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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU people asking why my baby is ginger

118 replies

Licollama · 14/02/2022 23:56

So my baby has been seriously ill in hospital so I may be being over insensitive.
My point is several health workers have come in to our room and questioned 'why is your baby ginger, where does that come from?' Not really offended as I'm sure the comment was made with no offence intended. However if my baby had been a mixed race, I'm sure no-one would have made comments as this would be frowned upon?
Also there is a big gap between her and her siblings... people alway feel the need to ask 'same dad'. I had trouble conceiving and don't know why I should have to explain this to a complete stranger and so what if they have different dads, why is this an issue??!

OP posts:
Greenandcabbagelooking · 15/02/2022 07:52

“I dunked her head first in some paint, do you like it?”

Would be my snarky response! How do people think hair colour arises?

pawpaws2022 · 15/02/2022 07:52

@ForkedIt

Would you be offended if you had twins and someone asked if you or your husband had twins in the family?
I don't think it's the same Twins isn't really used as an insult Red hair is. Insulted and bullied and constant comments
Trainbear · 15/02/2022 07:55

Tell her you drank irn bru when pregnant. You put irn bru in the bairns bottle and her teething ring is irron.

And she'll no take ony nonsense!

And if you don't know irn bru, it's a rather nice Scottish liquid delicacy.

Mylittlepixie · 15/02/2022 07:57

I think its just a way to make conversation and well intended.
My kids are mixed race. DS looks like me and not mixed at all. DD looks nothing like me and is clearly mixed. People ask all the time. I never found it insulting, its always mentioned in a positive way and never makes me feel uncomfortable or upset.

BuddhaForMary · 15/02/2022 07:58

I got the same thing. I think the silliest comment was, after asking why my kids are ginger - it's a mutant gene we all have and when 2 of these genes get together they make a ginger baby. Science. And then seeing I have black hair.. "you're not secretly ginger under that black are you?"

Sorry, what?

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 15/02/2022 08:16

@Lockdownbear

I was just going to say that to get red hair the gene has to be passed on from both sides. But it's also a gene that's only found in people with celtic ancestry.

Hence its not that common and a talking point.

There was an area of Ancient Greece (Thrace IIRC) where red hair was common.

IIRC there’s a quote in Herodotus that goes something like, ‘If horses had a god, they’d see him as a horse, if Nubians had a god, they’d see him as black, if Thracians had a god, they’d see him with red hair.’

GrowBabyGrow · 15/02/2022 08:33

It is a bit rude but agree with other posters, it is a really common (but annoying) question. People think that ginger hair gives them a right to comment on your appearance. I'm ginger but my parents and brother both have brown hair. My grandmother's on both sides had the same hair colour as me. But I was constantly asked growing up why I was ginger - even had a teacher ask if my brother was my 'full' brother because his hair colour was so different. I'm sure my mum was also asked the same when I was a baby.

It is rude and people shouldn't think that unusual hair colour gives them a right to commenr but unfortunately I think this is the start of a lot of annoying conversations.

HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime · 15/02/2022 08:39

DDs red hair caused no shortage of comments, largely just as a way to make small talk I suppose. I got lots of compliments about DDs red head and although I was worried about bullying she's 12 now and never experienced.

Her dad and I both have brown hair although I have Irish and Scottish grandparents so that where it would have come from.

When people asked where it came from depending on how rude they were being I'd either say "the milkman" or just say my grandparents. Red hair is a recessive gene so Dds dad must have also been carrying it although no red heads in his family that are known about.

FlasherMcGruff · 15/02/2022 08:51

You don’t want to answer these nosy questions about the father, so don’t. With any intrusive questions, I find it best to look as shocked and astonished as you can at being asked the question and then totally ignore it. It makes things really awkward for the idiot asking. If you encounter an absolute numbskull who somehow asks again, tell them that’s not a question you’d ever ask anyone. Still don’t answer.

LBOCS2 · 15/02/2022 08:57

We have two ginger children and neither of us have red hair, so we get asked a lot where it comes from. We've never seen it as anything other than idle curiosity as it's rare and there's no obvious inheritance from one of us. We're always happy to answer (we're basically the odd ones out in our respective families!)

I hope your baby recovers soon, you've got lots going on so I wouldn't overthink this :)

OnlyAFleshWound · 15/02/2022 09:01

@Lockdownbear

I was just going to say that to get red hair the gene has to be passed on from both sides. But it's also a gene that's only found in people with celtic ancestry.

Hence its not that common and a talking point.

The Celtic bit is not true.

I have cousins on both sides of my family who are redheads. We are all 100% Jewish with no Celtic ancestry at all.

Diqgeneration · 15/02/2022 09:02

People are nosy. I know a couple with brown eyes who have blue eyed kids and I scratched my head over that one for a little while but I am sure the gps had blue eyes.

The “not the same dad” thing is out of order though. I have kids that look different and have had this- they just get Hmm that. I have started saying “I don’t think that’s anything for you to concern yourself with, is it?” to actually make the point.

StrawberrySanta · 15/02/2022 09:06

Both my kids have curly red hair and I get this too, I don't think the person asking is being rude it's just showing interest. The same dad question though, now that is rude and absolutely none of their business. Maybe when they ask that, look really taken aback, look them in the eye and ask them to repeat it so they can hear themselves say it and it might make them think twice next time

TeaAndStrumpets · 15/02/2022 09:06

(Haha, I see OP has been told to check her white privilege....BINGO!)

When DH was young he had black hair and eyebrows with a ginger beard. The beard went grey before the eyebrows did.

Iwanttenofthose · 15/02/2022 09:14

You're wrong about it being different for mixed race babies, some people just have no filter. My kids are the same ethnicity but the big beautiful genetic melting pot has given them different skin colours (one white one brown) so I get asked about this all the time.

If I'm honest I couldn't care less and think you're being a little oversensitive. My kids experienced actual racist abuse before they were old enough to even start school, and I don't have the bandwidth to get offended about well-intentioned remarks or curiosity.

Iwanttenofthose · 15/02/2022 09:17

@TeaAndStrumpets

(Haha, I see OP has been told to check her white privilege....BINGO!)

When DH was young he had black hair and eyebrows with a ginger beard. The beard went grey before the eyebrows did.

I've only had one coffee, and mis-read this as being about a young child with a beard
Luredbyapomegranate · 15/02/2022 09:25

It’s just curiosity and making conversation on both counts. Red hair is unusual, and a big gap often means a different parent.

You can be offended if you want but.. what’s the point?

kagerou · 15/02/2022 09:29

My baby is mixed race and people ask about her heritage a lot tbh

BoodleBug51 · 15/02/2022 09:30

All of my grandkids have got the most gorgeous ginger curly hair.... and the girls have got waist length curls now. They are stunning beautiful with pale skin, blue eyes and this hair colour....... but the eldest has already been teased about it.

I hope it never happens in front of me as I'm not sure how I'd react.......I could go all grandma bear on someone Blush

SartresSoul · 15/02/2022 09:38

You get used to it. My DD has beautiful auburn hair despite DH and I having dark brown hair. It’s clearly a recessive gene but we have been asked about her hair colour since the day she was born. She has the same olive skin as us and dark eyes like DH so it stands out even more. I obviously just think she’s beautiful and love her hair but people love to comment. Interestingly, youngest DC seems to have a similar hair colour in the sunlight (looks dark the rest of the time) and we’ve had comments about him too. I hated it when she was first born but not so bothered now.

Kuachui · 15/02/2022 09:42

actually im on ur side op. as a ginger ive had it a lot but now i have a blonde son who looks nothing like either of our families people assume his dad isnt his dad which is fine but dont ask!!! its so rude and yes you wouldnt ask who the dad was if it was a different race baby

Ohyesiam · 15/02/2022 09:47

I know where your coming from op.

I think People think they are being funny/ friendly, and have no idea how crass it is . I have a few stock responses which are not offensive, but show the sheer that they are being a bit dense.

SmolCat · 15/02/2022 09:48

I had trouble conceiving and don't know why I should have to explain this to a complete stranger
You could have had to use donor sperm and then that would have been a bit shit having to decide whether to explain that every time.

I agree that it’s small talk that is at best annoying/unnecessary and at worst tactless.

Aprilx · 15/02/2022 09:49

I think the ginger comment is harmless making conversation, similar to people might ask where a child gets their artistic skills from. Asking about same dad is really rude, do people really do that? 😯

HomeHomeInTheRange · 15/02/2022 09:52

It seems a bit dim for HCPs to ask where ginger comes from because as I understand it it is a recessive gene so has to come from both sides.

And unless they are specifically asking about genetic health conditions there is no need to be making conversation about ‘different Dads’. It’s highly presumptuous and nosey.

Sorry your baby has been so ill snd fingers crossed for speedy recovery.

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