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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Valentine's flowers

78 replies

ChampagneLassie · 14/02/2022 10:32

Even typing this I think the obvious answer is YABU. I LOVE flowers, and have always bought flowers for myself. DP encouraged me not to so often, not least so he could surprise me. A friend got a gorgeous floral display made for Valentines (reds, pinks, lots of roses), which I showed him last week and said how much I loved it. I contacted same florist and ordered bouquet for another friend from them (its not local to me). I told him this. Just received bouquet a very bog-standard bouquet of whites and yellows like something you'd send a aunt or thank-you to a neighbour. Not at all Valentinesy. And not as nice as my usual Freddie's Flowers which I've cancelled! I feel really disappointed. The really annoying thing is we've been here before, that a previous year I got something a bit...aged aunt and I was really upset about it and he ordered me something better. I feel like I'm being a bit childish / spoilt but I don't generally ask for much. I feel if he can't be bothered to get me really nice flowers I'd rather he didn't bother.

OP posts:

GastroNuisance · 14/02/2022 10:37

Ah I hear you. I think it's one of those things that needs the bigger picture looking at.

I won't do a massive merail but I have come to realise that there are just some things that aren't worth worrying about.

It's not that he's forgotten or doesn't care. It's not a race to the bottom so I don't think it's a case of not being upset. I just prefer to focus on what's right or good.

Cup of tea in bed, de ice car... clearing cat litter tray etc. just small acts of decency

ComtesseDeSpair · 14/02/2022 10:48

I expect the flowers looked better in the photo on the website he ordered from or the display in the shop. Or, he’s like many people who don’t really appreciate arranged flowers and think they all look much of a muchness: a friend waxes lyrical over her Freddie’s Flowers but frankly to me they don’t look much different to the ones in Sainsbury’s. So whilst you see “aged aunt” he just sees “nice flowers.”

Bridgetina · 14/02/2022 10:50

I think you're being a bit picky.

LampLighter414 · 14/02/2022 10:53

You are being childish/spoilt unless you made it clear to him that is the type of thing you'd like to receive on valentine's days in future (e.g. colours, types of flowers).

DiddyHeck · 14/02/2022 11:06

This sounds horrible and more like some sort of cold, hard, transnational obligation, rather than the romantic gesture it's supposed to be. You might as well just ask him for the money next year 🙄

I never knew some people were like this until I joined Mumsnet. I'm wondering if social media bragging is to blame?

Angrymum22 · 14/02/2022 11:07

Did they not meet the Instagram standard?
YABU

DiddyHeck · 14/02/2022 11:07

*transactional

Gowithme · 14/02/2022 11:11

Tell him you'd like chocolates instead for Valentines and go back to buying yourself flowers. When you know exactly what you want/like it's always better to get it yourself than hope someone else will.

CrumpleHornedSnowcack · 14/02/2022 11:14

I totally understand. I know I am being unreasonable but DH yesterday presented me with a huge bunch of flowers for valentines day which are beautiful but are pretty much all Lillys. Now bearing in mind we are a cat household & he knows full well how deadly lilly's are to cats i'm hugely disappointed as I can't even have them in the house.

BABAHOTEL · 14/02/2022 11:14

LTB, you could do much better I'm sure. They'll be another man that will be better at being micro managed out there.

Original poster

ChampagneLassie · 14/02/2022 11:15

Its not transactional @DiddyHeck and I wasn't going to post photos of them anywhere @Angrymum22 ...its about the sense of effort put in. BUT I do think @GastroNuisance and @ComtesseDeSpair are right. I think he has put thought and effort. I do feel better about this from your comments. thank you x

OP posts:

Original poster

ChampagneLassie · 14/02/2022 11:19

@BABAHOTEL

LTB, you could do much better I'm sure. They'll be another man that will be better at being micro managed out there.

I deserved that, can't do crying face emoji on desktop but that is a fair response

OP posts:

AryaStarkWolf · 14/02/2022 11:23

@BABAHOTEL

LTB, you could do much better I'm sure. They'll be another man that will be better at being micro managed out there.

But agree with whoever said to just tell him you'll buy your own flowers and he can get you something else chocolate or something if he wants to?

DiddyHeck · 14/02/2022 11:23

@BABAHOTEL

LTB, you could do much better I'm sure. They'll be another man that will be better at being micro managed out there.

Yep.

Bonheurdupasse · 14/02/2022 11:27

I think PPs are too harsh.
I agree with you OP.
If this is something specific that you like, and he knows it, why not go to the effort of getting you what you would like, rather than just ticking a valentines day box with a mediocre effort.

Bonheurdupasse · 14/02/2022 11:27

So YANBU from me.

Sunnysidegold · 14/02/2022 11:30

He knew you liked flowers and got you flowers. Maybe it was a style he liked,maybe he liked the colours, maybe there were few left as he had left it late, maybe there was a mix up.

Just chat to him. My husband used to always get me chrysanthemums as that's what his mum always had in the house and when I told him I preferred other flowers he chose better. He did go through a phase of buying roses for valentine's and stuff and was relieved when I told him my favourite flowers were tulips and not to bother with the roses.

Knickerbokas · 14/02/2022 11:33

@DiddyHeck

This sounds horrible and more like some sort of cold, hard, transnational obligation, rather than the romantic gesture it's supposed to be. You might as well just ask him for the money next year 🙄

I never knew some people were like this until I joined Mumsnet. I'm wondering if social media bragging is to blame?

This

thisplaceisweird · 14/02/2022 11:33

I would imagine it's the same as me looking at say golf clubs. I have no idea what's good and what makes it good and why my husband prefers one over the other. I don't know that my husband prefers X colour handle over X colour, or one shape over another. I'm sure someone simply not into flowers would struggle to pick a perfect bouquet for you.

You are totally right, but, not worth mentioning. I would have just made a fuss over how lovely the gesture was and possibly added 'very summery though! It's normally reds and pinks for valentines!' in a jokey way.

icannotbebothered · 14/02/2022 12:16

You're being picky IMO

cherryonthecakes · 14/02/2022 12:24

Since you've shown him a photo of the sort of arrangement you like yanbu

cherryonthecakes · 14/02/2022 12:28

Yabu to expect him to know what you consider old age aunt.

You need to be specific and explain you like red roses or whatever or even give him the contact details of the flower shop so he can order them bouquet that you like.

SartresSoul · 14/02/2022 12:35

He doesn’t like flowers in the same way you do so won’t realise they don’t meet your (very high) standards. At least he tried, give him a break.

Stressedout1009 · 14/02/2022 12:36

Yabu. Read a few threads today about women moaning about the flowers they received. Completely missing the point that they actually received something. Have a word with yourself op. Maybe the flowers you wanted were more expensive and he didn't didn't to actually waste money but got you something in between. You do sound very ungrateful.

Tittyfilarious81 · 14/02/2022 12:39

Yabu, look at those flowers and be grateful for the effort he put into getting them for you

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