Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get rid of DHs shirts?

84 replies

ShittyFingers · 16/02/2022 07:53

DH is a shirt hoarder. He has stacks of them hung up in the wardrobe … they take up all the space. He doesn’t wear a shirt for work so they are literally just “going out” shirts … he never goes out either!!

I’d say he goes on a “shirt” night out maybe 3 times a year … once at Christmas and then maybe two evening outings (usually with me).

I’m trying to declutter, I’ve got rid of loads of my clothes and he said he’d do the same but never got around to it. A few weeks ago I took all the shirts out of the wardrobe and laid them on the bed for him to sort through (trying to help!!). He went up then reappeared saying he’d done it … he’d separated one and then put the rest back in the wardrobe!! Most of these shirts he hasn’t worn for years!

AIBU to just start getting rid of some to charity? He won’t even notice which ones have gone unless I tell him. His shirt collection takes up all the space in the double wardrobe.

We have money so it’s not like he needs to hang on to stuff for financial reasons.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 16/02/2022 07:54

I would be livid if dh did this with my clothes. How would you feel if he did it to you?

GeneLovesJezebel · 16/02/2022 07:56

I’m not sure I’d throw them away, but I’d be tempted to put some in a black bag in the loft

Lillyhatesjaz · 16/02/2022 07:59

I would not do this but to clear space in the wardrobe if you have a loft I would pack them in a suitcase and put them up there so if he misses any you can get them back.

SilverHairedCat · 16/02/2022 08:01

No, that would be a dick mine. Imagine how furious you'd be if he threw half your clothes away.

Talk to him first then pack them in an old suitcase or similar and put them away.

Original poster
ShittyFingers · 16/02/2022 08:02

Yeah I would feel guilty throwing them away, it’s just so frustrating. I’m toying with the idea of putting a wardrobe in the spare bedroom for “overflow” clothes

OP posts:
Duracellbunnywannabe · 16/02/2022 08:04

No. Declutter all your stuff and then come back to gently encouraging him.

BabyInTheJungle · 16/02/2022 08:05

I could have written this post. I'm desperately decluttering mine and DCs clothes, toys everything. DH has millions and millions of clothes that don't get worn and he doesn't bother getting rid of. He has hundreds of shirts and hasn't worn any since he stopped going into the office in March 2020 Hmm he can't fit any more clothes into his drawers as they are full of other things he doesn't wear so his clothes are everywhere in our room, never put away. It drives me absolutely crazy.

Sparkletastic · 16/02/2022 08:06

Give a bag of them to charity and let someone else benefit.

GeneLovesJezebel · 16/02/2022 08:07

Isn’t it frustrating when you declutter, but they won’t, so you have to live with their crap.

rookiemere · 16/02/2022 08:07

Do you have an attic? I'd stick them in bags up there.

GrendelsGrandma · 16/02/2022 08:09

Don't get rid of someone's clothes without their agreement.

I'd get one of those vacuum bags, leave 2-3 in wardrobe and stash the rest away. Then in a year revisit the issue when you've established he never wears them.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 16/02/2022 08:09

YABU. Did he want to declutter or was it your decision?

I don't think you can tell him how many shirts he's allowed to keep!

girlmom21 · 16/02/2022 08:10

Why don't you agree with him that you'll do that 6 month hanger thing - face all the hangers with clothes in one direction. Anything that's worn, washed and put back in the wardrobe, turn the hanger to face the other way. Anything that's still facing in the other direction after 6 months hasn't been used so isn't needed. Chuck them out.

steppemum · 16/02/2022 08:10

get a suitcase, fill it with his shirts and put it under the bed.

he can access it, he can get the shirts if he wants them, but they are removed from daily use.

TurdCrapley · 16/02/2022 08:13

My DH is a clothes hoarder and he's gradually got rid of more over the years but only recently he got rid of some shirts that he's never worn in the 8 years we've been together. And that's because we're moving and won't fit it all in the new house. I wouldn't have done it without him knowing though, I'd be furious if he did the same to me. I had to nag abit to get it done but sometimes, it's the only way🤷‍♀️

Reach a compromise, he can keep 3 or 4 shirts but he has to get rid of the rest.

RosesAndHellebores · 16/02/2022 08:13

I agree with GrendelsGrandma.
However if he really wants to keep them, he needs his own wardrobe. That way he can manage his space.

Just thinking this through, I have never shared a wardrobe with DH in 32 years.

RantyAunty · 16/02/2022 08:16

Is he aware that he has too many and most he never wears?

I'd make that point to him.
See if he'll pick out his fav 5 or 10 and donate the rest.

Mummy1608 · 16/02/2022 08:20

I think you have got caught up in the excitement/frenzy of decluttering (been watching Marie kondo?)

Really, yabu and this is controlling behaviour.

Maybe he wants to wear them more often buy doesn't get opportunities for nice dates (pandemic, parenting). Maybe he likes looking at them. Whatever. They're his things and this is his home and it's not like they're scattered all over the room (except when you scatter them all over the bed).

Original poster
ShittyFingers · 16/02/2022 08:25

@Mummy1608

I think you have got caught up in the excitement/frenzy of decluttering (been watching Marie kondo?)

Really, yabu and this is controlling behaviour.

Maybe he wants to wear them more often buy doesn't get opportunities for nice dates (pandemic, parenting). Maybe he likes looking at them. Whatever. They're his things and this is his home and it's not like they're scattered all over the room (except when you scatter them all over the bed).

No but I can’t fit my own clothes in the wardrobe because of all of his shirts! Our bedroom isn’t massive so we only have space for one double wardrobe. But as I say we do have 2 spare bedrooms so I might buy an overflow wardrobe.

No I’ve not been watching Marie Kondo (what is that? Where can I find it??)

OP posts:
Mummy1608 · 16/02/2022 08:26

Overflow wardrobe in the spare room sounds ideal, and all occasionwear (yours and his) can go in there.

Mummy1608 · 16/02/2022 08:27

Marie kondo is on netflix! I think you'd love her :)

Original poster
ShittyFingers · 16/02/2022 08:30

@Mummy1608

Marie kondo is on netflix! I think you'd love her :)
Thank you! That’s my afternoon sorted ☺️
OP posts:
Wedonttalkabout · 16/02/2022 08:33

Agree that you cant donate or get rid off anyone's clothes without their permission. Id be livid if my parter decided what clothes I didn't need any more or started telling me how many to keep.

I'd also suggest it's not a compromise to "allow" someone to keep 4-5 shirts. Even the turning hangers thing only works if its his idea, otherwise it just comes across as a threat to get rid of his clothes

I would suggest that you compromise by only keeping a certain amount in the waldrobe but the rest can be kept in another waldrobe, loft, in a vacuum bag etc

tanstaafl · 16/02/2022 08:38

Ask him to choose his favourite 10, then as @rookiemere says, the rest are bagged and put in attic.

Was he worried about loosing wardrobe space ? Did he know you were decluttering as well?

GeneLovesJezebel · 16/02/2022 08:39

I’d get yourself and your clothes into another bedroom, your own little sanctuary

Swipe left for the next trending thread