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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU people asking why my baby is ginger

118 replies

Licollama · 14/02/2022 23:56

So my baby has been seriously ill in hospital so I may be being over insensitive.
My point is several health workers have come in to our room and questioned 'why is your baby ginger, where does that come from?' Not really offended as I'm sure the comment was made with no offence intended. However if my baby had been a mixed race, I'm sure no-one would have made comments as this would be frowned upon?
Also there is a big gap between her and her siblings... people alway feel the need to ask 'same dad'. I had trouble conceiving and don't know why I should have to explain this to a complete stranger and so what if they have different dads, why is this an issue??!

OP posts:
Macademiamum · 15/02/2022 00:59

I always used to say "oh is he ginger? I never noticed" in my best dead pan. Sometimes his ginger dad would appear and all would be revealed, other times people must have thought I was colour blind. These days he tells people "I'm ginger but I'm not adopted and that is my real mum and my real brother, I just eat a lot of carrots"

cuno · 15/02/2022 00:59

@Lockdownbear

I was just going to say that to get red hair the gene has to be passed on from both sides. But it's also a gene that's only found in people with celtic ancestry.

Hence its not that common and a talking point.

My daughter is mixed race and has red hair, her dad isn't white. So I think there's more to it than that.
FireMeetGasoline · 15/02/2022 01:22

My grandparents had 2 really dark haired sons, and a ginger son and daughter. My nan used to laugh her head off with the 'milkman' jokes. Looking at the extended family, it is clear to see that ginger is quite a dominant gene within the family. I'm dark brown, but, when I'm in the sun, you can see red within my hair. My dad was one of the dark haired sons, and mum had jet black hair.

Ozgirl75 · 15/02/2022 01:27

I get “wow they don’t look like each other!” and even the school photographer said “this is for siblings only” and they were like “we are siblings!”
One has very blonde hair and blue eyes, the other has brown hair and green eyes.
Well guess what - I have blonde hair and blue eyes and my husband has dark hair and green eyes.
But in these days of donor eggs and IVF etc I think it’s surprising that people even comment on appearances to be honest.

Gingernaut · 15/02/2022 01:34

www.eupedia.com/genetics/origins_of_red_hair.shtml

Red hair is caused by inheriting two mutated genes, one from each parent.

As the gene is recessive, it can take a couple of generations or more for the red hair to appear.

Rosehugger · 15/02/2022 01:41

It's not that unusual though is it? I think it's rude to ask.

urbanbuddha · 15/02/2022 01:45

Lockdownbear

I was just going to say that to get red hair the gene has to be passed on from both sides.
But it's also a gene that's only found in people with celtic ancestry.

Hence its not that common and a talking point.

No it’s not. Red hair can (and does) come from all over the world. It originated in Asia.

Celtic people originated in Asia too, I think.

alexdgr8 · 15/02/2022 01:47

just say to both comments,
we have a scottish/irish milkman.
he gets around a lot.
and smile sweetly, gazing at baby.

AKASammyScrounge · 15/02/2022 01:53

My parents were both dark haired but I'm auburn (I hate being called ginger). When Dad needed a shave, his stubble came in ginger. And a hairdresser told my Mum that he could always spot a Scot because even when their hair was dark he could see auburn glints in it.

KloppsTeeth · 15/02/2022 02:39

Red hair is beautiful, the shades of autumn are stunning,

I’d be tempted to say “out of a bottle. She was blonde last week, and blonde is just so boring these days we went for a change”

sashh · 15/02/2022 02:47

@TerryChoc

Oops back to original name.

However totally agree it’s small talk but it is thoughtless. It’s the same lines of people commenting on sizes of bumps, weight loss after pregnancy, size of baby, how much/ little hair they have etc it’s just something to say most people are oblivious to the rudeness or upset it may it may cause.

You are on your third name OP but with a baby who is ill I'm sure that's not important.

I've got ginger relatives, their parents often got comments when they were younger.

In my family the 'ginger gene' seems to skip about, ginger adults don't have ginger children

Poppins2016 · 15/02/2022 02:52

[quote ificouldgobackintime]@PossiblyDreaming people kept telling me my child’s hair would ‘change’ when it was clear from day one they were ginger, like they just couldn’t accept it Hmm[/quote]
It can happen...

I was born with ginger hair, but it changed to light blonde (and as an adult it's now dark blonde with a very slight glint of a strawberry tone in sunlight). One of my sons was born with strong ginger tones in his hair, but he's followed in my footsteps and it's grown in blonde as well.

It is sad, however, because it sounds as though the comments you received were made in a 'reassuring' manner (e.g. "don't worry, it'll change") and weren't appreciating the beauty of the hair colour (or your child full stop)!

Cegbee · 15/02/2022 02:55

I sympathise, I have a ginger child and I'm always amazed at how it fascinates people. We get comments every time we leave the house without fail, many asking us the same "where does it come from"- my husband started saying "we're not sure, but my best mate is ginger..." it tends to shut people up! I hope your baby is recovering well.

cuno · 15/02/2022 03:01

We don't get tons of comments/questions on my daughter's hair colour, but I don't know if it's because people err on the side of caution as she's mixed race? BUT I haven't had any negative comments, usually compliments when it's mentioned, however there has been a couple occasions where it's been remarked that thankfully I had a girl as it's such a lovely colour on girls. Seeming to suggest it would be a problem if I had a boy?

cuno · 15/02/2022 03:04

Oh, and I say in response to that, I think it's just as lovely on boys. Smile

RantyAunty · 15/02/2022 03:15

It is a rude question.
Had a health worker comment they were surprised my husband looked so old as they thought he was my father.
I don't know what possesses people to make such rude comments.

My DD and DGD have gorgeous long red curly hair. She'll lil red.
Obviously from our celtic ancestry

blackdumpling · 15/02/2022 03:24

“Why is your child ginger”
“Their Uncle / Grandad is also ginger”

Same dad for this baby?”
“I certainly hope so!”

If someone was so befuddled as to why my baby was ginger when mum/dad aren’t
Would assume they are not very intelligent
Learnt that in year 9 or 10 science
It says more about them than you
People questioning the baby’s parenthood
Are just rude knobs

Poppins2016 · 15/02/2022 03:25

@cuno

We don't get tons of comments/questions on my daughter's hair colour, but I don't know if it's because people err on the side of caution as she's mixed race? BUT I haven't had any negative comments, usually compliments when it's mentioned, however there has been a couple occasions where it's been remarked that thankfully I had a girl as it's such a lovely colour on girls. Seeming to suggest it would be a problem if I had a boy?
I just don't understand it. Objectively, people with red hair are beautiful regardless of sex (and so are people with brown or blonde hair, too). I find it so strange that society is so intolerant of something that's purely aesthetic!
JollyHolly30 · 15/02/2022 03:27

I have red hair and I'd be offended by someone calling me 'a ginger'. So it's pretty ironic to be annoyed when your own profile name (which you name change failed) is 'GingerBaby'. Eew.

bedheadedzombie · 15/02/2022 03:48

People comment on everything. My cousin has one white and one mixed race looking child. They have the same parents only my cousin is dark skinned and her husband is white. People often think that they aren't siblings or that my cousin is the nanny Confused.

bedheadedzombie · 15/02/2022 03:50

@JollyHolly30

I have red hair and I'd be offended by someone calling me 'a ginger'. So it's pretty ironic to be annoyed when your own profile name (which you name change failed) is 'GingerBaby'. Eew.
May I ask why it is offensive? I'm not from the UK so might be missing something.
Momijin · 15/02/2022 03:57

My dark haired mum gave birth to 3 blonde babies. We all got a lot darker as we got older but people used to think she was the nanny.

I don't understand the prejudice or the jokes about red heads. It is the most striking and beautiful colour hair in my opinion.

ralanne · 15/02/2022 03:59

They are rude. I would also be offended and annoyed. I'd probably prepare some kind of withering riposte - a look of disgust and "what kind of question is that?" or something.

Marvellousmadness · 15/02/2022 04:12

You are over-sensitive
Get used to getting remarks (and questions)about a ginger child. That's just reality . It will get even worse if your next child ISN'T born with orange hair. ..

And yes people do the exactly same with mixed raced kids... trust me 🤣

FedUpOfLighteningCrotch · 15/02/2022 04:12

There’s around 70 ginger haired people in every 140 million people. That’s about 1-2% of the population.

I’d probably not ask where it comes from, or maybe I would. I’d comment on how lovely it is first, then perhaps if your obviously not ginger at all ask if dad has ginger hair.

They’re just interestedSmile