To get rid of DHs shirts?

[ShittyFingers]

DH is a shirt hoarder. He has stacks of them hung up in the wardrobe … they take up all the space. He doesn’t wear a shirt for work so they are literally just “going out” shirts … he never goes out either!!

I’d say he goes on a “shirt” night out maybe 3 times a year … once at Christmas and then maybe two evening outings (usually with me).

I’m trying to declutter, I’ve got rid of loads of my clothes and he said he’d do the same but never got around to it. A few weeks ago I took all the shirts out of the wardrobe and laid them on the bed for him to sort through (trying to help!!). He went up then reappeared saying he’d done it … he’d separated one and then put the rest back in the wardrobe!! Most of these shirts he hasn’t worn for years!

AIBU to just start getting rid of some to charity? He won’t even notice which ones have gone unless I tell him. His shirt collection takes up all the space in the double wardrobe.

We have money so it’s not like he needs to hang on to stuff for financial reasons.

The overflow wardrobe will just shift the problem, I don't think they'll ever leave the house that way. I would put them in a suitcase under the bed or vacuum pack somewhere so he can still get them if he wants them and then ask him to sort through again in a years time. Anything that's come out can stay but anything that hasn't needs another think. But you can't be a hypocrite, you have to be the same!

The difficulty with the Marie kondo style of things is that it's easy to get swept up in it.

My mum is a bit of a spring cleaner at times, but what it meant is that it feels like everything in the house is constantly under threat of being axed! It never seems to be the couple as a whole that chose if they want to keep things, just one of them. All of a sudden everything I own is being assessed to see if it sparks joy in someone else

It really feels that everything is at risk of disappearing if you don't keep an eye on it, and has meant I've lost many things that I liked, or wanted because of the constant need to declutter.

Everything bought into the house was seen as an obstacle rather than the trappings of everyday life, and you felt like you were constantly being asked "do you really want that?" "Really? You've kept these 4 pants, do you need a 5th pair?"

My partner is the opposite luckily but I swore never to make people feel like they have to justify their possessions

YABVU

Is there any way you can fix another rail underneath? Double decker wardrobe!

I’d get all
His shirts it with him, tell
Him to keep half and get rid of half. Do that by holding two up at a time and say this one or this One? It will get it done quickly

You can't just get rid of his stuff! Dh and I declutter about every 3 months. He still has 53 shirts....but he has promised about 20 are going this weekend.

@LuckyAmy1986
Can you imagine the response here If posted your dp told you you were going through your clothes together and you could only keep half, and held up two items and you could only keep one.

Well I’m doing another trip to the charity bin with my unwanted clothes today so that will be another lot gone.

The last thing I want to be is controlling but I’m getting increasingly annoyed with DHs clutter. I spent a full weekend decorating the spare bedroom to turn it into a nice guest bedroom and when I went back in the following week DH had stashed all his dusty computer parts all over the floor - as well as two guitars and a dusty old amplifier. It’s so fucking frustrating.

@Wedonttalkabout well that was on the basis he agreed to it! Not a demand! I thought she said further up he was up for doing it? That’s just the easiest wat

Why is he encroaching in your half of the wardrobe?

I have way more clothes than DH but I never put my things in his half. I pack summer clothes in winter and vice versa, and unloved clothes to charity or put them in the attic.

I am married to a horder so know your pain.

I do:
one in one out
"defined space method" so it is a capped volume
the "this has a hole let's throw it out" method.
I also make him inventory check how much he has before he buys another
DH "I need holiday shorts".
Me "No you don't"
Dh "but I only have 2 pairs..."

Me "Right let's check... oh look you have 7 pair of shorts SPECIFICALLY for hot holidays only already 😑"

Combining these methods keeps it in check.

I stopped throwing things out in secret because with regret I have to acknowledge even though it brings me more undiluted joy than it upsets him...Its not respectful.

Yes, he said he’d do the same

I'd get wardrobes in the spare room and use that for all your clothes then you don't even have to look at his stuff. That was one bonus of being single - having all my stuff together in one place.

I don't think it's OK to just throw away the belongings of anyone else
Watch some Marie Kondo with him
Get him inspired to do declutter himself
Have a fashion night where he tries on every shirt & you both rank his shirts
There are other friendlier ways to tidy up
Which don't involve underhandedly throwing away someone's clothes

@LuckyAmy1986
My reading of it was he said he would, went upstairs and got rid of some but kept the majority. So has already done it in his view

@Wedonttalkabout getting rid of things can be overwhelming though. I was simply giving a way to make it easier if the person struggles facing all their 50 shirts at once and he’s genuinely up for getting rid of some. It was a tip. Not saying she march him up to the bedroom demanding he do it

Wardrobe in the spare room, either for all your clothes or it can be for both your and DH ‘going out’ clothes and your day to day clothes stay in your main wardrobe.

Get rid of an old, worn looking ones, or frayed necks and cuffs. Be quite brutal with old ones.

@ShittyFingers
I think you can absolutely say you can't store the parts on the floor and that things he wants to keep have to be stored appropriately

Sharing one wardrobe between two adults when you’re have two spare bedrooms is madness.

I would turn a spare bedroom into a dressing room for me. Think of how lovely you could make it. Full length mirror, your own space for clothes, makeup, hairstyling etc

@Grasping

I would turn a spare bedroom into a dressing room for me. Think of how lovely you could make it. Full length mirror, your own space for clothes, makeup, hairstyling etc

Agreed.

Guest bedroom sounds nice but why offer valuable space in your house to people who DONT LIVE THERE when you need that space more. It makes no sense!

Get a walk in wardrobe... With a wine cooler.

@HelloDulling

Sharing one wardrobe between two adults when you’re have two spare bedrooms is madness.

Yeah this.

When I wrote my post I should have clarified we each have 2 double wardrobes and 3 drawers...

Half a wardrobe wouldn't cut the mustard for either of us...

No solution, but I feel your pain. Dozens of shirts, but he wears his favourite ones on rotation, even when horribly frayed. Once they are really beyond hope he saves them for garage rags. To be fair, they do get used for wiping up oil etc.

We also have a massive problem with jumpers, in that all the old ones are kept forever. The chest of drawers is stuffed with ones he never wears. He did have a few favourite ones which he wore over and over, that were slung over a chair in the bedroom (to my annoyance) due to the drawers being full. One day he discovered moths had chewed right through three of them at once . I looked sad for him, but I was smiling inside....Now he is paranoid about moths so he keeps his clothes packed away.

Ask him if he wants to get rid of any. How would you feel if he got rid of your stuff