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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get rid of DHs shirts?

84 replies

ShittyFingers · 16/02/2022 07:53

DH is a shirt hoarder. He has stacks of them hung up in the wardrobe … they take up all the space. He doesn’t wear a shirt for work so they are literally just “going out” shirts … he never goes out either!!

I’d say he goes on a “shirt” night out maybe 3 times a year … once at Christmas and then maybe two evening outings (usually with me).

I’m trying to declutter, I’ve got rid of loads of my clothes and he said he’d do the same but never got around to it. A few weeks ago I took all the shirts out of the wardrobe and laid them on the bed for him to sort through (trying to help!!). He went up then reappeared saying he’d done it … he’d separated one and then put the rest back in the wardrobe!! Most of these shirts he hasn’t worn for years!

AIBU to just start getting rid of some to charity? He won’t even notice which ones have gone unless I tell him. His shirt collection takes up all the space in the double wardrobe.

We have money so it’s not like he needs to hang on to stuff for financial reasons.

OP posts:
SheWoreYellow · 16/02/2022 09:33

This is what I would do. Tell him about the overflow wardrobe and get him to pick out three to keep in the bedroom. Then, put the rest in a bin bag in the loft or similar.

After a really good period of time (1-2 years) you can point out he hasn’t needed them or missed them and that they can then go to charity.

RedHelenB · 16/02/2022 09:34

@Sparkletastic

Give a bag of them to charity and let someone else benefit.
Not hers to give away. Your advice is abusive.
SparklingStars10 · 16/02/2022 09:42

You need two wardrobes, then he can have his storage space and you can have yours. Throwing someone’s clothes away without their permission isn’t the way to go about it.

Original poster
ShittyFingers · 16/02/2022 09:44

“Get a walk in wardrobe... With a wine cooler”

I’m not a dressy up type person and I’m teetotal 😂 nice idea for those that are into that kind of thing though.

I just want a tidy environment

OP posts:
SparklingStars10 · 16/02/2022 09:44

@JustMsInvisible

Ask him if he wants to get rid of any. How would you feel if he got rid of your stuff
I agree, it’s unfair. Imagine if a guy posted on here that he took his wife’s clothes to a charity shop because she had lots of clothes and she was upset, he’d be called all sorts along with abusive and controlling.
toconclude · 16/02/2022 09:54

@Duracellbunnywannabe

No. Declutter all your stuff and then come back to gently encouraging him.
Prepare for it to take the rest of his/ your life.
Original poster
ShittyFingers · 16/02/2022 09:57

I’ve already decluttered my stuff! I’m still doing so as we speak!

OP posts:
ILoveAllRainbowsx · 16/02/2022 09:58

Put his shirts in an overflow wardrobe.

Aderyn21 · 16/02/2022 10:05

Maybe you need separate bedrooms? Or if you have spare rooms, he gets one to clutter as much as he likes but the rest of the house is used as they are supposed to be. I'd put all his shirts in vacuum packs for now and store them in a spare room.

allgreythings · 16/02/2022 10:14

Op I feel your pain my dh is a self confessed horder.
I go through them and pull out any that are old or starting to go funny round the arms etc
Then I turn the hangers of the others I think should go, then when they haven’t been worn for another month or so off they go Wink obviously I discuss with him before binning them but otherwise we’d have a house full of his stuff

If dh did this for me I’d be delighted but he’d have a job because I don’t hoard in the first place Grin

MasterBeth · 16/02/2022 10:14

Is he using more than 50% of your available wardrobe space?

If so, he needs to get rid.

If not, you have no reason to complain.

SpiderVersed · 16/02/2022 10:16

@ShittyFingers, Marie Kondo's ok, but Sort Your Life Out on iPlayer is far more fun. Stacy Solomon and Dilly are an absolute joy.

I watched the pilot episonde and DH gave me a label-maker as part of my birhday present because I kept going on about it! My kitchen cupboards are now a thing of beauty.

Good luck decluttering!

ofwarren · 16/02/2022 10:17

Why are people saying to take his stuff to the charity shop or tell him he can only have 5 shirts??
They are HIS clothes! Imagine if a man posted on here saying he was going to throw away his wife's clothes and she was only allowed 5 dresses.

MrsSkylerWhite · 16/02/2022 10:18

Sparkletastic

Give a bag of them to charity and let someone else benefit.“

All for charity shops, but my clothes in them.
You can’t just give someone else’s clothes away without their consent, though.

TeacupDrama · 16/02/2022 10:26

you have two spare rooms so one for DH and one for you, you can decorate yours exactly how you like keep it clean and sparse with guest bed if that is what you want, he gets other room for computers guitars whatever you want and you half exactly have the space each in main room so half the wardrobe space half the drawers, if his drawers are bursting that is on him if your half of wardrobe has 10 hangers so be it
you can't get rid of other peoples stuff it is likely to make hoarding and hiding stuff worse not better,
one person's decluttered space is anothers persons souless box, or one person's cosy and warm is another persons chaos you hasve to compromise buthaving spare rooms makes it much easier

readyshreddiescook · 16/02/2022 10:46

I echo the previous comment of black bag full into the loft and then wait to see if he realises.

Ponoka7 · 16/02/2022 10:51

Isn't this the sort of thing you keep in suitcases, what do your suitcases have in them? Storage in the spare room is the way to go, if you don't use your loft. Get him to pick out his three favourite, that's what stays in the wardrobe.

forrestgreen · 16/02/2022 10:51

Put a piece of coloured tape on the middle of the rail.
Anything over that gets demoted.
I'd buy two spare wardrobes, one each
Tell him the bedrooms aren't to store crap so he can put it in the loft, in his spare robe, or the charity shop. Just not on the bedroom floor

Gingernaut · 16/02/2022 10:54

How many shirts actually fit him?

Can he not try them on in turn and ask himself why he doesn't wear them more often.

Seven well fitted shirts, then two more for parties and formal - 9 possibly 10 in total would be all he needed if he wore shirts to work.

LampLighter414 · 16/02/2022 11:16

What is the current split of the wardrobe space?

If its 50:50 or more in your favour then you are totally unreasonable trying to make him get rid of things for more of your stuff.

AnonymousAnonymous · 16/02/2022 11:20

Throw away all but 3 shirts
What's he going to do about it?

girlmom21 · 16/02/2022 11:24

@AnonymousAnonymous

Throw away all but 3 shirts What's he going to do about it?
What would you do if your husband threw away all but 3 of your tops that you'd explicitly said you wanted to keep?
SprintingAtlas · 16/02/2022 11:55

Definitely encourage him to declutter but a couple of ideas:

  • if your hangers are on a pole, turn them all round so they're backwards. When they're used they're hung back the "correct" way. After a given period of time (3 months, 6 months, year?), anything that is still the wrong way round in the wardrobe gets disposed of.
  • once some de-cluttering has been done, buy these multi level hangers that will allow him to hang multiple shirts but use much less space.

Do it after decluttering otherwise it will only give him an excuse to keep them all and will cost a fortune in hangers!

PollyRae16 · 16/02/2022 19:46

Bit of a longer time scale but try turning all of the coat hangers the wrong way. When one of the shirts get worn turn it the right way after a year any that aren't the right way get sent to the charity shop/ clothes recycling because he hasn't worn them!

Hankunamatata · 16/02/2022 20:00

My dh is the same. I put them all in a vacuum bag and put them in the bottom of his wardrobe.