"I didn't want to read and run"

[saraclara]

Seriously, don't do this. What's the point? What does it even say to anyone? It adds nothing to what follows. How does it help the OP, who is generally posting about something distressing?

The ridiculous thing is that almost always, people who start with this phrase then make a perfectly average length post below it, just like everyone else.

Aaaaargh. It infuriates me. AIBU? (hint: I'm not)

Are you ok hun? Feel free to pm me babe.

I don't specifically say "I didn't want to read and run" but have posted on a thread that's languishing without replies because I know posting will bump the thread, and sometimes just knowing someone has heard you ask for help is a comfort in itself.

My responses are probably banal, but never glib.

"I didn't want to read and run" is shorthand for "I don't have time right now to give you the proper response I see you deserve, but please know, I acknowledge you're in pain, you deserve better than that, and I wish I could help you."

If someone posts in an obscure forum or in the middle of the night, it can sometimes be the only reply they get for a while. Which can feel better than no reply.

YABU, OP. It's meant out of kindness.

@catscatscatseverywhere haha

It's very sensible, you could do yourself a nasty injury by reading and running at the same time.

@saraclara

I don't like the way this vote is going. Where's the empathy for ME, I'd like to know.

Sending love n light hun xx

@saraclara

It is self indulgent

All humour aside, I genuinely see it this way. It's a phrase that is entirely unnecessary when there are other phrases that can express empathy and helplessness. The only thing it does that the others don't, is bring attention to the poster, whose 'being nice even though I'm really busy'.

They almost always follow it with a perfectly empathetic few sentences that would have been every bit as effective without the 'look at me' intro.

That's very cynical.

I really don't see it like that. I don't see it as posters being too busy either - as pp said - they are not actually running anywhere. Its just a way of saying, I have nothing helpful to say but I want you to know you have been heard and cared for. And I notice them at the start of threads, you know, a bump like others have said.

People use it instead of other phrases, just because its relevant for the context of being on a social media site. Rather than real life.

There's nothing wrong with letting an upset poster know that they are not alone, even if you know you lack the knowledge to advise them. The sentiment matters more than the choice of words imo

I think that sort of poster adds more value to mn than the ones who respond to a distressed OP with some spiteful comment about how the op is too long, or not going to read all that, or "paragraphs!" or "it's spelled distraught not destraught op".

I think that sort of poster adds more value to mn than the ones who respond to a distressed OP with some spiteful comment about how the op is too long, or not going to read all that, or "paragraphs!" or "it's spelled distraught not destraught op".

Hey, don't get me started on the SPAG zealots. But I can dislike two things at once, it turns out!

I'm sorry you are going thought this

*though ffs

Oh I give up. I can spell, honestly.

@fruitbrewhaha

I'm sorry you are going thought this

About time!

I think it’s a harmless well-meaning thing. Yes there are better ways to phrase such feelings but this is an Internet forum, nobody owes anyone professional grade writing.

@fruitbrewhaha

Oh I give up. I can spell, honestly.

If it wasn't for the flowers, obviously I'd have launched into a spelling and grammar rage.

@saraclara

I think that sort of poster adds more value to mn than the ones who respond to a distressed OP with some spiteful comment about how the op is too long, or not going to read all that, or "paragraphs!" or "it's spelled distraught not destraught op".

Hey, don't get me started on the SPAG zealots. But I can dislike two things at once, it turns out!

Me too. Its a good skill to have. I just reserve it for unpleasant or sarky ones rather than ones trying to be supportive, however they express it.

@sadpapercourtesan

I don't mind it, though I've never actually posted it.

To me, it just says that the poster doesn't necessarily think they have much to offer in terms of constructive, informed advice, but want to offer a hand-hold/acknowledgement/a bit of compassion to the OP while they wait for said advice to arrive.

I think it's quite nice, tbh. Doesn't annoy me.

That's my take

I’d never heard the phrase anywhere else so I think it’s also that people ‘fit in’ and adapt their language to the setting they are in.

I NEVER call my husband ‘darling husband’ but have learned that this is the phrase on this forum so use it.

I think it’s most often that it feels bad to read someone’s distress and just ignore it. I think it shows empathy and how even just with words, we are connected by our shared humanness. I think the words ‘didn’t want to read and run’ are just short hand for that which fit the setting.

If some do use it to place mark I guess that’s a bit rubbish, but we don’t know so let’s initially assume positive rather than negative intentions of our fellow humans.

we don’t know so let’s initially assume positive rather than negative intentions of our fellow humans.

This is Mumsnet. Next you'll be expecting us to assume positive intentions of our MILs!

I think it shows that someone's post has been read, ie not ignored. The responder may not know what to say, at least not at that time, but acknowledges the other person.

Now I will say no more on the subject, for fear of wittering on aimlessly ;).

I read your post carefully OP and gave it the level of consideration it deserved. I didn't want to read and run, so I didn't. I sprung on my tippy toes in a sideways direction until your tetchiness was a speck on the horizon.

I don't think it shows empathy at all. If anything, it shows the poster is rather self-absorbed. Too much "I" and not enough of the other person in focus. If they feel they need to make a short comment about the OP, why not make it actually about them rather than how they are just passing through in their busy busy lives.

@heronsinflight

It's very sensible, you could do yourself a nasty injury by reading and running at the same time.

I saw it recently n a very long running thread in the relationships forum. There were loads of replies already so the poster could really have 'read and run' in that case .

@sonjadog

I don't think it shows empathy at all. If anything, it shows the poster is rather self-absorbed. Too much "I" and not enough of the other person in focus. If they feel they need to make a short comment about the OP, why not make it actually about them rather than how they are just passing through in their busy busy lives.

No, they are saying 'I hear, I care' . That's an appropriate response as people have posted, in their distress, on social media. People want to know other people give a shit about them. That is why ' don't want to read and runners' have replied to show they give a shit.

We are social mammals. We are programmed to want to feel connected to other people and that our 'community' (online) hears and connects and cares. That is why social media has been such a whopping hit with our species. It connects us to other people. It meets that evolved need.