To think family courts side with women?

[Bluelightlover]

A colleague of mine split up with his wife January last year. Since then she has made it very difficult for him to see his daughter. The ex has told the 11y daughter lies including that he financially abandoned them (he's still paying for the full mortgage and child maintenance). She went as far to get the school to fund raise for her when my colleague had sent her £5k. That he is emotionally unfit to look after his daughter and he was abusive to the wife during their marriage. She submitted 40 pages of evidence to the court but none of it had actual proof. I.e she couldn't remember dates, no police or social services involvement etc. I don't want to go into specifics without outing him. In his and his family's view the wife had committed parental alienation and now his daughter wants nothing to do with him or his family. He paid a huge sum to go to court. But his solicitor said that the court is likely to side with the woman. I am female and a mum and feel so disheartened if this is the case. Yes of course in clear cut cases of domestic violence/abuse etc but when it's her word against his why would he not be able to have a relationship with his daughter? I thought family courts try to do everything to ensure both parents had a relationship with their child?

I think you are being spun a yarn and are unusually invested in your colleagues divorce tbh

@AdamRyan

I think you are being spun a yarn and are unusually invested in your colleagues divorce tbh

Why is this always the first comment. As if no men can ever be right, or decent, or good parents, ever. And women are holier than thou. There's some shite awful mother's out there folks.

You only know his side.

I think you are right. Really sad & unfair for the dads subjected to it. Bloody awful behaviour on the part of mums who do this. Took my dp best part of £100k and about 2 years to fight a similar situation. The dc are now f/t with him and the mum has lost pr. so it can be fought and the courts take a very dim view of any parent trying to prevent the kids having a positive relationship with the other parent. Good luck to your colleague.

As if no men can ever be right, or decent, or good parents, ever
Hardly. But if she claimed a hardship grant from the school when he'd just sent her £5k, that's very easily proved by bank statements.
Unfortunately while there are lots of great men out there, there are also a lot of lying abusive idiots who always have a cool story about why their psychotic ex has alienated them from their child. Usually the reality is quite different.

@FrodoAteMyRing

You only know his side.

Oh and another. We only ever know one side on Mumsnet. If a dad was called abusive everyone would be commenting saying well done never let him see his kids again the abusive bastard. Not "we don't know his side"

Courts dont like parental alienation and they like things to be reported and recorded . They don't just go off hearsay

And even when there's been violence they don't shun the fathers, they make the fathers jump through hoops but they still want to maintain a family connection

My friends partner was abusive to her, recorded to police's bed been arrested several times. He still got to see his kids every fortnight I'm a contact centre and after a few months on his own at home

Courts are for what's best for the children, not the parents

@AdamRyan

As if no men can ever be right, or decent, or good parents, ever Hardly. But if she claimed a hardship grant from the school when he'd just sent her £5k, that's very easily proved by bank statements. Unfortunately while there are lots of great men out there, there are also a lot of lying abusive idiots who always have a cool story about why their psychotic ex has alienated them from their child. Usually the reality is quite different.

We have no idea whether it was a hardhip fund or what checks were done. You seem to have thought of that yourself?

A "cool story" yeah, hardly. Honestly it must be a hard life being so small minded and ignorant.

Rather than a remarkably concerned colleague are you actually dating this man and this is the sob story he's given you?

@VladmirsPoutine

Rather than a remarkably concerned colleague are you actually dating this man and this is the sob story he's given you?

Sorry, why are you assuming it's not true?

If a woman said her ex was abusive would you call it a sob story?

I completely disagree with the concept that courts side with the mother as I have been on the opposite side. My ex has taken me to court numerous times with absolutely no basis whatsoever. I've been treated horrendously by judges despite massive amounts of proof showing he's a liar and that I'm a good mother with a child who is thriving. Thankfully in the end we had judge who thoroughly listened to both sides and took into account all the evidence. I just don't trust the courts now in general to be honest.

In my experience it's the opposite

@Bluelightlover

A colleague of mine split up with his wife January last year. Since then she has made it very difficult for him to see his daughter. The ex has told the 11y daughter lies including that he financially abandoned them (he's still paying for the full mortgage and child maintenance). She went as far to get the school to fund raise for her when my colleague had sent her £5k. That he is emotionally unfit to look after his daughter and he was abusive to the wife during their marriage. She submitted 40 pages of evidence to the court but none of it had actual proof. I.e she couldn't remember dates, no police or social services involvement etc. I don't want to go into specifics without outing him. In his and his family's view the wife had committed parental alienation and now his daughter wants nothing to do with him or his family. He paid a huge sum to go to court. But his solicitor said that the court is likely to side with the woman. I am female and a mum and feel so disheartened if this is the case. Yes of course in clear cut cases of domestic violence/abuse etc but when it's her word against his why would he not be able to have a relationship with his daughter? I thought family courts try to do everything to ensure both parents had a relationship with their child?

You weren't there, you don't know what happened.

Yes of course in clear cut cases of domestic violence/abuse etc but when it's her word against his why would he not be able to have a relationship with his daughter? I thought family courts try to do everything to ensure both parents had a relationship with their child?

The courts generally don't keep a parent from his/her child without solid proof that it's detrimental to the child. There are threads on MN all the time where the mother is upset that an abusive father has been granted (usually supervised) visitation with a child.

There's likely more to the story than what you know.

Statistically “courts side with the mother” is a myth. Courts usually like to maintain the status quo, and if mum has been doing everything then that will be that.

So it’s not an”mums vs dads” thing - but sometimes family courts can be wildly unfair for seemingly no reason. It definitely needs reforming in the way they do things.

In my experience it is also the opposite despite oodles of evidence from myself

I no longer work in the family courts because I couldn’t stand the way women were treated. It was appalling.
So- no , I don’t agree with you.

This isn’t the case. 50% of people will say they favour women and the other half men.

But I’d agree with the others. You’re only hearing one side of the story.

Family courts aren’t fit for purpose whatever gender you are

The other issue is, court orders often aren't worth the paper they're written on. If an rp doesn't want co tact to go ahead, they simply don't allow it to happen and then you have to go back to court. Rinse and repeat. Many judges will give endless chances to parents who don't deserve it (men and women)

Aye it's a woman's world alright OP 🙄

So has it gone to court yet? There are obviously differing accounts of what happened, courts are skilled at sussing out who is telling porkies.

The court has to decide on custody matters thinking what's in the best interest of the child. That's usually staying with the mother because mothers are more likely to be the primary care giver.

Actually the courts consistently fail children by allowing contact with abusive parents (predominantly male) because they refuse to accept that witnessing there mother being physically and mentally abused is abuse in itself even after the law was changed to specifically class this as child abuse. The threshold to remove parental access is so high that it almost never happens in custody cases.
Also at age 11 the child will have some say in whether they have contact and level of contact.
Basically if he has been denighing contact by a crt there is a bloody good reason no matter what your "colleague " claims

Thank you for the replies so far.

The first 'fact finding' hearing is imminent. He is happy for his DD to live with his ex as he's in the military and works away a lot. He just wants a relationship with her on some level. When he's home to be able to spend time with her and with his family who live around the corner.