AIBU people asking why my baby is ginger

[Licollama]

So my baby has been seriously ill in hospital so I may be being over insensitive.
My point is several health workers have come in to our room and questioned 'why is your baby ginger, where does that come from?' Not really offended as I'm sure the comment was made with no offence intended. However if my baby had been a mixed race, I'm sure no-one would have made comments as this would be frowned upon?
Also there is a big gap between her and her siblings... people alway feel the need to ask 'same dad'. I had trouble conceiving and don't know why I should have to explain this to a complete stranger and so what if they have different dads, why is this an issue??!

I think the ginger enquiries are well-intentioned, though tactless - red hair is less common, so people do often ask which side of the family it comes from etc. I wouldn't be offended by that, but I do think it's a bit clumsy for a stranger to ask.

The "same dad" question is just really fucking rude and intrusive. I'd give a pretty short response to that one!

Meh it’s an unusual hair colour and comes under small talk IMO
If randoms are asking same dad that’s out of order but if it’s health workers sometimes they need to know, if a different dad they might want some more info on potentially hereditary things.

“Dunno, not even sure who her Dad is tbh, could be one of five”

I think you’re being overly sensitive OP, which is absolutely understandable when your little one is unwell.

I have a ginger child and people always ask where they get it from but never in an accusatory manner (apart from MIL when they were first born).

Thank you for the replies made me feel better. I feel I may be unreasonable tbh but something just doesn't sit right with these questions over and over. Have had it from randoms in the street also

There’s no doubt it is quite thoughtless OP.

I think they’re probably making conversation, but it’s pretty thoughtless.

But honestly some people act like ginger people are an entire separate species who can ONLY be related to other ginger people! My mother and brother are ginger, me and my two sisters are not.
I got countless comments of “Oh, I didn’t realise your mum was ginger. You’re not ginger!” (You don’t say!)

Unfortunately people are just like that.

I hope your baby has a speedy recovery

I think it's pretty shitty of people to ask "why" is your baby ginger. Just such a silly question. I'd just mumble "dunno, genetics I'm assuming!" Hope your baby is on the mend.

Thank you all, I think you are right xxx I

My youngest is a freckly redhead and was born with a full head of ginger curls. I’m blonde, exdh brunette and ds1 brunette. It’s not so bad now that exdh and I aren’t together but the amount of comments we got when we were out together as a family was ridiculous. “What colour hair does the milkman have?” seemed to be considered the height of wit by old blokes in the local pub. I’d be seriously pissed off if it was healthcare workers who know how ill your baby has been.

I hope your little one is on the mend. Ginger hair is gorgeous.

Oops back to original name.

However totally agree it’s small talk but it is thoughtless. It’s the same lines of people commenting on sizes of bumps, weight loss after pregnancy, size of baby, how much/ little hair they have etc it’s just something to say most people are oblivious to the rudeness or upset it may it may cause.

@PossiblyDreaming people kept telling me my child’s hair would ‘change’ when it was clear from day one they were ginger, like they just couldn’t accept it

It's just rude
I'm a v pale redhead, my mum is dark brown eyes, nearly black hair and dark olive skin. Yes we are related(!)
The whole side of her family is that very strong colouring so I do look a bit like I've been plonked in a room full of people with dark Italian colouring!

Definately overly sensitive....it’s small talk nothing else....I wouldn’t imagine they are interested in your response in the slightest

Get the two same comments.
Mine are 9 years apart due to work but I always feel like I have to explain myself

Red hair comments too, my son is mixed and red but he doesn’t look mixed. People usually just say cool hair which is fine. When he is with me it’s obvious where the red comes from. But for me and my siblings not so! Always had those comments growing up- the milkman comments are the worst

But otherwise try not to be offended. Especially in hospitals it’s just an ice breaker and people usually mean well.

Abuse against red heads is awful though, happened at work once and I mentioned it’s a form of discrimination, was laughed at

@pawpaws2022

How strange! I’m the same

@sadpapercourtesan

I think the ginger enquiries are well-intentioned, though tactless - red hair is less common, so people do often ask which side of the family it comes from etc. I wouldn't be offended by that, but I do think it's a bit clumsy for a stranger to ask.

The "same dad" question is just really fucking rude and intrusive. I'd give a pretty short response to that one!

Red hair is a recessive trait. Both parents have to carry the gene AND pass it on for a child to have red hair.

Fucking rude.

Agree with you OP. You don’t get to ask where any aspect of someone’s genetics comes from. It’s rude, invasive, offensive and just downright none of their business.

DH is light skinned mixed race and spent his entire childhood explaining he wasn’t adopted or that yes, that lady is his mummy.

When he grew older it was the butt of every joke why he had the hair colour he did, the facial features, the skin colour. ‘Where does that come from’ was a favourite way for someone to inoffensively pry into his genetics.

Red hair is not uncommon, our attitudes as a society to red hair is horrible. When we were having DD after an excruciatingly complicated labour when she emerged one nurse said ‘Don’t worry! At least she’s not ginger!’

I hope your little one feels better soon OP.

Well I was at school at one point with
triplets - all girls. Two were like as peas in a pod with ash blonde hair with a slight wave but the third had bright red ringlets. I wonder what people made of that!

YANBU. You know yourself if they’re asking out of curiosity or not.

It’s the unspoken implications that are rude, and whether meaning to or not, undermine the legitimacy of your family.

I hope your little one feels better soon

@LightfoldEngines

“Dunno, not even sure who her Dad is tbh, could be one of five”

😂

You are being over sensitive to the ginger question. People are just showing an interest. They are expecting you to say "oh my granddad was ginger" or "the gene's on my husband's side". I find genetics really interesting (and am also ND with a much reduced question filter!) and would probably talk to you about an unusual trait too in such a way. We are always discussing in our family where our ND came from for example. It's an interesting topic of conversation.

Also I work with people in a job where I have to ask a lot of very personal questions to strangers. That does move the bar somewhat in terms of questions you perceive as ok to ask. I imagine it's very similar for health workers.

I've just had my second baby and got fed up of being asked at every appointment if the kids had the same dad. There's less than 2yrs between them so felt even more intrusive.

I was just going to say that to get red hair the gene has to be passed on from both sides.
But it's also a gene that's only found in people with celtic ancestry.

Hence its not that common and a talking point.

@Lockdownbear

I was just going to say that to get red hair the gene has to be passed on from both sides. But it's also a gene that's only found in people with celtic ancestry.

Hence its not that common and a talking point.

No it’s not. Red hair can (and does) come from all over the world. It originated in Asia.