarre need to excuse or justify it? It adds nothing to the thread.

I'm with you, op. It's clichéd and annoying. If you want to show sympathy, show sympathy. Don't just trot a cliche because you can't be bothered to write out a meaningful sentence.

What I often want to put is, ‘I didn’t want to read it at all, because it’s sooooo loooong - with no paragraphs! So I didn’t.

(But I never have - yet.)

When I see the phrase I didn't want to read and run the first thing that comes to my mind is So why did you? because that is exactly what you are doing and why did you have to point it out that that is what you are doing? I'd have been none the wiser if you had just read and run, why the bizarre need to excuse or justify it? It adds nothing to the thread.

100% that. Either post or don't post. The phrase adds nothing at all other than making the post about you. Just say whatever empathetic thing you planned to say.
The read and run bit isn't empathetic of itself at all. It is literally ONLY about the person posting.

I like it, its horrible posting about something, perhaps waited ages to post it and kept changing your mind etc, to sit and see no replies.

I'm sure the more popular threads are seen higher up the list so it helps get more traffic.

And as another poster said, the acknowledgement is sometimes needed. But if its a lighthearted thread or not about death or something you are not being unreasonable.

@WTHiswrongwithme

Hi OP, I didn’t want to read and run, but I haven’t really got anything to add so ehm, someone wise will come along soon. Byeee

😝

🤣

Actually I'm going to say this again.

"I didn't want to read and run" isn't empathetic of itself at all. There is not a shred of empathy in any of those words. The phrase is literally ONLY about the feelings of the person posting. Not a single word is about the OP.

So let's have no more posts saying it's all about empathy.

I did it this morning for the first time.

Was really to bump the thread with no replies for someone anxious about their child. A few people with experience came along later. Won't bother next time in case someone gets annoyed

I’m reading and running 👀

@Aboutcoffee

I did it this morning for the first time.

Was really to bump the thread with no replies for someone anxious about their child. A few people with experience came along later. Won't bother next time in case someone gets annoyed

Well you can bump it by saying anything. Even 'bumping in the hope that someone helpful will see this' will do. There's no reason to use the 'me me me' phrase.

@saraclara

Actually I'm going to say this again.

"I didn't want to read and run" isn't empathetic of itself at all. There is not a shred of empathy in any of those words. The phrase is literally ONLY about the feelings of the person posting. Not a single word is about the OP.

So let's have no more posts saying it's all about empathy.

Of course it's empathetic. You can't declare something as not having empathy. The fact that the poster is saying 'I didn't want to ignore you, I want you to feel seen / heard' is immensely empathetic.

You have a real arrogance problem, saraclara.

You have a real arrogance problem, saraclara.

I suspect you have a real comprehension problem, along with your sense of humour failure.

saraclara

I wish I had your dogmatic convictions. Life must be so simple.

If someone is trying to show empathy and it fails (in your view) but they genuinely thought they were demonstrating it, would they be empty of empathy? Or just not very good at demonstrating it?

@saraclara

You have a real arrogance problem, saraclara. I suspect you have a real comprehension problem, along with your sense of humour failure.

Sending unmumsnetty hugs.

@saraclara

Actually I'm going to say this again.

"I didn't want to read and run" isn't empathetic of itself at all. There is not a shred of empathy in any of those words. The phrase is literally ONLY about the feelings of the person posting. Not a single word is about the OP.

So let's have no more posts saying it's all about empathy.

Well, you might have comprehension difficulties on this human interaction but the majority of people on this thread don't. And being as I have never seen a poster respond to a 'read and runner' with ' that was a really unnecessary and self absorbed thing to say' it doesn't seem many recipients are offended by it either.

What they are saying is, as pointed out endlessly, 'I don't want to leave you thinking no-one/ hardly anyone gives a shit about you in your distress'. What they are saying is, ' I have read, I have heard, I do care.
I want you to know that so that my caring is not a private thing that only exists to make me feel good about myself. I am telling you, so that you get the benefit of knowing someone cares. Oh and here's a bump for you too' That's why these comments are usually, in my experience, at the start of this thread.

Its very normal when someone is distressed to want to know someone cares. Most people understand that. That is why they post their distress on social media. That is why the 'runners' are saying 'I care' . They know that is what is wanted.

@saraclara

More than 55 people think I'm being unreasonable? The world is going to hell in a handcart.

I see it as people who are actually much nicer than me, who don't know the answer or have any useful advice but don't want to leave the upset poster hanging, feeling ignored in their moment of need.

@Aboutcoffee

I did it this morning for the first time.

Was really to bump the thread with no replies for someone anxious about their child. A few people with experience came along later. Won't bother next time in case someone gets annoyed

Well there you go.

This demonstrates the point a pp made about this thread being damaging because it puts people off making this caring comment.

Can’t believe even a thread like this becomes a source of arguments
Honestly - so odd to think in all likelihood your parents!

Handhold and 💐 for you. Here is a little something extra to get through the voting 🍾, which was 50/50 when I voted. (My pet peeve too.)

I see it as people who are actually much nicer than me, who don't know the answer or have any useful advice but don't want to leave the upset poster hanging, feeling ignored in their moment of need.

But those "much nicer" people can just say what they've typed after that phrase. It's not like it's ALL they say. They follow it up with the same sort of thing that everyone else has said. So why preface it with "I didn't want to read and run"? I have never once seen "I didn't want to read and run" as the entirety of the post. So why not leave it out?

Sigh. This is getting to be really hard work.

Can someone tell me exactly what the phrase adds to what the poster follows it with?

@saraclara

You have a real arrogance problem, saraclara. I suspect you have a real comprehension problem, along with your sense of humour failure.

What have I failed to comprehend?

You seem to lack a basic grasp of the English language.

@PainterMummy

Handhold and 💐 for you. Here is a little something extra to get through the voting 🍾, which was 50/50 when I voted. (My pet peeve too.)

Now THAT'S empathy. Have some cake.

@saraclara

I see it as people who are actually much nicer than me, who don't know the answer or have any useful advice but don't want to leave the upset poster hanging, feeling ignored in their moment of need.

But those "much nicer" people can just say what they've typed after that phrase. It's not like it's ALL they say. They follow it up with the same sort of thing that everyone else has said. So why preface it with "I didn't want to read and run"? I have never once seen "I didn't want to read and run" as the entirety of the post. So why not leave it out?

Sigh. This is getting to be really hard work.

Can someone tell me exactly what the phrase adds to what the poster follows it with?

I have never said it but maybe it's because those posters know that what they're going to say isn't going to be actually useful in any real sense. But yeah they could easily say "just here to support" or something.

But yeah they could easily say "just here to support" or something.

Yes, that's quite a nice alternative that I hadn't thought of.

But yeah they could easily say "just here to support" or something

That is what they are saying. That is what the phrase means.