AIBU people asking why my baby is ginger

[Licollama]

So my baby has been seriously ill in hospital so I may be being over insensitive.
My point is several health workers have come in to our room and questioned 'why is your baby ginger, where does that come from?' Not really offended as I'm sure the comment was made with no offence intended. However if my baby had been a mixed race, I'm sure no-one would have made comments as this would be frowned upon?
Also there is a big gap between her and her siblings... people alway feel the need to ask 'same dad'. I had trouble conceiving and don't know why I should have to explain this to a complete stranger and so what if they have different dads, why is this an issue??!

So sorry your baby is unwell OP. My daughter has extremely noticeable and unusual curly hair. Her dad and I... don't. I get asked the whole time where it comes from! Never really thought it rude. Could it be a similar-ish thing for some people and they're just interested/making conversation? Obviously any insinuation about who your baby's dad is YANBU

Asking about someone's hair colour is not comparable to asking about the parenthood of a mixed race child.

You are being over sensitive and also perhaps need to check in with yourself about white privilege.

@Momijin.
I don't understand the prejudice or the jokes about red heads. It is the most striking and beautiful colour hair in my opinion.

Is it prejudice?
My dad is a red head and I was so disappointed that my dc didn’t get red hair.
And none of my 9 nieces and nephews either.

I can imagine it's a bit tiresome having the same question over and over, but maybe it's worth reflecting on why the question bothers you. If someone asked me why my child had red hair, I'd be pleased to tell them it's from my father (and somewhere less easy to identify on the other side). Does the red hair bother you in some way, or did you get the feeling the people asking would be the annoying types who tease people with ginger hair? If they're not, I think I'd just assume they are showing interest, not trying to be rude.

But as for the question about 'Same dads?', that's definitely presumptuous/rude. I'd go with the classic slightly raised eyebrows/widened eyes and a surprised, "Goodness! That's a very personal question!" And nothing more.

@FedUpOfLighteningCrotch
1% of 140 million would be 1.4 million.

"Just lucky, I guess"

@Pembertonrd that did cross my mind. I have to admit it was a fact just floating around in my head, I did already have knowledge of the 1-2% of the population and wanted to fact check before posting so did a quick 4am google and along with the 1-2% population was the 70 in 140million 😂 My subconscious even did the math and part of me said “that can’t be right” but my tired 4am brain said “don’t argue with Google”

Must be better at fact checking.. 🤣

My husband and I (neither ginger) were stood at the supermarket checkout one day with our beautiful red haired child. The man next to us stared and in all seriousness asked accusingly (without any other greeting or introduction) if our child was adopted. I was too shocked to tell him to fuck off and kicked myself for it after.

Not really offended as I'm sure the comment was made with no offence intended. However if my baby had been a mixed race, I'm sure no-one would have made comments as this would be frowned upon?

It’s not the same as commenting on someone’s race.

My youngest is red haired- her dad and I both brown haired and elder sibling dark blonde. We also had/get waked where is he got it from. However I saw questions as curiosity and not I'll intentioned and it's never bothered me, nobody has ever implied she wasn't my child.

Gah, so many mistakes- asked where she got it from and ill not I'll

Red hair is a recessive gene so needs to come from both of you - that's why it's unusual. Look back you must have red heads in your rellies. She/he is special be proud.

I have four grandchildren from the same parents. One is strawberry blonde, one pale blonde, one dark brown and the other one auburn.

It's just the way it works.

I have a very blonde child when DH and I are both very dark and we get the same questions. It's just small talk.

"Dunno, why are you so nosey, is it genetic?"

I get this quite a bit. 2 of mine have very deep ginger hair and mine is black. My other dc is very light mousey brown. I actually like the comments because they are usually well intentioned and I'm a bit obsessed with the topic of recessive genes so anyone who asks also gets a little biology lesson while they're at it

A lot of people react weirdly to ginger hair and think it's okay to make a song and dance about it, I'm afraid

It's not quite as simple as a recessive gene, there are other genes involved in moderating the redheaded gene:
www.ed.ac.uk/roslin/news-events/latest-news/archive/2018/genes-linked-to-red-hair

I've got 2 redheaded children and neither dh or I have red hair - my mother does but we have no sight of anyone with red hair on dh's side. People ask about it all the time.

The OP is probably experiencing it as a loaded question because people do have deep-seated prejudices against redheads, something which is thousands of years old. Some people say it is linked to anti-Irish sentiment, or fears about witchcraft.

It’s just small talk. I think that you need to get used to it and be ready with some comment that’s not a joke. Just say that you have to have 2 copies of the recessive gene. If you only have one copy then you’re not lucky enough to get ginger hair.
Find some ginger role models for your child so it is always a positive thing. We did this for my red head daughter and she has always loved her hair colour.
I also think calling people out with their rudeness might help e.g. “I find that offensive and upsetting” if people start questioning parentage.

I think it’s just one of those questions people ask, as ginger hair is more uncommon. So just asking if there’s ginger hair in the family. My daughter is mixed race with blue eyes which is more unusual and people ask about it. That’s fine

I might ask or comment out of interest because I love ginger hair and think it's beautiful and eye catching.

I fancy ALL men with ginger hair. All of them.

I've got a ginger haired boy (when we're both brown haired) and everyone asks where it comes from and @PossiblyDreaming same as you got the stupid milkman comment.
Dont take it to heart OP, as others have said its just small talk. The same dad comment is a bit cheeky, I did get asked that too. People are dim.

Would you be offended if you had twins and someone asked if you or your husband had twins in the family?

I get it with ds as he is really light blonde and me and his dad both have quite dark features.

I always say, 'I have no idea but my lover has dark hair too so it can't be that'.

My third is a red head. I am a very dark brunette and my husband is fairly dark. We got this all the time. Tedious and annoying and I can imagine if you’ve got other things going on it could get upsetting.