To not want to go to inlaws wedding

[Mallary34]

Posting on here for traffic

Recently me and dp have been on/off sick for alot of different reasons. Mainly catching things and unfortunate events. Im a sahm and he works full time. Whenever he has time off as he is self employed we have no money to cover the sick days. These past couple of months have been tight and his sick days have meant me forking into my savings to afford stuff for our dc.

Dps brother is getting married next month. He has invited over ahundred guests. I get high anxiety as it is in croeds non covid related aside. I cant enjoy myself when it is busy and instead the days out usually become stressful and a blur. Me and dp have luckily not caught covid. But my worry is going to this inside venue with all these people not being able to wear a mask ( i still do) or socially distance.

The thing is if either of us get ill again we cant afford another day off let alone week. I cant ksep us afloat as a these sick days are eating into my savings. Our dc is only short of one yrs old and if i become ill i know it will be me having to look after dc alone.

The stress of this all is just eating me up. I have communicated my financial and health worries to dp but neither of us know what to do about it.

I dont want him to miss out on his brother's wedding but im hesistant to go.

Suggestions on what to do?

I am sure you could turn down the invite. Maybe cite childcare issues? Then let your DH go and enjoys his brothers wedding. I certainly wouldn't ask him not to go.

It’s his brothers wedding.
Go.

I think you’re being a little unreasonable here, sorry. You’re worried about a possibility of getting sick from other people. It’s your husband’s brother’s wedding, you should go.

Use a mask, wash hands, use first defence etc if you want to but I think it’s unreasonable to decline going just in case you might be ill afterwards

DH needs to go, it's his brother's wedding.

I think you’re catastrophising and looking for an excuse not to go as you just don’t want to. That’s valid, lots of people hate weddings, but ‘not liking crowds’ probably won’t fly with the family as a justifiable reason. Covid is sort of on the back burner now so that may not fly with them either.

Re your finances, have you plans to go back to work once your child is one?

I know dh needs to go. I said that in my op. Im asking suggestions around help for financially as we cant afford more sicks days and the stress of not been able to afford food is alot.

Also im asking for advice on what i should concerning my anxiety. And whether it is acceptable that i miss out

Tell your DP you don't want to go and he can go by himself. They'll be plenty of family there he can sit with/talk to.

@T00Ts
That is just not true. I love weddings. But i hate crowds. The other day i went out to a busy shopping centre and hated every second of it/just wanted to leave.

Im not lying. I am hyper aware that covid is spreading more easily at the moment and im also aware that people have let their guards down alot so likelihood of social distancing and mask wearing is close to none.

Can anyone do extra hours to give you a buffer?

It’s not acceptable, but it’s something that you can do.
You don’t have to go, but it would be better to go.

I would suggest you go to the doctor, see if they can offer some support.

You mention savings so that’s good, are you able to get a job working in the evenings or weekends?

I love weddings. But i hate crowds

Ok well they tend to come as a bit of a package at times.

You say you’re asking for financial help. Can you work as well? I might have missed something on that.

I'm really sorry, I think you need to work on building your financial resources for this one.

Maybe offer a wedding present of time not money (gardening?). Re money, could you look at doing some babysitting or any skill you have that you can do a few hours or shifts of? It sounds like you desperately need to build up your savings again and this could be a cue to do that.

Maybe see a GP? If your anxiety is this severe they could help with strategies/medication to cope.

It's his brother's wedding. If you can go to a shopping centre you can go to this, even just for the ceremony.

Does it make much difference if you don't go though? In that it's your DH needing time off sick that will eat into your savings, and as you said he has to go.

If you're struggling badly to afford food then you could go to a food bank to get you through the bad patch. It's fine to do that and better than being hungry. Look also for other support in your area, e.g. places that do free meals on certain days.

You need a long term plan to improve things. Can your DH look for another job, either better paid or where the sick pay is not so tight? Can you go back to work?

@Skyeheather

Tell your DP you don't want to go and he can go by himself. They'll be plenty of family there he can sit with/talk to.

That really isn’t on

I’d see it as a major snub if my future SIL didn’t come to my wedding for slightly ridiculous reasons.

Miss it by all means, but be aware of the impact on family relations.

If finances are that tight, you need to work.

You need to suck it up and go.

Your main problems seems to be the risk of DP being Ill and not earning any money so you need to use your savings.This must be a worry.How can you sort this?Is he a low earner so he has nothing to save.Maybe he needs to look at being employed so will be paid if he is Ill .Are you returning to work soon ?if you feel you don’t want to go to the wedding then say so your DP can go alone.COVID is around so just take care but you must try and have some sort of life now.Good luck.

Can you earn money? Look at the £10 a day thread for instance, it's a small help, or wfh jobs

This sounds rather me, me, me. You don’t seem very bothered about your partner is just family. We all do things we really don’t want to do but out of locality and love, we do them.

I think you do need help to take a rational view. You need to support your partner and take a more proactive role with regard to earning money.

I can understand where you're coming from but I think you need to go. Maybe look at doing some overtime, cut back on unneeded direct debits etc. But I think you need to go unfortunately

How long have you known about this wedding?

I think you definitely need to work on securing your finances as the odd sick day here and there shouldn't mean you're penniless.

Personally I think it would be pretty mean of you not to go. It's family, not a bunch of strangers.

Your DH should definitely go and it’s up to you if you want to go.

Is it 100 all day? Can you manage the ceremony where everyone will be seated?

Have you used the Turn To Us calculator to see if there is anything you are entitled to?

Are there any community supermarkets near you? There's a yearly membship fee, but then you can "shop" there every week for a donation.